My partner dislikes my child

[Mumof6yearoldboy]

Sorry I’m advance for the length of this I just needs a little advice that’s not from my friends and family I’m being made to feel like my child’s a problem and I apparently can’t see it. I have a 6 year old son and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 1 year. We recently moved in together in may. Previously it’s just been me and my son living alone together since he was a small child. My partner thinks I should change my parenting to meet his standards because apparently I’m a push over, who has no rules and we should be instilling zero tolerance into our children to teach them rules.
yet everyone who meets my son laughs there heads of, loves him and he receives nothing but good feed back at school. My partner is very strict and regimented and I’ve always just been fun, laid back and allowed my son to be a child. I think he’s kind, caring, loving, funny but talks a hell of lot. I think he behaves like most other children, he often needs asking to do something 2/3 times, he doesn’t really answer back but does have an answer for everything, he stalls bedtime for 10 mins with im hungry, thirsty, need a wee. These are things my partner has highlighted as a problem aswel as…..
He’s sly, vindictive, rude, spoilt, nosey, selfish.
Sly and vindictive - he will wind my partners 2 year old up. I’ll hold my hands up here he does do this but is that not normal sibling behaviour.
Rude- he questions some things my partner says and checks with me if it’s correct. I always support my partner when he’s dealing with issues.
Spoilt- if we go to the shop I will buy him something like a £1s worth. I don’t spend loads of unnecessary money.
Nosey- he’s started to listen in on adult conversations, then will ask questions.
Selfish - he doesn’t really like my partners 2 year old playing with his figures because he thinks he will break them, I encourage sharing which he will do with select toys.
Since my partner moved in my child now has to share me and his home/bedroom with a man and his child I feel like these are big changes which he has accepted really well and I don’t personally think his behaviour is that terrible I feel like he behaves normal. I feel like my partner is constantly nit picking at the smallest of things like because today said we was going to a play area but the play area turned out to be closed and my child briefly sulked or because he’s left a wrapper on the side, he even moaned because he wanted to bring a pocket full of rocks home from the park.

Well done you for putting your child first. I bet your ex will attempt to come crawling back though, and I hope you remain strong.

Bye bye partner. Your son is 6 and sounds totally normal in his behaviour. Your partner sounds awful

I think it’s common for step fathers to not like the child as a biological instinct

Just read your update. Good for you! Enjoy your baby boy knowing he’s not being messed up by that idiot x

Well done op, you've 100% done the right thing. You need to find someone who is aligned with your style of parenting and who will enjoy your son the way you say so many others do.

@floppybit I’m sorry you went through such a bad childhood . 💐for you

Go OP!!!! You absolutely did the right thing. I’m sure your DS is wonderful and the problem is entirely him. There was another post like this a few days ago in which it seemed highly unlikely the OP would protect her son so I’m so glad to read your update.

Well done for putting your lovely happy son first- I know from experience that you’ve saved him from trauma. It’s what they say and do to your child when you’re not around and have no clue about that does the damage too….. until your adult son tells you years later they’ve had therapy because of it and it’s too late then the damage is done. I’m so happy for you and your boy….. back to a happy home for you both x

I suspect what he really wanted was a family with his child only, not yours. This is what happened with the piece of shit my husband is ran off with. She wanted him to be a daddy to her child and to get rid of his own. She was seething with jealousy and resentment and said similar things about my son. It's utterly vile. I wish my ex husband had behaved the way you have!

Absolute arsehole. Look after yourself and your lovely boy and get rid while it's still relatively easy

I presume you mean ex partner?

Agree.

You’d imagine she’d refer to the boyfriend in the past tense but nope.

You must put your son first. This is a year old relationship, vs your 6 year old son. Staying in this relationship could bring him completely unnecessary trauma. If he grows up feeling that what is meant to be his father figure, dislikes him :(

Well done on getting rid of him, OP. You and your little boy will be a million times better without him. Your son sounds like a completely normal and lovely child to me, and you must never let any man into his home unless that man is able to love him just the way he is.

Men have a tendency to ruin things OP, much better off just you and your lovely son in your calm and peaceful home.
Romantic relationships are very overrated, you pay a high price for that sense of security.

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Well done op, you dodged a bullet there

Take some time to think through this relationship and how you got into this situation where you were beginning to question whether your sweet boy was anything but a normal child.

Were there other red flags you missed? You moved in together very fast, why was that?

You need to reflect and make sure you don't go from this abusive slimeball to another one.

I bet your boy will be delighted that man is now your ex.

He’s been an ex boyfriend a matter of hours so imagine putting “boyfriend” instead of ex

Yeah I don’t need a man I know that I’ve been single most his life out of choice, I have a good career and own my home I literally have never needed a man, I allowed my sense to fall into a false sense of security having known him for a long time.

You know the answer to this one- it’s simple your child comes first.

I bet he was jealous of your son.

Maybe he reminded him of the man that brought your son into this world.

Well done for ending the relationship with this abuser.

Just a word of advice, be very careful when moving in a man in the future too quickly when you have children.

There are obviously lovely step parents, but in general you have to be very cautious.

Lions are known for killing little lion cubs that aren't their offspring, when they want to get together with a lioness.

Sorry but you need to end this immediately

‘Sly & vindictive’ has frightened me a bit that he said that, its alarmingly emotive language to use about a little boy. I’ve got step children & although they aren’t my pride and joy a lot of the time, they can be little horrors & I’ve been pushed to the limit at times by them, but they are kids, just children. At worst I’d say at times they could be sneaky but we’re talking pinching another choc ice out the freezer & all kids will have a go at that. 6 was a difficult age with answering back they’re becoming aware of themselves & more assertive, he’s in for a shock when his own child is 6 & in that phase.

it sounds like your little lad is doing amazing with the changes & sharing, he shouldn’t have to share everything, I’m sure your partner isn’t going to be all ‘hey pal you can wear my watch & you can use my aftershave & feel free to use my laptop whenever’ with your little boy as he grows, is he.

If he wasn’t like this before maybe it’s just teething issues but I would be very concerned & please stay alert. He should be ashamed to say these horrible things about your child to you & I’m honestly a bit scared that he’s so openly said this stuff & thinks it’s ok & you won’t kick him out, it’s not ok at all

Just seen your update that you got rid. WELL DONE. You did 100% the right thing, I’m so glad, it was so horrible reading your first post, you are well rid. You and your boy deserve so much better

I echo the above sentiments that you should run as far away from this man as possible. Things will only escalate from here and this is your son's childhood you're handling here.
I'm a widowed parent and very reluctant to date through fear of this. If I did, they wouldn't even meet my child for at least a year or two and even then it would be short intervals every now & then. I most definitely wouldn't have introduced both kids, let alone refer to them as siblings but that's just me. (I'm a little on the more cautious side when it comes to men, with valid reasons).

On an entirely separate note, what you said about being 'fun & laid back' - that idea will come back and bite you in the backside, trust me. Any parent who has tried this approach has lived to regret it when their child inevitably no longer regards them as having any authority over them whatsoever and thinks of them as one of their friends. Meaning they take no notice of anything you tell them to do.
Of course any parent can be fun at times! We all have a laugh & a giggle with our kids, especially at that age! I just mean that it's important to make sure that when it comes to it, they never lose sight of who's in charge.
That boyfriend of yours though, he's taking it wayyyyy too far. I wouldn't want him within 100 yards of any child!

Three cheers for you!