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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Child maintenance payments going up

244 replies

C96x · 21/08/2023 11:23

Hi everyone,

I’m abit stumped here- my other half’s CSA payments have gone up since his daughter no longer wants to come to stay with us(age 9) we respect her wishes even though it’s not nice to not be able to see her due to location.
His CSA payments have gone up which quite right but they have gone up so much that we now are making ends meet- I get that she is now full time with her mum but I really do not agree with the amounts CSA agree too especially when we have mortgage to pay for. This will also impact if she ever does want to come over as we won’t have the money like we used to, to go places/ days out etc…

Mum has other children who she gets CSA payments for as well as child benefit, they also receive free school meals too (she’s an open person). as well as living with parents.

there’s probably nothing we can do here but do CSA take in to count mortgage payments when it comes to earnings? my partner has had access/ overnight stays since she was 1 so all of sudden to have this extra increase each month outgoing now it’s a shock to the system. any advice would be appreciated!

Just to add Dad will pay what he is expected too always has and always will

OP posts:
NewNameNigel · 21/08/2023 11:36

Of course CSA payments shouldn't take mortgage payments into account. Many people can't even get a mortgage! If you can't afford your mortgage then you sell up / take in a lodger like everyone else.

Also is your husband really just accepting the decisions of a 9 year old? Is he not looking into why this is and fighting for her?

Traxz · 21/08/2023 11:38

Whats his salary, and how much are the payments?

Surely with your salary you can cope?

Original poster
C96x · 21/08/2023 11:49

NewNameNigel · 21/08/2023 11:36

Of course CSA payments shouldn't take mortgage payments into account. Many people can't even get a mortgage! If you can't afford your mortgage then you sell up / take in a lodger like everyone else.

Also is your husband really just accepting the decisions of a 9 year old? Is he not looking into why this is and fighting for her?

we wouldn’t have anywhere to go if we sell up and no room for a lodger, we have a 2 bedroom house and a child together.

yes unfortunately- that’s a story for another thread! he is respecting her wishes.

OP posts:
Original poster
C96x · 21/08/2023 11:55

Traxz · 21/08/2023 11:38

Whats his salary, and how much are the payments?

Surely with your salary you can cope?

£40k last year take home including commission- payments are £400 now
because we both work full time we have nursery fees to pay - unfortunately we have no help with this to reduce nursery hours - believe me I’ve tried huge mum guilt!

OP posts:
NewNameNigel · 21/08/2023 12:04

C96x · 21/08/2023 11:49

we wouldn’t have anywhere to go if we sell up and no room for a lodger, we have a 2 bedroom house and a child together.

yes unfortunately- that’s a story for another thread! he is respecting her wishes.

Show quote history

It's tough on you but unfortunately you will have to make it work. Surely you can't believe that the child's mother should be expected to bear more of the costs of the child because you have an expensive mortgage!

A lot of people are struggling at the moment and if you have a mortgage at all you are better off than many NRPs.

notapizzaeater · 21/08/2023 12:09

Have you checked UC ? Lots of people who earn a decent wage qualify when they have childcare costs added.

That aside I'd be looking as to why a 9 yr old decides to stop staying?

Snoken · 21/08/2023 12:17

Doesn't sound like you would have space for her to come and stay anyway as you are in a two bed place with a toddler so I am not so surprised that she doesn't want to stay over. If she lived full-time with you you would have to have a three bedroom place and it would most likely cost you even more than the £400 he is paying her mum at the moment.

FloweryName · 21/08/2023 12:20

No, CMS will not take mortgage payments into account and nor should they. Your partner had his child before he had his mortgage.

Wishitsnows · 21/08/2023 12:22

In the same way you wouldn’t be expected to pay more to his ex if she decided to get a bigger house and spend more on rent/mortgage you cannot expect the payment to his child to go down due to your mortgage choices.

Mylovelygreendress · 21/08/2023 12:23

You do realise that CMS payments are the minimum amount required to be paid ?

Lovehearts82 · 21/08/2023 12:30

What are the payments increasing to?
£400 a month on a "take home" salary of £40k doesn't seem a lot to me. Assuming you mean "take home" as the amount he has after tax and NI deductions).
And any CMS or benefits she receives for other children are nothing to do with the arrangement she has with your husband. Wouldn't his payments have reduced to her when you had your child anyway? Or is that not a factor in how it's calculated.
You are going to have to make it work whatever you do. It's his child.

