H being ridiculous over a bauble

[Kikkk]

Yes you read that right... A Christmas bauble is the latest source of ridiculousness in our house.

My parents got all of their grandkids a personalised bauble this year to put on their trees which included our DC, along with my nephew and niece. They do this every year for Dsis' children but it's our child's second Christmas (weren't given one last year as only tiny) so first time they were given one.

Apparently we can't possibly put this bauble up because DSC don't have the same bauble with their names on... Just go and buy a freaking bauble for them then!

I can't cope with this level of stupidness.

As a PP said, if DSCs mum's family buy them a gift, do they also buy for your DC? I imagine not.

If DCS's mum's family buy a tree bauble for them, how is OP's DC ever going to know? They don't share a tree at that house. That's the whole point.

People are really forcing their agenda. The OP has said that her parents barely know her stepchildren so why would they think to get a personalised bauble for them? Yeah, it would have been nice if they did but there wasn’t any obligation too. I think OP’s husband should just buy some for his kids if it’s so bloody important

So do your step children's Grandparents buy your DC equal gifts to their own Grandchildren & treat them equally? I doubt it very much!

I don't think it's fair to call out OP's parents, unless ALL parties involved treat ALL the children the same, ALL of the time!

Maybe he would have preferred not to have to do it in the first place. I certainly would have better things to do with my time.

I wonder what the reactions would have been if the DH’s parents bought personalised baubles for him and all the children but not the OP, and the the DH said oh it’s no big deal you can just get one with your name on, after all they aren’t your parents are they then hung them on the tree.

Sure, but while he is moaning at her because his kids don’t have a bauble, she is moaning about him moaning. It’s more his job than hers, but it’s bonkers to moan in either case - just buy the fucking thing

I’m a step child, my stepdads family are not my family.
My mum and stepdad got married when I was 8 and I’ve never called his mum Grandma, she just isn’t, I have 2 grandmothers from my actual parents.
I have no idea what she bought for her grandchildren for Christmas or birthdays and I don’t really care either. She always got us a token gift of some sort, as did my ‘aunties’ but I wasn’t that bothered. I only ever see them at funerals these days anyway.

It would be interesting to know if your husbands parents buy for all the children? Do they op? Or just their two original grandchildren?

So he'd rather take something away from his youngest child just to prove a point than do the next best thing and buy his older ones their own bauble.
Put the bauble out OP. Let your little boy enjoy seeing it.

And if your dh does get the other two baubles they would presumably need to be from the same supplier- you said the bauble was expensive? So not something out of a tacky Xmas catalogue then ?

I kind of agree with him . I made sure I got SC the same stockings ( they are really beautiful) as mine and our children .
I would not refuse to out them up but I would get some for the SC too

Why is that interesting? Of course they do? Our child is my husband's child as much as the 'original two' and therefore is just as much his parents grandchild so yes... Obviously they buy our child presents as well. I'm not seeing how that's comparable.

As an adult I couldn't leave a cHild out ,

At 14 &11 though will they even want a bauble ? I would think prob not
Plus do they not have any xmas decs from when younger
Mine are 17/19 and I have a few they made and on one someone bought but i don't think they notice then in the tree its more for me really

Because, as 7 pages of replies have almost unanimously tried to explain to you, it isn't about a bauble per se, it is about reinforcing the message that the Christmas tree is only for your joint child and the DSC is "other" in some way.

It is like their Dad's home isn't their home but they are just a visiting guest.

If you are an adult that chooses to be in a relationship with someone who has children you need to be prepared to accept those children.
and make them feel your home is very much their home, whatever the custody arrangement is. This sends a very different message.

However, as you are just arguing with everyone trying to explain this to you, I am beginning to wonder why you asked, when you clearly don't want to hear everyone else's opinions.

That’s just ridiculous, of course dhs parents will buy for all 3 of “their” grandchildren. They all have the same father which is their son!
The 2 Sdc’s have another set of grandparents who they will get gifts from & I’m pretty certain they wouldn’t buy for ops and dhs child together to make it fair.

The ops parents have bought for their grandchild.

It's comparable because you have 3 children. His parents appreciate that .
Yours don't and nor do you .

Step families dont work and this is why . I have a step brother who was the obvious favourite.

He's a heroine addict , a drug dealer , alcoholic and weed smoker .

I'm a police officer. I've been nc with my mother for 20 years and when step father died I didn't bat an eyelid, he was actually very abusive but knowing I was bottom of the pile hurt more than the broken fingers and beatings . Yeah my experience is no where comparable to your step
Children but they'll know who the golden child is is your eyes . And your parents eyes . I wish I'd had a parent to step up
As your dh is for his children.
Good on him .

Yes but I’m presuming you have a relationship with your own SC. The ops parents don’t have a relationship with their ‘daughters’ SC. They barely know them. So that is in no way comparable

I’m so glad my husband, step children, daughter and I are secure enough in our blended family that no one would be devastated by baubles. The idea of a grown man having a tantrum about something like this is only slightly more hilarious than a 14 year old developing anxiety over it. I have a 14 year old step child.

And it’s a fact that if a woman posted on here that she expected her DH parents to buy stuff like this for her much older kids just because they were married she’d be told to stop being so entitled and reminded her kids have their own grandparents. It’s happened many times before.

Some of these hyperbolic replies are utterly ridiculous and wild projection. Not the OPs problem that you’re so troubled by your own blended childhoods or those of your kids with your exes. Get help for your trauma instead of picking on OP over something trivial that she didn’t even do.

No she doesn't have 3 children, she has one, and he has 3.

So glad my partner doesn't have kids. I couldn't cope with all this shit over a bauble.

I'm not projecting. It's just human decency to include all the children you live with in something special .
If I couldn't ensure that - I wouldn't take on someone else's children.

No she doesn't have 3 children, she has one, and he has 3.

Which this lot will happily remind her of if she wants to be involved with any actual parenting decisions.

So glad my partner doesn't have kids. I couldn't cope with all this shit over a bauble.

Thankfully it doesn’t have to be like this and for many of us it isn’t.

Agree wholeheartedly with @stillvicarinatutu
(I'm so sorry you had to experience all that)

@JackieDaws shame on you, and yes it is a good thing your DH doesnt have children, you sound as awful as OP

I feel for the SC , truly do . A normal person would think what your husband did and would simply buy 2 more , not tell the husband to buy them but a golly make sure those children are Joni should had are just as important to your husband as yours feel included . I’ve been with my partner 3 years and between covid and travel restrictions , this is his sons first Christmas with us . Not only I made sure everyone had the same number of gifts but I made sure he had his own names stocking , I’m doing his favourite desert and made sure we have all the games he normally plays at Christmas . Thankfully he is a wonderful teen and I absolutely love him to bits , my parents who always give their grandkids money are giving him exactly the same as they do my children or my sisters children . And I would not have it any other way . He is 100% part of my family and as important as mine and our children .
I think your husband is picking up on the favouritism , be careful your actions won’t make him resentful over time , his children are after all above anyone else as it should be . Including you !

I just feel a little sorry for the children who have been omitted and left out - the bauble or it's price doesn't matter. The sentiment does . Unless they're very insensitive children they'll hear the message. Sounds like they have a loving father. That's nice .