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Step-parenting

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Original poster

CMS and my income

205 replies

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 18:51

Hi, does anyone know if there are any circumstances in which CMS would take into account my income for the calculation. DH is on a private arrangement with his ex at the moment and keeps being asked if I can help contribute towards things like school uniform and why he's not paying more as the DSC have told them I've got a new job.

OP posts:
Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 18:53

I mean his response is always, BaconAvocado's finances are nothing to do with you but we wanted to make sure we haven't missed anything. Might just go to CMS and let them sort it out.

Also, the money he pays is meant to cover everything yes? He pays extra for school trips but that's his choice.

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Hiphopboppertybop99 · 29/08/2021 19:18

CMS will never take Your income into account.
And do you mean DH exw is asking you to contribute extra towards school uniforms ?
What does DH pay exw in relation to what CMS calculator says?

SpaceBethSmith · 29/08/2021 19:20

CMS don’t use your income, no.

However, the payment is the legal bare minimum and covers, well, fuck all in most cases.

Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 19:28

@Hiphopboppertybop99

CMS will never take Your income into account. And do you mean DH exw is asking you to contribute extra towards school uniforms ? What does DH pay exw in relation to what CMS calculator says?
Yes, DH said he can't afford to give her any extra this month and she said well what about BaconAvacado as she knows I've got a new job! That was shot down by DH.
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Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 19:32

He pays £450 a month for 2 children. We have one child. Ex works part time but I don't think that should affect what he pays. He said CMS worked out at just under £400 but he wanted to pay a bit extra for music lessons and SC1's hobby and then when they have school trips he pays halves.

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Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 19:34

Oh and unless she has remortgaged ex owns her home outright.

No idea what's reasonable really. We both want the kids to be provided for. We just don't think that there's any way I should be doing the providing. Especially now I have my own LO.

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NewlyGranny · 29/08/2021 19:34

Well, unless you adopt your DSC, you have no financial obligation towards them! Is that what any of you wants?

The DSC's DM needs to have a chat with a family law solicitor, or just Google step-parents' financial obligations. This wants shutting down sharpish.

candlelightsatdawn · 29/08/2021 19:47

Ohh just seen another poster mentioning her DH ex mentioned her income in forms of child maintenance. Might be worth asking her as she's had that exact situation username (Dolly Parton) - she seems lovely. Her thread is near topish of the board at the moment.

God knows defo would have a investigate before involving CMS.

Never knew this was a thing before !!

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 29/08/2021 19:50

I'm glad your DH has told her his maintenance is nothing to do with you. If she doesn't believe, like a PP has suggested she can always do her own research into this.
I don't want to get into the debate about CMS calculation of payments, and whether it is enough etc as that is not what you're posting about. If your DH can't afford extra this month then he can't afford it.
I don't know how you manage your finances but would it be reasonable if you could lend him an amount towards the uniform and he can pay you back at a later date? Or could he afford to give extra to the ex next month? It may not help with the uniform situation but she may accept it.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/08/2021 19:53

Is there a reason he's only working part time when he's got 3 to support?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 29/08/2021 19:55

@LaurieFairyCake

Is there a reason he's only working part time when he's got 3 to support?
He doesn't. His ex wife does. But presumably you won't ask why when it's her!

No op, they can't take your income into account under any circumstances. I would just keep telling her that.

Bananarama21 · 29/08/2021 19:57

Could he not help with the uniforms if their in senior its a very expensive do.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/08/2021 20:05

Thanks getyourarse, I misread Grin

RandomMess · 29/08/2021 20:12

Perhaps he needs to go back to paying the minimum and saving the rest and agreeing in advance what extras he will pay jointly for?

Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 20:22

@LaurieFairyCake

Is there a reason he's only working part time when he's got 3 to support?
He works full time! She works part time with her 2 to support. No judgement from me there though. It was only mentioned in case it was relevant to the cms.
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Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 20:22

@LaurieFairyCake

Thanks getyourarse, I misread Grin
Sorry didnt read the rest of the thread!
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Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 20:25

@RandomMess

Perhaps he needs to go back to paying the minimum and saving the rest and agreeing in advance what extras he will pay jointly for?
Yeah he's thinking of doing this and then saying ok I'll pay for half the hobbies and music lessons as they come up. That way he could then afford to pay towards extra like uniform. Do most people's other halves do that? Pay minimum then half the uniform and trips and ad hoc stuff
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Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 20:30

@candlelightsatdawn thank you so much!
@Bananarama21 I think he was assuming the maintenance would go towards it? She can use that for whatever she likes.

