Page 3 | CMS and my income

BaconAvocado · 2021-08-29T17:51:21+00:00

Hi, does anyone know if there are any circumstances in which CMS would take into account _my_ income for the calculation. DH is on a private arrangement with his ex at the moment and keeps being asked if I can help contribute towards things like school uniform and why he's not paying more as the DSC have told them I've got a new job.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 29/08/2021 22:13

[quote frazzledasarock]@Getyourarseofffthequattro I’m talking about the ex-wife she’d not have the expenses she has if she didn’t have a child with her ex (being your partner). The child maintenance he pays to her is supposed to reflect a contribution towards real living expenses for his child.

Nothing to do with where and how you personally choose to live.[/quote]
How do you know that? I can't imagine she'll move to a bedsit once her child moves out. She certainly didn't do that when he lived with us?

Well his contribution is around double her mortgage per month so I'd say he was hitting that, no?

(And yes, I know how much her mortgage is because he was paying the whole amount for a long time)

Dollyparton3 · 29/08/2021 22:14

@frazzledasarock yep! So let's suggest that the OP's child needs school uniform in 3 years and they've had a tough few months. Can you imagine them asking the ex wife for a contribution? I mean, this is the same logic, right?

LookHerey · 29/08/2021 22:14

@Viviennemary

I disagree up to a point. If one household is a lot better off than the other one then I think maintenance could be voluntarily increased. Rather than this nowt to do with me attitude.

So I assume that if Mum was better off you'd think she should contribute towards OPs household then?

Viviennemary · 29/08/2021 22:16

It wasn't aimed at anyone in paricular. If I was on a very high income then I would want to see my DH give more in maintenance if the other family was struggling. If it doesn't apply in this case then fine. Also if you think the ex could work more hours then that is also reasonable.

Dollyparton3 · 29/08/2021 22:16

@Viviennemary

I disagree up to a point. If one household is a lot better off than the other one then I think maintenance could be voluntarily increased. Rather than this nowt to do with me attitude.

I think in this case the ex wife sounds better off than the OP. Hasn't stopped the ex putting her hand out and asking for someone who is not the child's mother to contribute though

Original poster

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 22:17

[quote Dollyparton3]@frazzledasarock yep! So let's suggest that the OP's child needs school uniform in 3 years and they've had a tough few months. Can you imagine them asking the ex wife for a contribution? I mean, this is the same logic, right? [/quote]
Hahaha 😂 can imagine how well that will go down

OP posts:

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 29/08/2021 22:19

@BaconAvocado - I wasn't implying she should change her job or your DH should tell her to. You say she works part time - does she work around the time the kids are with you? Does she work when they're at school? Does she have family who may also help out with childcare ? My point was that if she increases her hours would she have to pay for childcare breakfast club/ after school club, childminder? I don't think you say how old the kids are. Meaning therefore any additional income is swallowed up in childcare? Or if she is on benefit then the more she earns the less she receives in benefit especially if UC, so no actual increase to her disposable income. You seemed to imply in your earlier post that as she only works part time your DH shouldn't pay more - that's quite rightly so, he shouldn't be subsidising her income due to her decision to work part time, but perhaps there is no benefit at this point in her working more hours.
You ask whether his CM should cover everything.... the majority of people on here believe its a pittance and is nowhere near enough for everyday basics. So think you can make of that what you wish as to whether or not it should cover extras. Seeing as though your DH voluntarily paid more than CMS calculations to include for a hobby and pays extra towards school trips then perhaps this suggests it doesn't cover everything and a further contribution taking into account uniforms is required.
Child benefit is not affected by earnings unless you're a high earner - think its £50k, but i stand to be corrected.
She should not be asking you to contribute to his kids, just as she should not have to ask her partner.
Maybe she's had an unexpected bill or something which has left her short for uniforms?
But... if DPs ex asked for a contribution (as she often does) to something for the SC then he will either pay it, or pay what he can if not full amount or discuss with me that could he use some from our savings. I would be happy with this with a once in a while scenario.... just as when our DC took up a hobby and we paid an amount from the savings. As I said in a PP not sure what your financial arrangements and whether or not she has asked for help with uniforms before.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/08/2021 22:21

People can’t it both ways. And the housing issue comes up often here. If the NRP is meant to fully accommodate their DC because the child deserves two homes they have the same housing costs as the RP. The children need bedrooms, furniture, linen, clothes, books, toys, devices, holidays, presents for birthday parties etc etc etc.

Child support is a contribution to the costs of the DC on the nights they’re with the RP. The reduction the NRP gets us based on the nights the DC are with them, when they then to fund a separate bedroom for each child and all the stuff that goes with it.

So both parents have the same housing costs and the RP gets child benefit, other benefits if they qualify and child support.

Expecting an unrelated third adult to chip in on top is epic cheeky fuckery.

frazzledasarock · 29/08/2021 22:23

[quote Dollyparton3]@frazzledasarock yep! So let's suggest that the OP's child needs school uniform in 3 years and they've had a tough few months. Can you imagine them asking the ex wife for a contribution? I mean, this is the same logic, right? [/quote]
Not sure if you’re agreeing with me or not. But I don’t think OP should be contributing a single penny towards child maintenance.

Dollyparton3 · 29/08/2021 22:25

@frazzledasarock sorry yes I was agreeing with you!! (My celebratory wine has kicked in by the looks of it!)

