CMS and my income

[BaconAvocado]

Hi, does anyone know if there are any circumstances in which CMS would take into account my income for the calculation. DH is on a private arrangement with his ex at the moment and keeps being asked if I can help contribute towards things like school uniform and why he's not paying more as the DSC have told them I've got a new job.

He's paying enough already. I have an ex whose wife earns a lot of money. I'd love for her to contribute to my dc as ex doesn't pay a penny(lives off her). However if I was receiving £450 for 2 children and was working....I'd be very happy! Child support is not taken into consideration for any benefits either....so all that money is for the kids. That's more than enough to cover everything so if she's asking for more...she's taking the p...especially if I read it right she's not paying rent/mortgage?
CS is roughly 20% of his income.

Just out of interest speaking as high earner also a SM and Mum to my DD. Could someone explain to me the thought process why I should be expected to pay for a child's maintenance ?

I had no involvement in the creation DSD and frankly 0 parental responsibility which people on this board frequently remind every SM at every point and have to tow some invisible line which usually means having no feelings, at any point.

Morally if she already benefits from my income (large room, large house, room finished to how she wants, unlimited supply of any type of food she wants , all latest tech, what ever clothes she likes ect) do I also have a moral responsibility to pay for where my DH lacks due to income differences ?

Just to caveat this with I do actually funnily enough pay to my DSD very expensive hobby which I invertedly got her into because we both have a interest in it. She wouldn't be able to do it without me financially and I'm happy to do it but no one has expected me to do it.

I suppose I want to hear from the other side of the coin ? Honest to god I had never thought of it and that's a bit shocking as I grew up on breadline so always thought I would be more aware.
Mind you DH ex isn't poor by any standards, I'm just a really high earner if it helps. Genuine question ?

@AnneLovesGilbert it isn't £900 per month per child - it's £900 for both children per month. He pays £450 for two children.

The hobbies she has said are included in that £450, they've said it's voluntary because it's more than CMS have calculated.

That was just my opinion as I stated, others can disagree but I stand by what I said. As I said though, OPs income shouldn't come in to it as not her children

They’re not just ‘someone else’s’ children though, are they. They’re my husband’s children. Not some random children with whom I have no connection.

We share all of our money and if for some reason his income wasn’t enough to pay for something then mine would cover it. It would break his heart not to even be able to meet half the cost of his kids’ uniforms or music lessons. My interest in my husband’s well-being and my recognition of his important it is to him that he provides well for them and that his children have opportunities isn’t the same as imagining I have parental responsibility for them, and it’s not the same as thinking there should be an expectation or legal requirement for me to contribute.

I suppose if his ex-wife died the children would live here 100% of the time and we would pay for everything from our family money. We wouldn’t suddenly carve out his income and cap the spending on them to match his income alone whilst continuing to spend to the limits of our joint incomes on our child together.

These women who have the cheek to ask about another woman paying for their child's needs just amaze me.

@Lou98 her job isn't my concern. I really don't feel any ill will towards her working the very few hours she does. If she did increase her hours she could do so with very little impact on her child care. But her income is none of mine or DH's business and my income is none of her business.

@Hiphopboppertybop99

Your DHs exw does sound in theory to be in a very fortunate position to be rent / mortgage free. I don't suppose you'll ever know her true circumstances - and it probably feels like she is constantly asking for more. Maybe a slight readjustment to his monthly payment is needed to incorporate uniforms seeing as he already pays for hobbies etc, then they both know his half of uniforms is covered. Or he saves a little extra for his half to give her next year. Its really finding out which way works best for your DH.

But if an increase in the monthly payments covers the uniform then surely that means the monthly payments as they are should cover uniform? Is uniform and back to schools stuff not covered? Genuine question, coz if its not then yes DH will have to find the money.

Just out of interest speaking as high earner also a SM and Mum to my DD. Could someone explain to me the thought process why I should be expected to pay for a child's maintenance ?

Yes I too am wondering this!

To reintegrate @candlelightsatdawn point. A bit of luck, right place right time and a lot of hard work over decades has resulted in my being a high earner. My income is to provide for my children (I made a very conscious decision to not have more children than I have) and to provide for my retirement. Given my divorce made me poorer overnight, providing for my own old age is my numbers one priority.

People do remember that not only men go through divorce and split assets/ pay maintenance right? Women do too.

In which bonkers universe should I now also pay ‘extra’ towards my partners ex and their children? Wtaf? I have no issue working hard and knowing I am exceptionally fortunate. My financial security is for my children and myself, no one else.

They made their decision to have children and separate. She made her decision to stop working completely when their first was born. Their choices, their responsibility. Not mine.

@BaconAvocado maintenance is to cover everything basically, you don't legally need to pay for any extras. Of course you can do, we did, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't for an easy life and to avoid being screamed at down the phone. The amount of maintenance could easily cover uniform but dps ex is shit with money.

In this circumstance I'd be wondering why she can't afford it tbh.

Thanks @Getyourarseofffthequattro. That's what we thought from what we've read.

