Am I just being petty? (Sharing Subscriptions etc)

[PingedPotato]

We pay for Netflix. The DSC wants to have the log on so they can watch it at mums. Fair enough I guess but then I thought no hang on.. we pay for that and mum is blatantly going to watch it. Also I don't want to go to watch something and be like oh no now I have to ask DH to text DSC to ask them to log off. Also they can see what I've been watching and it makes me feel a bit like privacy being invaded knowing mum can see all the dull documentaries I like to watch.

But then part of me feels like I'm just being petty.

What do all you other step families do with subscription services like netflix?

Here

After reading this thread, I am going to go to my parish church and light a candle of thanksgiving to St.Jude in gratitude for the SM that my children have. There is no way that she would have ever entertained thoughts of such petty behavior. Sometimes, it takes reminders like this to remind me to be grateful for the gifts in my life.

I really like my kids SM ,and this posting is making me realize that perhaps she may be the exception rather than the norm. I certainly don't know or care if my step kids use my Netflix.any place else we have a multi user account and I think at most that cost an additional 6 dollars a month.

@lentilsforever

Ah here we have the latest GB pricing. Honestly, I’d buy this for them for a Christmas present

Why is that down to op?

It's an extra £4 a month for multi devices. One whole pound a week. I think you're being petty.

@Tattler2

After reading this thread, I am going to go to my parish church and light a candle of thanksgiving to St.Jude in gratitude for the SM that my children have. There is no way that she would have ever entertained thoughts of such petty behavior. Sometimes, it takes reminders like this to remind me to be grateful for the gifts in my life.

I really like my kids SM ,and this posting is making me realize that perhaps she may be the exception rather than the norm. I certainly don't know or care if my step kids use my Netflix.any place else we have a multi user account and I think at most that cost an additional 6 dollars a month.

I would be interested to hear her thoughts to be honest.

@Harlequin1088

I love my stepsons but no way in hell would I let them use our subscription services at their mother's house. Next she'd be asking us to pay her leccy bill as all the extra time spent watching Netflix at her house has cost her more 😂

Careful because we had the spectre of electricity bill being paid for by us last week. The Cost of Christmas future is also looming as the ex doesn't like to not get the best food for her house

Apparently my buying my DD she's (not joint child I share with DP mind) showed that we weren't suffering for money and they had blown 10k in inheritance on clothes holiday and shopping in a few months but forgot to pay for boring stuff such as bills.

Ah to be a the type ex wife that doesn't have to worry about paying for stuff 🙃

We have the multi one because the kids who live in my household (Uni holidays) enjoy it as part of our household. As three are at Uni (2 mine 1 Dh's) in different parts of the country then they all have a profile.

Would I change this so the other dsc (3 more) can log in at their mums ? No chance . Why can't she buy her own. ?

@Bettyboop3

It's an extra £4 a month for multi devices. One whole pound a week. I think you're being petty.

You might be able to spare £48 a year for it but that will be £48 taken from the household budget for the DSC to watch tv at their mums that they could easily wait to watch at ours. £48 is about a weeks shopping for us.

@Tattler2

After reading this thread, I am going to go to my parish church and light a candle of thanksgiving to St.Jude in gratitude for the SM that my children have. There is no way that she would have ever entertained thoughts of such petty behavior. Sometimes, it takes reminders like this to remind me to be grateful for the gifts in my life.

I really like my kids SM ,and this posting is making me realize that perhaps she may be the exception rather than the norm. I certainly don't know or care if my step kids use my Netflix.any place else we have a multi user account and I think at most that cost an additional 6 dollars a month.

Way to make a step mum feel judged. Thanks.

Personally I would just pay the couple of quid extra to have more than one screen able to watch at the same time.

I get there are issues and reasons why you don't want to etc but if you strip it all back it should be about the kids and making them happy. I don't think it's the end of the world if the Mum watches a few programmes on it. I could understand if it cost £50 but it is literally pounds extra.

I know my partner would absolutely pay this in a heartbeat to keep his kids happy regardless of all the issues.

@lentilsforever

Ah here we have the latest GB pricing. Honestly, I’d buy this for them for a Christmas present

No I've bought their Xmas present it cost £10 for each of them. Dad is buying them a big present each we can't afford to keep shelling out cash for things they do not need.

@hoomama

Personally I would just pay the couple of quid extra to have more than one screen able to watch at the same time.

I get there are issues and reasons why you don't want to etc but if you strip it all back it should be about the kids and making them happy. I don't think it's the end of the world if the Mum watches a few programmes on it. I could understand if it cost £50 but it is literally pounds extra.

I know my partner would absolutely pay this in a heartbeat to keep his kids happy regardless of all the issues.

It does cost £50! (Approx)

If it's so little cost, so insignificant, why can their actual mother not pay for it in her own house?

If it was the other way round everyone would be calling dad and step mum cheeky fuckers. But oh no if mum wants to use it you best pay, don't be tight.

The OP never mentioned that she had ever been cut off while attempting to view; because the OP (me) hasn't handed over the details yet!

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

If it's so little cost, so insignificant, why can their actual mother not pay for it in her own house?

If it was the other way round everyone would be calling dad and step mum cheeky fuckers. But oh no if mum wants to use it you best pay, don't be tight.

Exactly. If we asked to use her amazon prime account etc she'd rightfully laugh in our faces.

Is your dh wanting to do it?

