Was I unreasonable?

[CrispyBeet]

Had a crazy weekend and this just topped it off.

Basically due to have DSC over the weekend (3 nights every week, one week during the week and the next over the weekend).

My husband has been feeling unwell for a while and then on Thursday was rushed to hospital (sepsis, he's getting much better thankfully) the day that DSC were due to come.

I messaged their Mum on FB as I don't have her number and told her the kids wouldn't be able to come unfortunately and she did nothing but peck my head all weekend about me having them or me sorting something out (she does work over the weekend sometimes).

H doesn't have family round here so I had no one else to ask. My parents had our DC overnight two nights so I could go and see him so not even like our DC were there either.

AIBU to think that in extreme circumstances you need to sort your children out?!

He wasn't fobbing it off, he literally couldn't have in that moment sorted anything else. I was panicking and stressed the first couple of days too and didn't even have my own DC with me because it was too much.

Things have calmed down today and yesterday and the more I think about it the more pissed off I am.

If it was her there would be no question that H would do what was needed to have the children.

The obvious answer is that Mumsnet wants this reputation because it attracts unique site visitors so they can advertise dildos and fake weight loss products and reel in that sweet sweet advertisement cash.

There has got to be a degree of flexibility it's not on given your husbands circumstances she is wrong to complain about it

You're quite right @QuirkyTurtle The more argumentative and controversial the thread, the more clicks. KERCHING. More money from advertisers. Let's not kid ourselves that they actually care about the users, because that is demonstrated time and time again on this particular board.

This is just the Jeremy Kyle show but online. "But I asked them for peace and love, what more could I have done?!"

Even though DPs ex is a very different person to me and I find her mildly irritating at times, threads like this make me really appreciate her 😂

Why don’t you have her number?

@XmeansX

Why don’t you have her number?

Why should she?

I never had my (nearly ex) H’s ex’s number. I didn’t need to deal with the woman so I didn’t. She had been awful to me in person anyway. So there was no way I was having her bother me by phone (or social media where I preemptively blocked her after the first incident).

@howtomoveforwards

It was an emergency and she is their Mum, so ultimately it's her responsibility if your DH was in hospital

I’m not sure. In an emergency, expecting her to suck it up is fine. But why doesn’t he have any emergency plans? His ex’s workplace is highly unlikely to be sympathetic for very long that her ex is ill. He is no longer her responsibility. His children are, however, and she will be unable to claim extra benefits if he can’t work but will likely face a shortfall in her income whilst she takes time off and/or whilst she has to pay for additional childcare. Taking time off could result in problems for her at work.

We do have a responsibility when parenting separately to think about the bigger picture. She will have to pick up the slack but what could he have done to make that easier? Not just for his ex, but also the OP?

As someone who has had to manage for many, many years as a single parent, why has he no emergency back up plans? I completely get it’s an emergency and not his fault, but it is his fault if he has never considered what might happen if he can’t have his children and the potential consequences of that, particularly long term. It’s all very well expecting the ex to just manage - fine in an emergency - but her work is hardly going to be sympathetic if she suddenly can’t work because her ex is ill.

But what's her back up plan?!? What if the poor fucker had died? He had sepsis, there is no plan for that 🙄 honestly I have been quite shocked by how unfeeling and selfish some step parents can come across here but you are just reaching

Generally, @CrispyBeet , what's the arrangement when either parent can't have the children when they are meant to (at short notice)? Are they usually each other's back up?

Imagine if this scenario was posted from the other perspective. A sm who complained about having the kids extra when their mother was hospitalised with sepsis would be torn to shreds by people like @ChoiceMummy