H being ridiculous over a bauble

[Kikkk]

Yes you read that right... A Christmas bauble is the latest source of ridiculousness in our house.

My parents got all of their grandkids a personalised bauble this year to put on their trees which included our DC, along with my nephew and niece. They do this every year for Dsis' children but it's our child's second Christmas (weren't given one last year as only tiny) so first time they were given one.

Apparently we can't possibly put this bauble up because DSC don't have the same bauble with their names on... Just go and buy a freaking bauble for them then!

I can't cope with this level of stupidness.

Can we make that list a sticky?

We don't know the dynamics at all....
Would step children even realise / care?!?!

My DPs parents include my children in holidays, gifts and pocket money.

From the other side my mum doesn't reciprocate this to DPs son - this isn't because she's being mean it's just not something she embraces or possibly even understands .....

Well I thought we'd established that it's not about the bauble. so what's the point of buying more baubles. "Sorry my parents didn't get you one here's one to compensate?!"

@PicturesOfDogs according to the reasoning on numerous other threads your feelings don’t count because you having your parents living together trumps absolutely anything and everything hurtful you endured as a result of having older half siblings.

I’m sorry you went through all that

Ps. Anyone read the world bauble so many times it's now lost all meaning and sounds silly?

You clearly didnt read my post above that I am a child of devorce with step parents and the thought to be upset about something like that never crossed my mind once in the 30 years I have been a step child.

You are assuming these kids see OP as a mother and her parents as grandparent, most people do not see their step parents as a replacement or equal to their bio parents unless their bio-parent was abusive. They will also favor whichever parental group they live with (visiting you dad and his wife at the weekend is NOT the same as living with your mam and her husband 90% of the time).

Also at 11 and 14 they are perfectly capable of logical thought and not getting upset because theres a new bauble in the xmas supplies box with the babies name on it. I mean it LITRALLY a non issue unless the parent make it one by pointing out dramatically that OP parents bought this 'special' 'gift' for just ONE of them... Its just a bauble (not special, not a gift, not something everyone needs replicas of) for christ sake.

But not for the OP's house.

Why can't they be included there?

Why not? Do they not stay with you very often?

I'm starting to think this thread isn't real.

Can you imagine discussing the unfairness of a bauble being bought for a baby by their grandparents and not the step children and saying that person clearly hates their DSC in RL. I think I would laugh out loud if someone said half the stuff said on here out loud

Even though op didn't buy the dammed thing 😵‍💫

and I'm a stepchild before anyone goes "but you don't understand 😵‍💫"

You knew a bauble would be getting presented at some stage for your DC. At this point of have said to my DH that we/he need to make sure we have something for the tree for DSC. Maybe you could have gone to a nice Christmas display and they could choose one. Then make it a tradition that every year all the children get to pick one for the tree.

No she didn't. Her parents might have died or decided not to get a bauble. When you plan a child you don't discuss Christmas bauble gifts from extended family before hand. Or do you?

And the whole point was this was a gift from the grandparents. So why if the bauble is not the important thing would a bauble from OP in anyway make them feel any better.

Have any of you been stepkids? This is quite unkind and all it does is so late and other your step kids. Everyone gets a bauble but not them because They’re a spare from another relationship and dad has to force their inclusion.

yes a bauble is such a small thing, yet DSC isn’t included in what could be seen as bare minimum tbh

of course kids notice this stuff. And they remember, it all adds up it hurts. Poor SC

I think, like the OP's DH, there is too much being placed on this bauble by some posters.

This is not about our opinion or even your opinion - I find people don’t tend to make a fuss when something first happens. If your hubby is creating a fuss about this he clearly has been thinking for a while that there is a much larger relationship issue between you / your family and his children - this is not about a bauble or two it’s much bigger.

Well that’s just a stupid analogy, unless you’re saying that when your child is that age you’ll still be spending the exact same on them as you are now…

Don't be so overdramatic. I'm assuming if there is a special ceremony for the sacred bauble it takes place when the DSC aren't there.

How many years have they been buying baubles for Op?

If his kids hadn't ever been included chances are that they wouldn't be this time?

At any point your husband could have decided that that was something that he would like to do with his kids or asked his parents to do!

Because buying a present for someone you barely know is already a nice gesture and after that you tend to totally put them out of your mind. You've already gone above and beyond.

Me (and my DP) were both touched when my mum started buying DSS a single Christmas gift. That in itself is a kind level of effort from someone that's only met him a few times. She wouldn't think to get him anything else at other times and neither of us would expect her to.

It's really rude of your DH to get funny with your parents about this

@Kikkk My parents do get them presents but it's never as much as their grandchildren. Which I don't personally think there is anything wrong with, they don't really know them well.

How awful

They don't have a grandchild-grandparent relationship with them, they don't see them really.

Also awful, bloody hell

Not really.

If they are only there part of the time then I imagine, like with my family, that the DSC's relatives on dad's side get priority during that time.

You children shouldn't miss out on the special bauble that their grandparents got them but I can also see your H's Pov. To sort this out, all he needs to do is buy special baubles for them as well. Problem solved.

@MadameMackenzie oh FFS calm down. Absolutely LOADS of people, both step parents and step children themselves, are perfectly happy and unbothered by the step children not really knowing the step parent's family. It's not an expectation at all for many, many people. My step child never asks or thinks about my family, he probably just thinks of me as an extension of his dad and it never crosses his mind.

Banging on about how "awful" completely normal family life for many people is makes you look ridiculous and, frankly, ignorant.