Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

[PingedPotato]

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

@BeyondOurReef

Yes… clearly you’re being petty if you don’t want to share netflix with your husband’s ex.

I’d hate seeing my SDC’s mother’s viewing choices messing up my Netflix algorithm. And her seeing what we’ve been watching. That’s weirdly intrusive.

Yeah it just feels a bit odd knowing she might be watching it.

The one screen option is pretty hard to share though, I wouldn’t add it to anyone else’s device if it just meant you were going to be messaging asking them to be logging out all the time?

@PingedPotato oh that makes it all the better.

I can just imagine her in the middle of watching Glee and me logging her out mid episode with a message sorry your in your dad's so head down stairs and get his log in until you come back next week when I will let you back into ours. What a carry on.

My SS also had access to our account when in his mams on his games console. So im sure there was a possibility his mam and siblings used it. I think its a risk of having multi viewer on accounts and access on devices that can be used anywhere.

If u had multi user id say petty....as you have single user then no. You are the user and only your household get access. Dont get into drama of having to ask dh ex to stop watching. Just setting yourself up to look like bad guy.

In the surface yes it’s petty but the reality is it’ll end up being used against you. When you have to ring up to ask them to stop watching their film on a Saturday night for example, you can guarantee their mum will say that it’s because their dad is prioritising your son over them.

I wouldn't be remotely bothered if ds logged on our Netflix at his dads. I think its petty.

Very good points about the having to ask them to log out being used against us

If they have tablets just log them in without giving them the password then she can't use it - although in the grand scheme if things indo think this is a pick your battles thing and probably not a hill worth dying on.

Exdp (dd's dad) pays for nowtv and I pay for disney+ and we both have the log in details for each.

My friend got her stepkids accounts to pay their pocket money into & if they want subscription services will pay extra & organise it through their debit cards. That way even if Mum did steal the service there wouldn’t be any privacy issues.

My accounts are used by my sister and her partner, her partners parents, my parents, DSS and DS, but hell would freeze over before DH's ex got the passwords DSS wouldn't give it to her to be fair, he knows not to take the piss, but then he's an adult.

I can understand if SC are watching a series as it can be really annoying when you start a series and you have to wait to watch it all and cannot binge watch the series!

I come from divorced parents and I used my DF's Netflix for years and my DM never used the Netflix as she thought it would be really cheeky so she just got her own account.

DM never used the Netflix as she thought it would be really cheeky so she just got her own account.

That’s the difference.

Our daughters logged us on to my ex Netflix (he's never paid maintenance) fully enjoyed it. Would I return favour ? No way😂😂😂

My lot have all our our log ins, I know DHs ex watches our Netflix for example, really can't get worked up about it. Ultimately the kids benefit from it as they get to watch it when not with us & they get time watching time with their mum. We pay a little extra on our subscriptions to enable more than one screen. At the end of the day it's not worth being petty as the only people you're really screwing over are the kids.

@Benjaminsniddlegrass

My lot have all our our log ins, I know DHs ex watches our Netflix for example, really can't get worked up about it. Ultimately the kids benefit from it as they get to watch it when not with us & they get time watching time with their mum. We pay a little extra on our subscriptions to enable more than one screen. At the end of the day it's not worth being petty as the only people you're really screwing over are the kids.

Comments like this frustratingly gloss over the obvious. They only have a single viewer account. It's not like they have logins going spare and are choosing to withhold them, they would actually be required to pay for a further account to facilitate this. It's not petty to NOT do this, it would be a very generous act, not something that should be done by default or the person involved is "petty".

We pay a little extra on our subscriptions to enable more than one screen seriously? It's one thing letting them have the log in, another saying whatever mum can watch it too but we are absolutely categorically NOT paying for extra Netflix for their mum's house.

If she wants to do some negotiating and pay the difference we can think about it but after the fuss she made over us not paying for flipping horse lessons I am frankly never paying for anything at their mums house ever again.

I don't think you're being petty at all. To me this isn't about who's watching Netflix - it's about the assumption that yet again dad & sms life, home & finances are viewed by ex & dc as nothing more than an extension of their lives; an extension to which they all feel entitled!
I'm with the pp who's dm got her own account - that is good manners & decent boundaries.
My exdp's dc had his Netflix password & when his exw found out she cancelled her own Netflix & used exdp's! That to me is cheeky as F.

Ffs my siblings all share the same netflix. It's no big deal. It would be really annoying going from one account to another, especially if like me I can't remember what episode we're on.

Stick to your guns. My sons have their own Netflix account at their dads and an account at mine.

Why? They can only access a Netflix account in whoever home they are in. What if they are on a sleep over or trip away. Who's account do they use.

Honestly why make something so straightforward even more complicated than it has to be. When in a blended family there is so much more important stuff to be navigated.

If my ex or my ss mother was so petty that they insisted either of our children couldn't access their account in our house DH and would laugh our heads of and set them up with their own pay for it and let them share it with whoever they wanted.

Honestly no wonder no wonder so many blended families are an absolute disaster if its at this level of pettiness.

@Maybe83

Why? They can only access a Netflix account in whoever home they are in. What if they are on a sleep over or trip away. Who's account do they use.

Honestly why make something so straightforward even more complicated than it has to be. When in a blended family there is so much more important stuff to be navigated.

If my ex or my ss mother was so petty that they insisted either of our children couldn't access their account in our house DH and would laugh our heads of and set them up with their own pay for it and let them share it with whoever they wanted.

Honestly no wonder no wonder so many blended families are an absolute disaster if its at this level of pettiness.

Another one spectacularly missing the point that it is one user subscription. As you say no reason at all why the ex doesn't just pay for her own.

Honestly no wonder no wonder so many blended families are an absolute disaster if its at this level of pettiness no disaster happening here thanks. And yes it's just a little thing which is why I thought I'd ask if it was petty. Seems some people think it is others don't. I guess it depends on the history with the ex.

I don’t think you’re being petty. You have a one screen account so it’s clearly not for sharing. And even if you had additional screens, I would not share a password.

But as a PP said, this is not about Netflix. It’s about the constant expectations of more money, more control, higher priority and nasty judgement about you and your finances from the ex.

I wouldn’t give it to them but maybe your partner can pay for them to have an account at their mums