Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

[PingedPotato]

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

Although I can see why it's annoying I don't think this is something to get worked up about.

So she watches some stuff at your expense. You can either afford it or you can't. If you can do you really begrudge your SC being able to continue watching a series or whatever they're enjoying.

SC's rules are so often ruled by there vs here, him vs her, keeping on top of the different rules and timings and whatever. Why not just do this one small thing?

@Mamacarrot

I wouldn’t give it to them but maybe your partner can pay for them to have an account at their mums

HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT?! He pays her maintenance which wasn't reduced when our child was born. She can buy netflix with that if she deems it essential. That goes for other utilities like tv license, gas bill etc

@Maybe83

Why? They can only access a Netflix account in whoever home they are in. What if they are on a sleep over or trip away. Who's account do they use.

Honestly why make something so straightforward even more complicated than it has to be. When in a blended family there is so much more important stuff to be navigated.

If my ex or my ss mother was so petty that they insisted either of our children couldn't access their account in our house DH and would laugh our heads of and set them up with their own pay for it and let them share it with whoever they wanted.

Honestly no wonder no wonder so many blended families are an absolute disaster if its at this level of pettiness.

I wonder at the importance people are attaching to access to Netflix here. Having to wait til you get home to continue watching something on Netflix (rather than ensuring your can keep watching it at a sleep over or anywhere you go) is just … weird.

My DS watches different things here and at his dad’s. He watches them with us. He watches Star Wars stuff on Disney+ with me. He watches competition cooking and baking with me. He is perfectly happy to wait until he’s in the relevant house to watch particular things.

@BeyondOurReef exactly. They can watch it here and wait to watch things.

Couldn’t you upgrade the the 4/5 people option?

Couldn't the kids mum pay for Netflix at her own house?

I have history with the ex, I have insanely entitled DSCs but this wouldn't bother me.

I'd upgrade to the multiscreen option because that's going to be helpful for everyone anyway. You haven't said you can't afford it so I assume you can. Like others have suggested I'd pin protect my own profile and let them have kids profiles.

Honestly I understand the desire to dig your heels in and not be pushed on this one thing but think of it this way - she will be dragging you down to her level. Retain the higher ground.

I'd upgrade to the multiscreen option because that's going to be helpful for everyone anyway. we don't know if will be helpful. At the moment we manage with one screen.

@Maybe83

Why? They can only access a Netflix account in whoever home they are in. What if they are on a sleep over or trip away. Who's account do they use.

Honestly why make something so straightforward even more complicated than it has to be. When in a blended family there is so much more important stuff to be navigated.

If my ex or my ss mother was so petty that they insisted either of our children couldn't access their account in our house DH and would laugh our heads of and set them up with their own pay for it and let them share it with whoever they wanted.

Honestly no wonder no wonder so many blended families are an absolute disaster if its at this level of pettiness.

It's not THEIR account, they are just using OP and her DHs when they are in their house. The account is designed for one TV and priced accordingly, meaning if you log in on a second TV and try to watch something at the same time you will not be able to. Is the problem here that people don't understand how Netflix works?

Honestly it's obvious that there are an awful lot of out of touch rich people on this thread with a pretty flippant and judgemental attitude towards people that don't just throw their money around. Upgrading to a larger monthly outgoing would be an actual decision in my household, and not something we could just randomly pay for for somebody else because they wanted it. The idea that anyone that wouldn't do that must be petty is just such an incredibly privileged and nasty outlook to me. Some people really need to get back to reality if they are going around calling people petty for things like this.

@AsofAnearyou yes the cost outlay would be a consideration in a lot of houses but it doesn't seem to be in this one.

The problem is the ex demolishing boundaries and being self entitled.

The multiscreen option may not be necessary but it is useful OP and if you take the profile PIN steps the ex worn be able to watch anything but kids shows.

I wonder if people would be calling it petty if op wasn't a stepparent and a mum asking if she should have to foot the bill for Netflix at dad which dad and stepmom would use.

Or do these double standards and petty view points only go one way.

Feels like the whole allowing wife ex into house thread, but she's within her rights to refuse entry into dads. Or my personal fav you can totally exclude sibling from second family but defo not the SC.

Double standards are alive and well

I just find it amazing that so many people are seeing access to a Netflix profile as some kind of basic human need.

You aren't being petty at all. You have bought the subscription your household needs and the children can use it at your house.

What is it with Mumsnet and lots of posters seeming to think that step mums/new partners/ex husbands should endlessly foot the bill for stuff at Mum's house? There's a little bit of Saint Mum on here at times.

[quote Nowomenaroundeh]@AsofAnearyou yes the cost outlay would be a consideration in a lot of houses but it doesn't seem to be in this one.

The problem is the ex demolishing boundaries and being self entitled.

The multiscreen option may not be necessary but it is useful OP and if you take the profile PIN steps the ex worn be able to watch anything but kids shows.[/quote]
Isn't it? People are distracted by the fact that OP mentioned boundary issues with the ex, but that was one reason listed alongside the fact that they only have a one viewer account so would have issues using it at the same time. She also dismissed out of hand suggestions that they should just pay for more Netflix, probably for similar, normal, grounded, real world reasons to me.