I could lend him the money but I am reluctant for things to get messy as I have a DC with OH and feel my earnings should go towards them as I have chosen to work the hours I do. Also reluctant to set a precident where he can afford to help her but by borrowing my earnings.

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frazzledasarock · 29/08/2021 20:41

Don’t get into the habit of lending DH money for his child maintenance. It’s a slippery slope, what if his ex then demands more money and more?

Yes CMS is a pittance, but that’s not your problem or the issue here. It sounds like your DH is trying to do right by his DC and paying over the CMS and trying to meet his ex half way with additional expenses for uniforms and trips etc.

Stay well out of it, you could be earning millions it’s nothing to do with his ex what you earn or pay towards for your own household.

Your DH is working and paying for his DC. That’s all that his ex should be concerned about.

If she wants more money she should try and up her own income. Why she’s expecting a woman who has no responsibility towards her DC to pay for them is what’s puzzling me. So if you lost your job she’d say oooh stop paying me CMS BaconAvocado has no income and needs it more than my kids do?

Thought not.

frazzledasarock · 29/08/2021 20:43

And I’m speaking as an ex wife. I’ve never once thought oooh I want ex’s wife (who was also OW, MN bingo right there) to financially contribute towards my children.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 29/08/2021 21:17

I understand your reluctance to help him out, but buying uniforms in bulk happens once a year... Next year he can budget to pay more when uniforms are due, why doesn't he do this? Is it first time she has asked for extra? . If he already contributes half towards school trips etc then it doesn't sound like he would be constantly asking you. Plus he has already told ex you're not responsible for his kids maintenance. It's absolutely your decision though.
From her point of view... if she works more would it mean paying for childcare or affect benefits, therefore in reality there would be no benefit?

Original poster
BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 21:37

From her point of view... if she works more would it mean paying for childcare or affect benefits, therefore in reality there would be no benefit? no idea! She gets child benefit does income affect that? Owns home outright. There's a partner on the scene but he's fairly new. But she can ask him to lend her money if my DH is expected to ask me to get involved? I'm not sure what her childcare requirements would be if she got a different job, and DH doesn't really feel he can tell her to get a different job if she's struggling to pay her half of raising them.

Anyway, DH is thinking of showing her the CMS calculation so she can see he is paying more than what they say and then on top of that he helps pays for trips and hobbies.

And thanks for the advice. I'm going to stand firm on the whole his child maintainence is nothing to do with me!

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frazzledasarock · 29/08/2021 21:44

Everyone regardless of whether they’re married or divorced us to work around childcare. That’s no reason whatsoever to demand money from a person who has no direct responsibility towards your child.

Child benefit is only affected if her income goes above £60k.

Dollyparton3 · 29/08/2021 21:47

@candlelightsatdawn

Ohh just seen another poster mentioning her DH ex mentioned her income in forms of child maintenance. Might be worth asking her as she's had that exact situation username (Dolly Parton) - she seems lovely. Her thread is near topish of the board at the moment.

God knows defo would have a investigate before involving CMS.

Never knew this was a thing before !!

That's me! I own the t-shirt Grin

We had the demand very early in our relationship and the CMS shut it down very quickly. We weren't married or cohabiting at the time so it was ultra cheeky fuckery to ask for it.

The legal standpoint on this is basically if you're the partner of the CMS payee then none of your income comes into account. We took the moral route and contributed way beyond what we were obliged to because we had two incomes but under no circumstances was that to be an obligation or expectation on the part of the ex wife.

If you have a joint child then I believe the CMS calculates a reduction on maintenance and depending on which Mumsnet board you post that sentiment then the wolves circle. Lone parents believe it's disposable and stepmums are generally logical in their thinking that there's just less cash in the maintenance pot.

If the exw is also benefitting from living in your partner's house then I'd say tot up the total benefits she's accruing and then firmly shut down anything you don't find acceptable. If need be have a chat with the CMS. They were really reasonable every time they spoke to my DH. The bit of paper they give you is the bare minimum but if you know you're going above and beyond then you don't need to convince anyone otherwise.

In our case my DH was livid at the request (a year into our courtship he was just really embarrassed that this ended up at our door). I told him I was embarrassed for her asking the question and not having the gumption to be self sufficient and sort herself out (e.g working full time hours like we both do) but it didn't reflect on him at all.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 29/08/2021 21:49

On that note @Dollyparton3 CMS only reduce payment by a teeny tiny % for an additional child which realistically I don't understand. Dp couldn't afford to contribute the same amount of cash to our joint child per week as he does to DSS! I certainly don't spent the equivalent on our child either. It's a flawed system.

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