Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

[PingedPotato]

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

My SC’s don’t have the password but I’ve logged into it on their phones/tablets.
I wouldn’t allow them to log into it on their tv… their mum can get stuffed 😂

Kids did ask, I said no I’m not sharing the password. I got cries of “but we don’t have it at our house”, to which I responded that I’m happy to send the sign up link to their mum via text so she can organise her own subscription

I got cries of “but we don’t have it at our house”, yeah we're getting that too. I was thinking password protect it and then force a log out everytime they go home. Othewise I can just see mum using their tablets. I think I can pin protect my own profile which I should probably do any way as their profiles are age restricted.

Nope.

Tel
Them
To ask their mum to sign up at home.

Bloody cheek

How old are the kids? Surely if mum starts watching it you’ll know by the sorts of programmes that are being viewed. The profiles for my kids are limited to under 12 content. So someone would have to use my profile to watch adult programmes and it would be obvious.

If she did that I would remove the right to have it logged in when they leave, but I’d give them a chance. The kids have no control over what their mother does.

The 13 year old has the one above 12 (I'm guessing it's 15). The younger one has the 12 one but has to ask DP if they want to watch a series (and we can see they've been very good at doing that). Yeah I'm tempted to just let them. I mean if it's being used during school hours it's probably mum! And I can put a pin on mine.

The kids have no control over what their mother does. this is very true

My teens have the log-ins to all my accounts so they can use them at their dads. Doesn't seem a massive deal to me, then again I think they only use it on their phones.

Honestly I couldn’t get excited about this, I think it is pretty. Quite some people can be logged into Netflix at the same time so you wouldn’t have to ask them to log out. If you’re worried about privacy then you can pin protect your profile. If their mum is desperate to watch Netflix using one of their profiles is it really the end of the world? Logging them out on the iPads every time they leave seems really mean. We gave DSC our Netflix and Disney details, didn’t even occur to be to care who else would watch it. Is there a huge back story with the ex here?

Children don't have two lives neatly carved into mums house/dads house.

Pin protect your account and then their dad can give them their own profile on their tablets. The world won't end if their mum steals some Christmas Rom-com's.

Logging them out before they go back would be a really petty hill to die on!

*petty

Quite some people can be logged into Netflix at the same time so you wouldn’t have to ask them to log out. we only have the 1 screen option

Is there a huge back story with the ex here? I imagine there's always a backstory! I guess partly it is coz she keeps asking for more and more now DH is with me (always wants me to pay for things etc or says he should pay her more as he pays more for his kid with me).

Oh and I'm not allowed anywhere near her house...

I wouldn’t be bothered about leaving their phones / iPads logged in but I wouldn’t give them the actual password.
Pin protect your profile.

Couldn’t you upgrade the the 4/5 people option? It’s not a lot more, then the kids can have their own profiles at mums house. If she chooses to watch it then she can use one of their profiles so who’s it really harming? And that way she wouldn’t really see what you’re watching either.

At one point DP’s Netflix account had him, me, his kids, his brother and his exMIL! I now have my own account so me and my DCs have our own profile each - means that if we’re watching the same series but at different points we don’t have to guess which episode we’re on.

Does it really matter?!
You are being petty.

says he should pay her more as he pays more for his kid with me). Did he reduce his maintenance to her when he moved in with you? If so then yes, he should definitely get the kids their own Netflix profile for the sake of £5 a month or whatever the difference is! I always thought that rule was shitty, that men get to pay less towards their own DC because they’re funding someone else’s.

I pay for the the multiuser one, it’s around £14 per month and then they can use it at their dads, on their iPads wherever. I also pay Disney + and let them have the password to watch at their dads. As long as the kids are happy, so what if their dad gets to watch it to.

Yeah I know it can get annoying when you have ex issues, especially when they’re difficult and you think they are trying to exploit you. You can only rise above it and be the bigger person otherwise you get sucked into such pettiness, it’s just not a great way to live. Easier said than done though. If you can afford it then upgrade and just let them have it, do it for them not their mum, don’t even think about her. If you’ve only got one screen though can’t can’t upgrade, I think it’s fair enough to explain to them and ask them not to watch it at home as you will usually be using it. I wouldn’t log them out. You can reconsider the approach if it ends up being hassle in practice.

@RaisedByPangolins

Couldn’t you upgrade the the 4/5 people option? It’s not a lot more, then the kids can have their own profiles at mums house. If she chooses to watch it then she can use one of their profiles so who’s it really harming? And that way she wouldn’t really see what you’re watching either.

At one point DP’s Netflix account had him, me, his kids, his brother and his exMIL! I now have my own account so me and my DCs have our own profile each - means that if we’re watching the same series but at different points we don’t have to guess which episode we’re on.

Ha! No I don't think DH will be happy to basically pay for her to have netflix.

Agree with the PP who have said not to worry about it and just put a pin on my profile. If it starts to be a problem trying to watch it when they are watching it we'll have to rethink.

Couldn’t you upgrade the the 4/5 people option? It’s not a lot more, then the kids can have their own profiles at mums house. If she chooses to watch it then she can use one of their profiles so who’s it really harming?

Well, they'd be needlessly paying for another household's Netflix, for starters.

You don't need to do this OP, they need to take it up with their mum when they're at her house.

Peak mumsnet - people telling you to pay more for Netflix for the Ex’s house…

It's a pain but it doesn't hurt anyone.

We have the additional annoyance of DSD not having any technology at her mums so have to keep forking out for a laptop, iPad etc that the whole family uses.

@RaisedByPangolins

says he should pay her more as he pays more for his kid with me). Did he reduce his maintenance to her when he moved in with you? If so then yes, he should definitely get the kids their own Netflix profile for the sake of £5 a month or whatever the difference is! I always thought that rule was shitty, that men get to pay less towards their own DC because they’re funding someone else’s.

No he absolutely did not. And I don't even know why she thinks she know show much he spends anyway. I'm a fairly high earner so I buy my child a few nice things and then he gets an earful about him not buying them this that and the other.

@TicTacHoh

Peak mumsnet - people telling you to pay more for Netflix for the Ex’s house…

I was a bit surprised at that.