Should I just go and get them?

[Avocadodo]

My DH is due to pick up his children this weekend and then mum due to pick them up. DH can't drive this weekend due to injury. Their mum asked DH if I could come and get them. I've never spoken to her in my life and I'm not that involved in the parenting side of things and also I hate the motorway. So I've said no, and DH can't find anyone else (family live many miles away).

So no fuss from DH, not my kids so not my problem. But Ex is now insisting I go and get them and she's got plans for the weekend she doesn't want to cancel. She said I need to step up for them. Is that just tough or shall I
go the long way and get them? DH would have to pay for my petrol. I mean I see her point of view but if I didn't exist they'd have to sort it out between them.

OP I don't know why you are getting a lot of negativity.
I don't think you should go either after the way your DPs ex is behaving, however, I am glad you are going and putting the children first. That makes you a great stepmum in my eyes.
I hope you have a safe drive. I don't enjoy driving much myself, so I do understand what a wrench it is having to do such a long drive.
I know its been such a tough week but hopefully your DP will recover soon. Try and rest up as much as you can.

What fresh hell is this?
Dad cannot do it.
Mum will not do it.
And yet somehow OP is the person in the firing line for abuse on here, as well as being strung out taking care of all the things she is actually responsible for when her DH is out of action?

No. It’ll be a slippery slope. She can’t make demands of you. If she’s so desperate to get rid she can drive

@Youseethethingis part of the course.

Under that lovely and bullshit guise of "you knew what you were getting into" (said in high pitch screechy voice)

Some of the comments have been overwhelming guilt overtones

She sounds bloody awful. How pathetic that she can't just drop them off when she knows their dad is unable to drive. Its not like hes ententionally trying to ruin her plans

If contact is only EOW I'd be pretty miffed if I was expected to spend some of my very little child free time travelling twice in over the weekend. I would feel differently if contact was more frequent, so time dealing with the children was shared, but it sounds like the mother does the bulk of the childcare needs.

That being said, If I was the ex, I wouldn't be demanding you do it either, but it is up to your DH to sort it out - whether that's asking you or not. Last resort should be asking his ex, it's his contact, up to him to sort it out IMO

@daisyjgrey

Good lord, go and get them. You're being stubborn.

Also, how are you married to a man with children but you've never met the mother of his kids/aren't really anything to do with the parenting? This sounds mad!

Ask their mum that. I've offered she's refused.

There is no way on Earth I would allow my children to be driven by anyone who is not a confident and competent driver. The fact that you are actually being pressured to do it is beyond belief to me. Three hours with three children in a car just don't do it for your lack of confidence apart from anything else.

@PurfectPaul

but you've never met the mother of his kids

Do keep up, it's the Mum who won't meet OP / even say hello to her.

I never said who was in the wrong, just that it was a ridiculous situation, regardless of who has manufactured it.

You could maybe also look into refresher driving lessons for future in case you need to go on a motorway. *missing the point.

Well OP was hardly going to not marry her husband because some woman wouldn't meet her, was she?

@HHSchultz

There is no way on Earth I would allow my children to be driven by anyone who is not a confident and competent driver. The fact that you are actually being pressured to do it is beyond belief to me. Three hours with three children in a car just don't do it for your lack of confidence apart from anything else.

Just because she won't drive on the motorway?! I've held my licence for 14 years, never driven on the motorway (always avoided) and never had an accident . More than capable driver, just don't like the way others drive on motorways..

just that it was a ridiculous situation

That ridiculous situation is my life

@ArdoCycle

You could maybe also look into refresher driving lessons for future in case you need to go on a motorway. *missing the point.

Already on the waiting list with an instructor :) it's been ages due to covid etc.

@HHSchultz

There is no way on Earth I would allow my children to be driven by anyone who is not a confident and competent driver. The fact that you are actually being pressured to do it is beyond belief to me. Three hours with three children in a car just don't do it for your lack of confidence apart from anything else.

Up to her really. She's the one insisting. I can do it, I just hate the motorway and would doubley hate it with noisy kids.

I don't understand why he doesn't have contingency plans? The simple fact of the matter is that his ex should be able to rely on her children's dad to have their children when he says he will there is a contingency plan for if there's an accident when they are with us and she is unavailable to pick them up. He was the contingency plan last year for covid when one of then family members on exs side was vulnerable. Not her DP.

Sofaking, the OP said she hates driving.

@Vanessashanessajenkins2 thank you so much! Just needed a bit of support really. I know I've ranted a bit. I haven't ranted IRL. You know when everything gets so much and then it's like one more thing to add to the pile. It's not ex's fault its no ones fault.

@HHSchultz

Sofaking, the OP said she hates driving.

I did she? I missed that bit, just picked up on avoiding motorway driving

@HHSchultz

Sofaking, the OP said she hates driving.

On the motorway.

Saw a nasty accident once. Put me right off.

I think you are getting a hard time on here. 3 hours is too much driving and as a former nervous motorway driver I feel for you. I'd not do it in your shoes. I agree it should be sorted out between dh and his ex. It sounds like you have enough to do with all of the domestic burden whilst dh is injured.

Can I just check then, if mum falls ill on her contact time and can't look after the kids by herself she should ask her DP rather than ask their dad if he can help? And then if dad says he can't as he's got a footie match to go to or something then dad is OK to insist her DP does it?

I can just imagine the different responses

I never said who was in the wrong, just that it was a ridiculous situation, regardless of who has manufactured it

So you think it's a ridiculous situation that OP married her husband but hasn't met the mother of his kids who refuses to meet her or even say hello?

What do you expect OP to do? Not marry him because his ex won't meet her?

I seriously wouldn't do this.

You have another child who will be sat in a car for 3 hours- that isn't fair on them.

If you were posting saying you wanted to do this trip to collect yourself a new dress people would be saying yabu and it's not fair on your child to do this!

Not only that but the mother is being rude about how you should do this. And kids fighting for an hour and a half while you drive 90 mins. No thanks! I think it's fair you look after them while with you etc but not the journey.

She needs to find alternative arrangements as in the kids are dropped by her family etc or they don't come (understanding the reasons of daddy can't drive) and stay longer next holiday/ extra weekend some other time.