Ex want's his daughter less!!

[Cathrobs22]

Been split 3 years, ex husband works shifts (some times day time and some times evenings) and has our daughter Fri-Tues EOW with a few extra days in the week when he works at a time he can pick her up from school. This was agreed at mediation and I demanded a yearly calendar with dates he was having her as I need to be able to plan our life! It wasn't as simple as set days EOW due to shift work which I get.
Anyways on the Friday's where he was working evenings he was getting his mum to pick up DD from school & have overnight. Fine. But I received an email from him to say that she no longer feels up to having DD overnight as she's quite elderly now & doesn't like the long drive (I mean it's only about an hour round trip). So he said that he will have to change pick up to Saturday mornings now those weekends?
AIBU to think this is totally out of order? Surely this is his issue to fix not mine. He says he can't get a babysitter to pick up from school & have DD until 10pm at night (ok) but he has a girlfriend, they live together, so surely she can help out too? I see on her Instagram that she goes out those Friday's with family or friends and I just feel like I'm being taken for a mug here. Or at the very least he uses some of his annual leave from work???
I've demanded we go back to mediation as this is what he agreed and I shouldn't be punished that his child care has fallen through. I will also going via CMS as he is now having DD less!

So this arrangement will give the OP 1 weekend night per fortnight free? I would tell him no too. He can arrange a babysitter until 10pm when he finishes works, when needed. There are some Fridays he's free.

Oh yes. The child can be in childcare til 10pm every second Friday because the most important thing is her mum gets enough weekend nights free.

Clearly the interests of the child are the top priority here.

Occasional childcare is one thing but a contact plan designed explicitly to include every other Friday night til 10pm because mum‘s social life is the top priority is a very different thing.

It’s not about data just having to organise childcare. Contact schedules are supposed to be negotiated in the child’s interests.

Occasional childcare is one thing but a contact plan designed explicitly to include every other Friday night til 10pm because mum‘s social life is the top priority is a very different thing.

I agree. And it’s not as if the father is requesting a change to accommodate his social life, it’s due to his work

Why was this plan, when another woman (the ex's mother) was happy to do it fine & dandy but is now horrific because, actually because why? Why is it suddenly not in the best interests of the child?

Is paid for childcare not acceptable when delivered after 6pm? What is so bad about the dad having to sort his own shit out? Him. The one with a penis. Not his ex, his mum or his current girlfriend but him. When he needs it. Which won't be every second Friday.

Let's say 1 x 2 months as per op the ex isn't working the Friday evening. So we have 3 x Fridays each 2 months = 18 a year. Let's say the ex arranges his 4 weeks holiday a year to also include these Friday we are left with him having to find a babysitter for 12 nights -boo hoo.

There is no flexibility being shown here the ex wants a change & the op needs to suck it up. The fact a 'together' couple wouldn't arrange things like this is irrelevant; as stepmothers on here often note they are not together so totally irrelevant.

Umm yes.

@AllOfThemWitches opposed to the op (mum) who describes having her own child as a burden.

That's what you took from this. Okayyy then..

@PinkGinny because the other woman was the child's GRANDMOTHER; therefore a mutually beneficial (to both child & grandmother) interfamily relationship !
When my dm was alive & able to 'childmind' it didn't feel like babysitting to either her or my dd; it was a bonded, family relationship, & when my dm became too infirm & therefore unable to spend one on one time with dd things had to change.

I mean, she has her child the majority of the time... he has a few nights every fortnight.

What gives you that idea?

Lots of parents would not stand for only seeing their kid a few nights every couple of weeks. But obviously we've decided OP is the villain here and this random man whose side of the story we haven't heard is daddy #1 sooo

OP said it’s 4 nights EOW plus a few extra in the week when his work allows. So this is actually several days over a fortnight. Hardly unfair is it. He is clearly doing his share

Jesus, the bar is once again so low.

@AllOfThemWitches well it's lucky that this dad isn't doing every other weekend then isn't it. Sounds like a 60/40 split and yes no parent likes having to share their child but that what happens when you split up.

That said I have never ever referred to my child as being a burden... and since it's op that's posted not dad I'm kinda gonna judge someone who actually says these words out loud about their own child.

And I would do it to a dad too if they posted as op has.

Several days over a fortnight is a low bar? That’s equivalent to him having her half the week each week; I don’t know many mums who would want to be without their child for more than that!

This! As the child's biological mother why do your plans trump that of your exs gf who is no relation to your child? Sounds like he has her quite a lot tbh so wouldn't be a problem for me. Can he have her later on the Tuesday instead?

I'm sure if you go back to mediation his financial need to work will be considered more important than your social plans. And his girlfriends plans won't even be a consideration for them. You sound entitled tbh. Put your child first

Looking after your own child is punishment really?????

Why would she? You don't want to and you're her mum!

Its not weird it's awful

It’s nothing to do with him being a man. Just as the OP being a mother and resident parent doesn’t make everything she wants or chooses right.

It sounds very much like the OP insisted on Friday night in mediation (and her current horror would bear that out) and he had to agree, but he simply cannot make that work.

So he’s asking for a change that would allow him to actually spend the time with his DD. The OP’s objection is that she wants to go out on a Friday night and is annoyed the childcare bill isn’t falling to her ex.

The crap about childcare after 6pm is disingenuous. Of course there is a difference between standard childcare for office working hours and a babysitter picking you up and putting you to bed. There’s an enormous difference. Ask a child and they’ll most definitely tell you it’s different.

This has got to be a reverse by the girlfriend? @Cathrobs22 you aren’t the mum here are you?

There are actually mothers like this.

I don't look after my SC overnight on my own because my DP's ex is like this.

As my solicitor said, you can take a horse to the water but you cannot force him to drink.

Same applies to contact, you can make the time available for the other parent to see his child but you cannot force him to take it.

Honestly, you will achieve more by being nice and civil to him than by trying to dictate what he should or shouldn’t do, you are not married anymore.

This, absolutely!
I forgot she put that he has also said he can do a couple of Fridays every few months…seriously what more can the guy possibly do!! He’s offered another night as alternative & will also do Fridays when he can, in addition to the many days he already has her.
I think you need a lie down OP, you sound like an entitled brat.

Ha ha

tey being a divorced man “not standing for” seeing you kids less. See how far that gets you.

ffs