Because most people don't have so much cash to spare that they would just pay for subscription services for other households, and the only possible reason for them to not do so would be pettiness.

Back in the real world. SC's mother can pay for her own Netflix!

Yep, this!

I think you’re being very petty. Children don’t have two separate lives depending on who’s house they are at that day .

From their perspective, you’re banning them from using their family Netflix account just because they’re at their mum’s that day.

Are you really mean enough to stop them accessing Netflix because their mum might benefit too?

@BeyondOurReef

I just find it amazing that so many people are seeing access to a Netflix profile as some kind of basic human need.

And this! It's not infringing kids' human rights for them to not have 24/7 access to Netflix!

@Just10moreminutesplease

I think you’re being very petty. Children don’t have two separate lives depending on who’s house they are at that day .

From their perspective, you’re banning them from using their family Netflix account just because they’re at their mum’s that day.

Are you really mean enough to stop them accessing Netflix because their mum might benefit too?

It's not "the family Netflix" though is it. It's for one screen. The person who pays for that one screen should get to use it.

I think you’re being very petty. Children don’t have two separate lives depending on who’s house they are at that day

From their perspective, you’re banning them from usingtheirfamily Netflix account just because they’re at their mum’s that day.

Are you really mean enough to stop them accessing Netflix because their mummightbenefit too?

It isn't a family Netflix account.
It is a single screen account that the OP is paying for and wants to use.

If another household wants Netflix then they can buy it themselves.

@Just10moreminutesplease

I think you’re being very petty. Children don’t have two separate lives depending on who’s house they are at that day .

From their perspective, you’re banning them from using their family Netflix account just because they’re at their mum’s that day.

Are you really mean enough to stop them accessing Netflix because their mum might benefit too?

As quattro said, it's not THEIR netflix, it's the account holder's netflix. It is a bill, in the same way rent is a bill. The fact that the SC do not have two different lives makes no difference to the fact that needs to be paid in both households.

The emotive value being put on this is daft. They aren't stopping them using Netflix in the other house, their mum is by not buying Netflix for that house.

@Just10moreminutesplease

I think you’re being very petty. Children don’t have two separate lives depending on who’s house they are at that day .

From their perspective, you’re banning them from using their family Netflix account just because they’re at their mum’s that day.

Are you really mean enough to stop them accessing Netflix because their mum might benefit too?

1. They do have different lives depending on whose house they’re at on a particular day. All sorts of things will be different and that’s just how it is. There will be different food. Different norms and expectations. All sorts of differences.

1. It’s Netflix. No one will be harmed if they have to wait a few days to watch the next episode of anything.

Can you imagine in 10 years time in a therapists office or worst yet on here

"My childhood was ruined because they refused to pay for me to have unlimited access to Netflix and wouldn't pay for me to have it at mums house and even worse still I had to wait until I was at theirs.

It's like a new spin on keeping the kids under the stairs. The hardship, the pain and the suffering. 🙄

Absolutely see the people who think it's their right, to make someone else up their household bill just to apologise for being part of a blended family.

@Just10moreminutesplease

I think you’re being very petty. Children don’t have two separate lives depending on who’s house they are at that day .

From their perspective, you’re banning them from using their family Netflix account just because they’re at their mum’s that day.

Are you really mean enough to stop them accessing Netflix because their mum might benefit too?

What a ridiculous comment

It’s not their family Netflix account it’s the OPs single screen account.

Of course there is differences between what children have between mum and dads houses when they’re parents are spit up.
Until recently DS1 only had Disney+ at his dads. Just meant he had to wait until he was there to watch whatever it was he was watching. He didn’t die or suffer any adverse affects from that. I wasn’t prepared to pay £7.99 for it so tough luck to him and I definitely wouldn’t expect my ex and his gf to give Ds access to it at my house.
(We now have Disney+ due to excellent club card deal! I recommend it to people who don’t fancy paying for yet another subscription service)

OP you’re not being petty and anyone who’s saying that is just projecting their own issues. Another poster already commented about double standards but if the mum posted this she would get a whole thread full of comments saying no way should she let DC have her Netflix log in at their dads and if ex wants it he should cough up the money.

Please don’t change your subscription to other unless you need multi screens at home

I could not imagine that I would deny my children something that they obviously enjoy simply because there was a collateral benefit to an ex. How in world are you in any ways damaged or harmed because the ex" might" happy to view a show on your Netflix account? If you cannot afford the few additional dollars to have a multi user account that is understandable, but beyond that as a reason anything else is quite petty. It is not unlike saying that I don't give them gifts because she might experience the pleasure of seeing them smile.

Tattler2
The OP does not need more than a single screen account. The children are able to use the single screen account when they're at their dad's house. That household has no need to have a bigger subscription package.

Why should the OP buy a bigger package than her household needs so that another household can have an extra media subscription?

@Tattler2

I could not imagine that I would deny my children something that they obviously enjoy simply because there was a collateral benefit to an ex. How in world are you in any ways damaged or harmed because the ex" might" happy to view a show on your Netflix account? If you cannot afford the few additional dollars to have a multi user account that is understandable, but beyond that as a reason anything else is quite petty. It is not unlike saying that I don't give them gifts because she might experience the pleasure of seeing them smile.

Oh shut up. It's entirely different than your frankly offensive comparison.