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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My partner dislikes my child

253 replies

Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:34

Sorry I’m advance for the length of this I just needs a little advice that’s not from my friends and family I’m being made to feel like my child’s a problem and I apparently can’t see it. I have a 6 year old son and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 1 year. We recently moved in together in may. Previously it’s just been me and my son living alone together since he was a small child. My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards because apparently I’m a push over, who has no rules and we should be instilling zero tolerance into our children to teach them rules.
yet everyone who meets my son laughs there heads of, loves him and he receives nothing but good feed back at school. My partner is very strict and regimented and I’ve always just been fun, laid back and allowed my son to be a child. I think he’s kind, caring, loving, funny but talks a hell of lot. I think he behaves like most other children, he often needs asking to do something 2/3 times, he doesn’t really answer back but does have an answer for everything, he stalls bedtime for 10 mins with im hungry, thirsty, need a wee. These are things my partner has highlighted as a problem aswel as…..
He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.
Sly and vindictive - he will wind my partners 2 year old up. I’ll hold my hands up here he does do this but is that not normal sibling behaviour.
Rude- he questions some things my partner says and checks with me if it’s correct. I always support my partner when he’s dealing with issues.
Spoilt- if we go to the shop I will buy him something like a £1s worth. I don’t spend loads of unnecessary money.
Nosey- he’s started to listen in on adult conversations, then will ask questions.
Selfish - he doesn’t really like my partners 2 year old playing with his figures because he thinks he will break them, I encourage sharing which he will do with select toys.
Since my partner moved in my child now has to share me and his home/bedroom with a man and his child I feel like these are big changes which he has accepted really well and I don’t personally think his behaviour is that terrible I feel like he behaves normal. I feel like my partner is constantly nit picking at the smallest of things like because today said we was going to a play area but the play area turned out to be closed and my child briefly sulked or because he’s left a wrapper on the side, he even moaned because he wanted to bring a pocket full of rocks home from the park.

OP posts:
MoreCoffeeAndCake · 16/07/2023 20:45

Walk away from this relationship. Put your DC first, he deserves a happy home with loving people. Not with a man who sees him as an annoying little thing.

MillenialAvocado · 16/07/2023 20:45

I would not have this POS anywhere near my child. Please get rid of him.

OhDoh · 16/07/2023 20:45

He need to move out. It's not working and your DS has to come first. Your little lad sounds like every typical 6 year old.

Original poster
Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:45

I’ve know him since before my child was born but it would be impossible for me to see this side to him in at only been over the past few weeks

OP posts:
cactusjane · 16/07/2023 20:45

Complete dealbreaker. I couldn't stand to be with someone who showed such contempt for my dc.

Original poster
Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:46

I did end things today, and packed his stuff. I just wanted some actual clarity that I wasn’t just defending my child wrongly I knew I wasn’t. So thank you all for your responses

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 16/07/2023 20:47

Why do women do this?? I’ll never understand. Even my dh, loving father to our 3 dc, knows that if I ever had to make a choice, the dc would come first, and he would say the same himself.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 16/07/2023 20:47

You can NEVER defend a young child enough. Get him gone. I am so happy that you have packed his bags, you both deserve far better than him.

AllOfThemWitches · 16/07/2023 20:48

To be fair, I've met some bad mannered, spoilt children that I would never have any desire to be around. I wouldn't move in with them though.

Wishitsnows · 16/07/2023 20:49

Well done you for being strong and doing very clearly the right thing. I know it must have been hard but definitely the right thing