Goldbar · 21/08/2023 12:49

How much do you think your DSD costs to "run" per month, just out of interest?

KatesCoke · 21/08/2023 12:51

are you sure it’s £400 on a £40k salary?

Mylovelygreendress · 21/08/2023 13:09

KatesCoke · 21/08/2023 12:51

are you sure it’s £400 on a £40k salary?

I wondered that but it might include arrears ?

Original poster
C96x · 21/08/2023 13:21

Snoken · 21/08/2023 12:17

Doesn't sound like you would have space for her to come and stay anyway as you are in a two bed place with a toddler so I am not so surprised that she doesn't want to stay over. If she lived full-time with you you would have to have a three bedroom place and it would most likely cost you even more than the £400 he is paying her mum at the moment.

Isn’t it normal for children to share bedrooms these days?
They are both girls and she also shares at home with 2 toddlers. We are happy with our 2 bedroom house and don’t plan to move, I want a 3 bedroom house but I do not need one.

OP posts:
Original poster
C96x · 21/08/2023 13:23

KatesCoke · 21/08/2023 12:51

are you sure it’s £400 on a £40k salary?

£40k take home so after tax sorry should have put that!

OP posts:
Snoken · 21/08/2023 13:23

C96x · 21/08/2023 13:21

Isn’t it normal for children to share bedrooms these days?
They are both girls and she also shares at home with 2 toddlers. We are happy with our 2 bedroom house and don’t plan to move, I want a 3 bedroom house but I do not need one.

Show quote history

I don't know how usual it is, but an 8 year old sharing with a toddler who they don't spend that much time with might not work brilliantly. I don't know what the relationship between the two is like obviously but I am guessing it's not like a regular sibling relationship.

Original poster
C96x · 21/08/2023 13:24

Mylovelygreendress · 21/08/2023 13:09

I wondered that but it might include arrears ?

Show quote history

Sorry no arrears it is £40k take home before tax

OP posts:
Original poster
C96x · 21/08/2023 13:26

Snoken · 21/08/2023 13:23

I don't know how usual it is, but an 8 year old sharing with a toddler who they don't spend that much time with might not work brilliantly. I don't know what the relationship between the two is like obviously but I am guessing it's not like a regular sibling relationship.

Show quote history

Unfortunately we have not seen my stepdaughter since after Christmas so my 2 year old now really doesn’t have a relationship with her sister but before this happened they were great together, step daughter has younger siblings at mums home so was always lovely to see them playing and interacting together.

OP posts:
Snoken · 21/08/2023 13:28

@C96x oh, that's worse than I thought. I thought she was still spending time with you, just not sleeping at yours.

Either way, the maintanence sounds like it's in line with his income so I don't see how you could get away with paying less. He does need to work on his relationship with his daughter though, even if it means just spending a couple of hours a week together.

Flopsythebunny · 21/08/2023 13:33

What he's paying is the bare minimum amount. Perhaps that should have been thought about before he had another child?
10% of his take home pay is not a lot

MintJulia · 21/08/2023 13:36

So his take home is £2,500ish a month, and he's having to pay £400 to support his daughter, leaving £2100 for everything else.

Doesn't sound too difficult.

If you are paying childcare for your toddler, presumably you are earning too, so your monthly income must be reasonable between you.

His first obligation is to his daughter. Interest rates are high and everyone is having to cut back. It's just the way it is at the moment, unfortunately. It won't be forever, your toddler will be at school in two years.

Feverly · 21/08/2023 13:39

Mortgages, and having a kid are both lifestyle choices. Of course a mortgage should not be taken in to consider, can you imagine the deadbeats scuttling off to buy an expensive house to use as an excuse to opt out of the barest of minimum payments to CMS?
Is your boyfriend at least staying in touch with the child by email/letter with no pressure for a reply? Or has he discarded her entirely? ‘Following her wishes’ doesn’t cut it for an 8yr old.

PrimalOwl10 · 21/08/2023 13:41

What so you expect him to pay? 100, 200,300? There's a reason she doesn't want to see your dh but your not expanding on that. The least he can do is adequately support her.

Oneforjoy · 21/08/2023 13:43

If it’s an informal agreement then you can come to arrangement with his ex.

If it’s through CMS then you can request a variation.