H being ridiculous over a bauble

[Kikkk]

Yes you read that right... A Christmas bauble is the latest source of ridiculousness in our house.

My parents got all of their grandkids a personalised bauble this year to put on their trees which included our DC, along with my nephew and niece. They do this every year for Dsis' children but it's our child's second Christmas (weren't given one last year as only tiny) so first time they were given one.

Apparently we can't possibly put this bauble up because DSC don't have the same bauble with their names on... Just go and buy a freaking bauble for them then!

I can't cope with this level of stupidness.

Take a 14 year old to go and buy a personalised bauble as a family trip? 😂

Sorry but I agree with your husband. I think your parents are wrong there and maybe you could have handled the situation a bit better.

Why does anyone need a bauble with their name on? Can you just make one for stepchild with tip ex or nail varnish or sth?

I know its hard to see as to you your parents have done a nice thing and brought your child a bauble. But I do think the nice thing would have been they should have bought your stepchildren one as well. My brother brought his new girlfriend and child round for easter and when my mum found out they were coming she went out again and got him the same easter Eggs she got her grandchildren otherwise she felt it was unfair. I know you are arguing with everyone but ultimately there is no right or wrong, people have different opionions on morality.

It was shit at the time, but as I say, as you get older you can see it differently.

Looking back, my mum was obviously aware, but not much she could do I suppose, he was the main earner. He wasn’t going to be spending his money on her kids and not his. I do get it.

I’m older than step sister, and I do remember one time though, on my 16th birthday, my mum took me to get my belly button pierced.
It caused absolute murders because she was too young.
They had such a row about it, with him screaming I told you she wasn’t allowed to get it done, and my mum screaming back that she didn’t need his permission for her own daughter etc. That was probably the only time I really felt like someone was doing something with only me in mind. It was nice 😊

And boy, did I rock that piecing 😂

To clarify, the screaming argument most definitely was NOT nice!
But the knowledge that my mum had thought about me, and let me get something I really wanted even though step sister couldn’t have it was nice.

Blended families are DIFFERENT levels of blended, theres no such thing a 'step children should be treat like x' as it varies.

My step dad raised me as his own kid from when I was a toddler, I was treat as his child by his family because I was and then when my sibling where born we where all raised together as equals.

My deadbeat bio father and step mother where not remotely the same though, I would never expect the same as step mothers bio kids.

The thought just never even crossed my mind because she was NOT my mam in any way shape or form (her kids are also NOT my siblings either, I wouldnt know them if I tripped over them and don't care at all) but I actually saw he regular-ish and got along with her fine (better than my father actually because she was nice but he didn't care but it was still more like an 'aunt' than a parent).

How I was treat as a step child and expectations was COMPLETELY different with my step dad and my step mother.

As a stepmum myself I wouldn't have arisen my parents would be told all or none at all. Doesn't matter how many times they see them or if they get gifts from their mother's side. It's unfathomable to me that you your self think there is nothing wrong with it. Let's truly hope your child is never a step child and has a step parent that thinks they are not part of the family to be included as all the children. Thankfully my parents see family as family regardless of blood

If I'm right, you have an ongoing issue with the way your DH expects you to treat your SC and the way you think you should treat them. Both of you are on extreme ends of the DSC arrangement - his requirements are too intense and what you're willing to do is too little. I'm really not convinced you'r ever going to get this right.

Whereas I would just say “A&B you get presents off your Daddy’s parents, Granny and Grandpa that C doesn’t. You’ve each got two sets off grandparents who give you things”

But then my own children (same two parents) don’t all get treated exactly the same all the time as circumstances change and personalities are different. My children all get a personalised decoration each year. The first ones my eldest had are falling apart as I made them as I couldn’t afford to buy them whereas we were much more comfortably off by the time I bought the ones the year my youngest got their first.

Op You are spectacularly missing the point

This

Are you always so hard of thinking OP? How on earth do you and your husband deal with more serious issues?

Also I have 3 full blood bio kids and they all have a mismatch of their OWN baubles from clubs they are in and ones they have made at school etc... it never crossed anyones mind that if one DS got a bauble from scouts we had to demand another 2 for our other 2 kids lest they feel left out, same when our other DS got one from tumbletots or made one in nursery etc...

Yes you can, still shit though.
Oh I love it, good for your mum … and for you!

Internet, click click, personalised bauble arrives on your doorstep. Even you could do that, surely? You seem to be making a huge drama out of it.

I assume your children don’t have two homes they have to move between weekly/fortnightly, two families to fit in with, watch half siblings get to live with both their parents. Some people on here vastly underestimate the effect of living between two families, especially if they only get to see one parent less than half the week. If so your point is irrelevant. It’s not about making sure all the children have exactly the same belongings, it’s about the focal point of probably the biggest family event of the year only having the child who lives in the house full time represented.

That’s lovely🙂

It's all part of a wider issue really. I think H likes to talk about fairness but never wants to be the one to go out of his way to achieve it. There is a lot of Disney parenting going on imo, not with this situation necessarily but in general he likes to preach a lot about ideals but doesn't actually do anything to achieve it.

This is what it's all about - he wants everyone else to facilitate his kids but won't lift a finger himself to do it. In your later paragraph you explain that often for events and occasions on your side of the family, he can't be arsed to bring them. If he wants your parents to have a closer relationship with your step kids and include them, then he should be the one fostering a relationship between them all.

So yes, in this case you are correct - he should go get baubles for his kids. He should also include his kids more in your family if he wants them to be seen as part of the family.

People need to stop projecting their own situations onto this. It isn't a case where the children have been taken on in full by OP, they have their other parent and side of the family (who don't have a duty to OPs DCs). This isn't an absent parent where someone has stepped in to fully occupy the parent role, of course it's different.

Imagine their mum has other children and/or step children and when DSCs go home with these baubles, mum then has to go and frantically make sure her other children have one too... then her partners other children need one... it's ridiculous to try and apply fairness this way.

That’s your kids , ours love Christmas and specially the oldest one would feel very left out . I got a new curtas stoking for our baby ( her first Christmas) and got them some too .

The argument you’re having isn’t about a bauble: it’s about how his child is seen by you and your family. So YABU if you can’t see this. It’s hurtful for the step child to be left out, no matter how rarely your parents see them. now that your husband has brought it up with you, you’ve chosen to ridicule him for being sensitive about his child’s feelings. And instead of doing the kind thing of either asking your parents to include the step child, or getting them a bauble yourself, you’ve demanded that he just go and get any old bauble himself “if it matters that much to him”.

That’s a horrible unkindness from you. Because it’s not the bauble that matters, it’s him knowing that you and your family accept and care for his child. It’s such a small thing to do, with such huge profound positive inspects for that child, and for your husband, that I can’t quite believe that you’re not being more supportive. So you are being massively unreasonable, obtuse and unkind. It’s Christmas - please take a moment to consider your husband’s feelings, and those of his child and get a bauble for them!

My in-laws would have bought baubles for their bonus grandchildren, that's why I love them.

I reckon this is alllllll about his feelings and having a dig at your parents.

People saying buy the SC one! Not a bad shout, but I was a SC once and I couldn’t have cared less what boring bauble was on the tree. Literally! SC won’t notice 😂

Present yes, treats/chocolate/cake obviously, but a Christmas bauble… na

What and pretend they are from her parents?! That's well sick

Errr… no? Why would that be necessary.

So much invested in this type of shite now... Remember when Christmas used to be quite simple?

DH family would be like this, fighting over imagined slights or things bought. My family isn’t like this. You & DH might just be coming from different places, on this...