Fighterofthenightman1 · 16/07/2023 20:50

Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:34

Sorry I’m advance for the length of this I just needs a little advice that’s not from my friends and family I’m being made to feel like my child’s a problem and I apparently can’t see it. I have a 6 year old son and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 1 year. We recently moved in together in may. Previously it’s just been me and my son living alone together since he was a small child. My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards because apparently I’m a push over, who has no rules and we should be instilling zero tolerance into our children to teach them rules.
yet everyone who meets my son laughs there heads of, loves him and he receives nothing but good feed back at school. My partner is very strict and regimented and I’ve always just been fun, laid back and allowed my son to be a child. I think he’s kind, caring, loving, funny but talks a hell of lot. I think he behaves like most other children, he often needs asking to do something 2/3 times, he doesn’t really answer back but does have an answer for everything, he stalls bedtime for 10 mins with im hungry, thirsty, need a wee. These are things my partner has highlighted as a problem aswel as…..
He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.
Sly and vindictive - he will wind my partners 2 year old up. I’ll hold my hands up here he does do this but is that not normal sibling behaviour.
Rude- he questions some things my partner says and checks with me if it’s correct. I always support my partner when he’s dealing with issues.
Spoilt- if we go to the shop I will buy him something like a £1s worth. I don’t spend loads of unnecessary money.
Nosey- he’s started to listen in on adult conversations, then will ask questions.
Selfish - he doesn’t really like my partners 2 year old playing with his figures because he thinks he will break them, I encourage sharing which he will do with select toys.
Since my partner moved in my child now has to share me and his home/bedroom with a man and his child I feel like these are big changes which he has accepted really well and I don’t personally think his behaviour is that terrible I feel like he behaves normal. I feel like my partner is constantly nit picking at the smallest of things like because today said we was going to a play area but the play area turned out to be closed and my child briefly sulked or because he’s left a wrapper on the side, he even moaned because he wanted to bring a pocket full of rocks home from the park.

Even after only reading the title of your thread I was going to say you need to leave this man. After the reading the op I stick fully by that!

Sarfar45 · 16/07/2023 20:50

Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:46

I did end things today, and packed his stuff. I just wanted some actual clarity that I wasn’t just defending my child wrongly I knew I wasn’t. So thank you all for your responses

Glad you made the decision to end it. You made the right decision

negomi90 · 16/07/2023 20:50

Winding up the 2 year old - not good but normal. Needs dealing with.
Everything else - your son is right. Asking questions about things, pushing back, wanting to know what's going on - are all normal and how children learn. You can work on doing it politely, but that will also come with age. There's a balance between a kid who does everything their told instantly without push back (worrying) and a kid who doesn't listen or do what they're told. A kid who doesn't push back or question grown ups is far more worrying than the kid who never listens (not ideal, but can learn).
Worrying about a 2 year old breaking toys - again completely right. Why do little kids need to share their personal toys? Adults don't. Get family toys and share those, let everyone take turns and learn to share with those.

Original poster
Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:51

my Child has been and always will be my number 1 priority he knows he’s very much loved by everyone around him. I sometimes question if I’m abit of a push over and a little abit soft but that’s what’s made him the most loving and caring little boy he’s just a miniature me. Sometimes you just need to write it all down to strangers and get some honest feedback so thankyou all

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 16/07/2023 20:54

I am genuinely flabbergasted when people write posts like this. Unbelievably often. It is an absolute no brainer to me. The man goes straight away.
If you want to, you carry on seeing him away from your son.
Put your kid first. Always.

Original poster
Mumof6yearoldboy · 16/07/2023 20:56

He’s already gone

OP posts:
lunar1 · 16/07/2023 20:56

You are the parent you are to your son. It's probably the case that neither of you is completely in the wrong over things. But you definitely aren't compatible to be parenting in the same home.

Nobody quite knows what kind of parent they are going to be. I thought I'd be the soft one, and DH strict. It's the other way round.

It doesn't make your partner a villain, just incompatible with you and your ds as a unit.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/07/2023 20:57

Sorry op. I was slow at typing. Awesome news

EezyOozy · 16/07/2023 20:59

echoing others here - you need to end it . I grew up with a step dad who was all the things you’ve described and I’m still traumatised by it and have no relationship with my mother , as she didn’t protect me from him. What sort of adult says such things about a child? He’s not a good person op. Run.

EezyOozy · 16/07/2023 20:59

Sorry missed your update. Good news.

Igmum · 16/07/2023 21:01

Well done OP. You did the right thing. Sending love ❤️

violetsunrise · 16/07/2023 21:03

You’ve definitely done the right thing OP. Don’t let this man back into your little son’s life.

purplediscolove · 16/07/2023 21:04

Move him and his two year old right back out. Nobody is telling me how to parent my child ever not even her own dad gets to tell
me as long as we back each other on proper behaviour issues or what she can and can’t have.

purplediscolove · 16/07/2023 21:05

Well done you!! X

StellaJohanna · 16/07/2023 21:05

You have had this boyfriend for one year and now moved you and your son in with him. Why? Why can't you live in separate places like before - why do you have to live together and inflict this on your boy? This boyfriend is not his father.

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