My partner dislikes my child

[Mumof6yearoldboy]

Sorry I’m advance for the length of this I just needs a little advice that’s not from my friends and family I’m being made to feel like my child’s a problem and I apparently can’t see it. I have a 6 year old son and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 1 year. We recently moved in together in may. Previously it’s just been me and my son living alone together since he was a small child. My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards because apparently I’m a push over, who has no rules and we should be instilling zero tolerance into our children to teach them rules.
yet everyone who meets my son laughs there heads of, loves him and he receives nothing but good feed back at school. My partner is very strict and regimented and I’ve always just been fun, laid back and allowed my son to be a child. I think he’s kind, caring, loving, funny but talks a hell of lot. I think he behaves like most other children, he often needs asking to do something 2/3 times, he doesn’t really answer back but does have an answer for everything, he stalls bedtime for 10 mins with im hungry, thirsty, need a wee. These are things my partner has highlighted as a problem aswel as…..
He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.
Sly and vindictive - he will wind my partners 2 year old up. I’ll hold my hands up here he does do this but is that not normal sibling behaviour.
Rude- he questions some things my partner says and checks with me if it’s correct. I always support my partner when he’s dealing with issues.
Spoilt- if we go to the shop I will buy him something like a £1s worth. I don’t spend loads of unnecessary money.
Nosey- he’s started to listen in on adult conversations, then will ask questions.
Selfish - he doesn’t really like my partners 2 year old playing with his figures because he thinks he will break them, I encourage sharing which he will do with select toys.
Since my partner moved in my child now has to share me and his home/bedroom with a man and his child I feel like these are big changes which he has accepted really well and I don’t personally think his behaviour is that terrible I feel like he behaves normal. I feel like my partner is constantly nit picking at the smallest of things like because today said we was going to a play area but the play area turned out to be closed and my child briefly sulked or because he’s left a wrapper on the side, he even moaned because he wanted to bring a pocket full of rocks home from the park.

This, put your DS first and leave this bastard.

I have recently finished with a man like this.
my ex husband had a Step Father likes this and it affected his self esteem and mental health. His Mother let it go on as she hated being a single Mum.

This man has form, his relationship with his 2 year old didn’t last and then he jumps into another cohabiting one!

He is jealous of your son and your relationship with him.

I know being single is hard, but you don’t need this trouble. Think of your son.

Well done for putting your child first. In this scenario I was your son. Nothing I ever did was right for my step father. There was years and years of emotional, mental and physical abuse. My mother always blamed me, from the age of 9 onwards. There would be moments of complete clarity for my mother where we would leave, but she always went back and blamed me even more. Stay strong, it really does effect the child. My relationship with my mother is non existent.

Your child needs to come first.

I despair at the fact you had to ask.

Your child is not sly and vindictive, rude, selfish or nosey. All of those things are completely normal. You have/ had a shit person that you've allowed to live in your home and talk down to/about your child.

Parents need to stop questioning things when partners show their true colours, children are the priority. There are far too many children being put at risk.

Sorry, just saw uldate. Well done.

Partner= abusive arsehole
Partners view of you= baby machine
Partners view of your DC= inconvenience
You= get a fucking grip + put your child first

Get rid before he damages your DC self esteem and happiness any further.

Well done OP

Well done you. Your son sounds a delight, and as a mother you are doing totally the right thing by putting him first.

Your boyfriend sounds awful, get rid of him and put your child first.

Saw your update, good for you!

I would instantly despise someone who didn’t like my child. If they called them sly I would ring backup / witnesses and remove them from my house that very day. Wouldn’t even mess around.

Haven't RTFT but enough to pick up the consensus, and have read OP's update.

OP: I really hope you've done what you said and sent him packing. Because the general thread responses are the right ones: your child will suffer if this man remains in his home. A man who despised my child would not receive more more second of my time.

In any case, what right did your ex have to move into your home and immediately start finding fault with your parenting and picking holes in the character of your child? Who the hell does he think he is?

Find your anger, and replay this scenario in your head the moment you have a 'wobble', or are in any way tempted to regret your actions.

NB. my son is always coming home with his pockets full of stones!

Your kid is 6; in a few years time he'll be a hulking teen. Independent, feisty, full of hormones. Unless you plan for the teenager to spend those years silently sulking in his bedroom, your partner is going to hate him far worse and it will be a two-way war.

You need to put your son first. Do not turn his childhood/life into a nightmare, then wonder why he hits the road running as soon as he is old enough.
Do not sacrifice your child for your love life. Your man sounds a sly, manipulative git. Please think very hard and kick the evil git out, before you ruin your relationship with your son.

OP HAS ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP.

I wish people would RTFT.

Yes and all the doubters will be happy to know relationship still ended

And I wish shouters like you would take notice of the time stamps. Tells a whole story.

Well done. You made the right choice. Has he left you alone or has he tried to talk you round?

Well I highlighted the likely hood of him not changing and he agreed that our style of parenting doesn’t align

Glad he's out of your home and out of your lives @Mumof6yearoldboy - this had all the signs of being a very manipulative relationship. For your own piece of mind - hope you've changed the locks? Not just had your keys returned: keys can be copied. 🌹

Thank you. I’ve not changed the locks, he didn’t take the key with him when he left. He’s definitely not a psycho I’ve know him a long time but clearly just isn’t the type of relationship I’m looking for me and my son

this is a really tough situation for you to be in. Ultimately it sounds like your partner is trying to undermine your relationship with your child, just like controlling partners do to friends, family members etc. always, always choose your child. I know the easy thing to say here is - leave. But that may not be so easy and things sometimes are not black and white - but your partner ideally would love your child or at least like them. He’s only 6 years old and he sounds great. Choose someone who will care about your child and make them feel safe.

Sorry - just realised this is an older post. I hope everything worked out OP

Go be honest, I'm kinda baffled at this post. Does he actually not like the child or is that it's a massive shock to him because you moved in together without this man and child adequately getting to know each other.
You moved a man in ( too soon in my opinion) .. surely before shipping him in he had spent time around your child , spent overnights ect ?
I don't understand how this conversation wasn't had before bringing him into your home, considering its a massive adjustment for both him and your child.
Didn't you two discuss how this parenting arrangement would work with your partner before ? As he's going to be living with the child 24/ and vice versa .
Or did you ship this man in without a careless thought in the world ?
This post dosent make sense.
Anyone I know who has moved a partner into their home to live with a child thats not there's has had this discussion regarding parenting, boundaries, if there's an issue with behaviour ect . How was he not familiar with the child.