Original poster

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 22:25

@Viviennemary

It wasn't aimed at anyone in paricular. If I was on a very high income then I would want to see my DH give more in maintenance if the other family was struggling. If it doesn't apply in this case then fine. Also if you think the ex could work more hours then that is also reasonable.

Fair enough.

I'm not on a very high income.
I do think the ex could work more hours/different job if she wanted or more to the point /needed/ to, as she doesn't want to. But this is nothing to do with me, in the same way when I go out and get a new job I feel it should be nothing to do with her.

Not sure if they are struggling or if she sees it as a way to up her income, I don't know know her finances. But anyway thanks all for your comments, very helpful.

OP posts:

Dollyparton3 · 29/08/2021 22:26

@AnneLovesGilbert

People can’t it both ways. And the housing issue comes up often here. If the NRP is meant to fully accommodate their DC because the child deserves two homes they have the same housing costs as the RP. The children need bedrooms, furniture, linen, clothes, books, toys, devices, holidays, presents for birthday parties etc etc etc.

Child support is a contribution to the costs of the DC on the nights they’re with the RP. The reduction the NRP gets us based on the nights the DC are with them, when they then to fund a separate bedroom for each child and all the stuff that goes with it.

So both parents have the same housing costs and the RP gets child benefit, other benefits if they qualify and child support.

Expecting an unrelated third adult to chip in on top is epic cheeky fuckery.

This

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 29/08/2021 22:27

Exactly and in fact we have bigger housing costs because ex kept a loooooot more of the equity and dp had to start from scratch again....!

Original poster

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 22:33

My point was that if she increases her hours would she have to pay for childcare breakfast club/ after school club, childminder in her current job probably not. Oldest is old enough to get home from school and look after youngest for a couple of hours if needed.

DH pays for half the hobby and music lessons as he feels they are important. He wasn't told it was needed, he offered without being asked when they took them up. But yes point taken thank you.

OP posts:

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 29/08/2021 22:34

Oh and my DPs exw also thinks why shouldn't he pay half towards uniforms/ trips / hobbies on top of monthly maintenance.

funinthesun19 · 29/08/2021 22:35

You have no moral or legal obligation to pay towards maintenance.
There’s nothing in it for her regarding your new job so I don’t even know why it’s come up as a topic of discussion. It’s 100% none of her business.

frazzledasarock · 29/08/2021 22:38

With regards the NRP having to provide the same housing needs for their child. Child maintenance does go down the more nights a child spends with the NRP I think it goes down to a nominal amount of £7 a week if the child spends 174 nights with the NRP.

Don’t know the exact number but it maintenance does decrease with the more nights a child spends at NRP’s house.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 29/08/2021 22:40

Your DHs exw does sound in theory to be in a very fortunate position to be rent / mortgage free. I don't suppose you'll ever know her true circumstances - and it probably feels like she is constantly asking for more. Maybe a slight readjustment to his monthly payment is needed to incorporate uniforms seeing as he already pays for hobbies etc, then they both know his half of uniforms is covered. Or he saves a little extra for his half to give her next year. Its really finding out which way works best for your DH.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 29/08/2021 22:43

@frazzledasarock I'm pretty sure it is reduced by a certain % the more they have.
I think the £7 a week is if the paying parent is on benefit. But I may well be wrong.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 29/08/2021 22:50

[quote Hiphopboppertybop99]@frazzledasarock I'm pretty sure it is reduced by a certain % the more they have.
I think the £7 a week is if the paying parent is on benefit. But I may well be wrong.[/quote]
You're right but it's still a % of income. £7 is benefit payment afaik.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 29/08/2021 22:51

Though true 50/50 care no maintenance is paid.

Lou98 · 29/08/2021 22:55

Their mum is capable of working more if she wanted to. It is not my fault she has chosen the lifestyle she has.

Is your DH then going to have them 50/50 custody to facilitate that? Or would he not want to pay childcare for 50% of the time?

I don't think your income should be taken in to account as they are not your children. It's between your DH and his ex to sort their kids. However, I do think £450 a month is nowhere close to half the cost of raising two children, especially when that's covering two hobbies, uniforms etc as you've said the only extra he pays is school trips. It sounds like you both think he's doing the ex a favour by giving her more than the cms amount, doesn't mean it's enough in my opinion.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/08/2021 22:59

We haven’t had any hassle for a while, which is probably tempting fate, but I had a thread on here years ago about ex telling DSC they couldn’t have things as daddy didn’t pay her enough.

At the time he was paying child support, all childcare (and she was choosing to work pt) and spousal. She also had over 80% of the equity when the family house was sold so had a tiny mortgage.

He made the mistake of trying to keep them out of all grown up type discussions but paid the price for trying to be mature and a good dad as they started parroting that line and asking how much stuff in our house had cost. DH was skint and I was paying for all fun stuff like days out and holidays we took them on, while she was going away with her new boyfriend and leaving them behind. But if they hear it often enough it sadly sinks in a bit.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 29/08/2021 23:01

However, I do think £450 a month is nowhere close to half the cost of raising two children, especially when that's covering two hobbies, uniforms etc

I disagree. What do you spend £450 per child a month on?

I don't come close to that and the only time we did was when ds went to ft nursery....

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/08/2021 23:01

I do think £450 a month is nowhere close to half the cost of raising two children, especially when that's covering two hobbies

How much does it cost then? How do low earners with multipolar children make do if £900 per child per month isn’t enough?

And he’s already voluntarily paying for the hobbies. As OP has said.