We share to be honest, exh has my log in for sky go, I have an account on his Spotify! We do have separate Netflix now though I have been known to use his Amazon prime. Kids get the log ins on their devices of course. Share and share alike is our policy but then we are still friends

@Tattler2

After reading this thread, I am going to go to my parish church and light a candle of thanksgiving to St.Jude in gratitude for the SM that my children have. There is no way that she would have ever entertained thoughts of such petty behavior. Sometimes, it takes reminders like this to remind me to be grateful for the gifts in my life.

I really like my kids SM ,and this posting is making me realize that perhaps she may be the exception rather than the norm. I certainly don't know or care if my step kids use my Netflix.any place else we have a multi user account and I think at most that cost an additional 6 dollars a month.

This a good example of what I call not reading the room. Re religion - pride is actually one of deadliest and most frowned upon sins and the route of all evil... just saying..

If she wants Netflix she can pay for it.

I have the one screen. It is on the TV in the living room. My own kids don't even know the password. That way I don't have the faff of getting them to log off so I can watch something. They can't watch stuff on the tv, and do. Just not on their phone/laptop in the bedroom.

Are you going to pay her TV licence as well? How about Spotify? What if they want Amazon prime or Disney? How far does it have to go?

@Tattler2

I do like my step kids. I homeschooled them. I took them into protective custody. I feed them, clothe them, take them on days out, I enjoy their company.

But I don’t enjoy being asked time and time again to do things that are not for ‘my blended family’. It is not my responsibility to care for the kids on DM’s time, it’s not my responsibility to ferry their dog from another home around between DM’s and DGran’s, it is not my responsibility to help DM because she’s taken too many drugs and had too much booze and decided to go on a rant and make bad choices.

Not everyone’s life fits into the neat little boxes you have, not everyone has a great relationship and sometimes it is enough just to provide what you can for those children while they are in circumstances you can control.

I wish that I had a relationship with their Mum whereby we could share Netflix, responsibilities, whatever. But I don’t. And I won’t pour my finite resources into making that world better when it is enough doing what I do already.

OP if boundaries are an issue, keep them high. It is okay to say no. It is okay to say ‘that’s for your mum to decide’ - at the end of the day she might not want it and no doubt there’d be another AIBU post on here that SM has forced Netflix watching on DCs at BM’s house and isn’t it awful?

You control your house and your house only. She controls her house and her house only. That makes it nice and simple for everyone to know their place kids included.

Believe you me when they are fourteen and you’re moving playstations around because you created that entitlement and expectation you will not thank yourself for this decision.

@Tattler2

After reading this thread, I am going to go to my parish church and light a candle of thanksgiving to St.Jude in gratitude for the SM that my children have. There is no way that she would have ever entertained thoughts of such petty behavior. Sometimes, it takes reminders like this to remind me to be grateful for the gifts in my life.

I really like my kids SM ,and this posting is making me realize that perhaps she may be the exception rather than the norm. I certainly don't know or care if my step kids use my Netflix.any place else we have a multi user account and I think at most that cost an additional 6 dollars a month.

It's been a while since I've laughed out loud at a post on here, so thanks for that.

FGS Tattler. I will be raising a glass of wine tonight in honour of my DSS's mother, who wouldn't be so bloody ridiculous (not to mention privileged) that she would feel the need to go to go to her local church to light a candle because I wouldn't pay for her Netflix for her 😂 One of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard.

@gogohm

We share to be honest, exh has my log in for sky go, I have an account on his Spotify! We do have separate Netflix now though I have been known to use his Amazon prime. Kids get the log ins on their devices of course. Share and share alike is our policy but then we are still friends

I do this with my parents and my DPs parents. Between us, we have a multi user netflix, Disney+, NowTV and Amazon Prime, but it works out so we're all paying roughly equal. If I wasn't getting something in return I would be miffed if one of them wanted to use my account and didn't offer to split the price, and that includes my own parents!

Why are there so many people that think people expecting you to pay for your own stuff is "petty"?

@Tattler2

After reading this thread, I am going to go to my parish church and light a candle of thanksgiving to St.Jude in gratitude for the SM that my children have. There is no way that she would have ever entertained thoughts of such petty behavior. Sometimes, it takes reminders like this to remind me to be grateful for the gifts in my life.

I really like my kids SM ,and this posting is making me realize that perhaps she may be the exception rather than the norm. I certainly don't know or care if my step kids use my Netflix.any place else we have a multi user account and I think at most that cost an additional 6 dollars a month.

That all sounds very dramatic!

I completely understand this. I know DH's ex uses my Netflix because it shows up with her programs.

She's too cheap to get her own (or provide it for the kids) and it drives me spare. But I love SDs so I just (angrily) swallow it for their sake.

She also tried to insist we pay for her Sky TV, but that was a hard no.

Can't wait till the kids go off to uni at which point she'll no longer be using my logins. (They can of course still, but I'll be booting her TV off with glee).

We used to allow the kids to login to our multi screen Netflix at her mums house but I lost my temper a little bit a while ago when we checked the login locations in the account and saw that someone (not me or DH) has seemed to give it out to a load of people.

So we told them we assumed the account had been hacked and booted everyone out of the account. I didn't mind the stepmum having it but drew the line at all of the local comprehensive seemingly having access.

After a rethink we logged the kids in on their phones for them and never gave them the password. Funnily enough exw got her own account shortly after that