In this circumstance I'd be wondering why she can't afford it tbh. yes we are wondering that too but she does have a partner and has been having a nice time going on holidays with him this summer. I guess to make up for lockdown so maybe now she's got a slight cash flow issue.

DH is going to take the DSC to get a new school bag and trousers and leave it at that.

I have a backpack I have offered one of them can have but DH thinks they should choose one really as mine is probably uncool 🤣

They made their decision to have children and separate. She made her decision to stop working completely when their first was born. Their choices, their responsibility. Not mine @sassbott this is how I'm feeling really. Her income and her children aren't my responsibility financially. They already benefit as I pay half the mortgage here which is bigger than it would be as they have their own rooms.

@BaconAvocado - it's difficult for us to know if the £450 covers 'everything' - I believe the general consensus to be acceptable on here is ex partners pay £x amount a month and the contribute towards uniforms/ trips / hobbies as extra.
Legally CMS amount only is acceptable.- and I believe in most situations this is what happens.
Morally, I suppose that comes down to your DH.
I by no means think that you, or any other step mum, high earner or not is responsible for paying child maintenance to SC. But if my DP was struggling one month we would try and sort it together. I suppose it comes down to how you manage your finances.
As a PP said, what if the SC had to come to live with you? If your DH is responsible for all of their costs extra food, utilities (probably marginal), hobbies, uniforms, pocket money, trips, school dinners, activities, clothes, gadgets, mobiles etc etc...and he has a very reduced disposable income to contribute towards your household bills - how would that work for you? I appreciate its only an IF question...

@sassbott I'm with you- high earner myself due to a couple of good switches and mainly right place right time.

I know legally there's no reason why I would but I'm trying to figure out from the PP mentioning there is a moral one ? But it's seems like a very wishwashy description that doesn't really nail anything down.

I suppose it could be argued that my DH mental well-being bar the fact that he would be in same mental place without me, and he would have to find a away to make things work right ?

If it was reversed I wouldn't expect him to pay for my children's maintenance (if she didn't live with me) because he was high earner. I would consider that my responsibility and frankly horrified at the thought.

[quote Hiphopboppertybop99]@BaconAvocado - it's difficult for us to know if the £450 covers 'everything' - I believe the general consensus to be acceptable on here is ex partners pay £x amount a month and the contribute towards uniforms/ trips / hobbies as extra.
Legally CMS amount only is acceptable.- and I believe in most situations this is what happens.
Morally, I suppose that comes down to your DH.
I by no means think that you, or any other step mum, high earner or not is responsible for paying child maintenance to SC. But if my DP was struggling one month we would try and sort it together. I suppose it comes down to how you manage your finances.
As a PP said, what if the SC had to come to live with you? If your DH is responsible for all of their costs extra food, utilities (probably marginal), hobbies, uniforms, pocket money, trips, school dinners, activities, clothes, gadgets, mobiles etc etc...and he has a very reduced disposable income to contribute towards your household bills - how would that work for you? I appreciate its only an IF question...[/quote]
I suppose you would have cut your cloth accordingly. If DM died and we had SD full time, certain luxuries, things we have would have to reduce because more money would need to be spent on the basics.

I wouldn't just absorb the hit in its totality just because I'm earning well. That's a sure fast way to get way into debt.

For us when DSS moved in we were better off. The money dp had been paying in maintenance obviously wasn't going out. We still paid for uniform etc but as we'd been doing that anyway it was no change. Food bill was slightly bigger but that's it. And his mum paid us a small amount of maintenance and we got child benefit so actually we were quite a bit better off.

The other parent should still be contributing. So it isn't "just" £450 to raise two kids a month. It's £900 if Mum is contributing half as well.

The only way I would ever spend that sort of money on DC is because of childcare. So we can't know if it's reasonable or not unless we know how much the childcare bill is.

As they are school age and she works part time it may not be that much. In which case £900 on two children is not actually impossible at all as some poster's will try and make out.

How old are the dc? My ex pays half towards the uniform we just pick up different bits and if dc has a hobbie in the past he we split it. He gets pocket money from his dad and dh pays his contract and xbox live and we take turns with dinner money. Although I get £140 for DS works well as there's no resentment.

As a PP said, what if the SC had to come to live with you? presumably the kids would inherit her house in trust or something so maybe I'll give DH a nudge to check they are provided for in her will. And we'd probably just share family finance as there wouldn't be 2 adults able to provide income for them. Thanks for the info re uniform. I might suggest to DH that he tries to look at it as he does for school trips, as it is essential for their education.

give DH a nudge to check they are provided for in her will

This isn't really any of his business. If my ex tried to ask me what was in my will I'd tell him to bugger off.

I think DH should drop what he pays to the absolute minimum but buy one offs for the DC.

If she wants more money she should get more hours of work. She's very cheeky, OP. Your money is not to pay for her to sit on her arse only working part time.

There is zero childcare requirement on their mum's part. Youngest is still at primary but oldest is at secondary and old enough to watch youngest for a couple of hours if needed.

DH thinks that if he's paying £450 then if she matches it then thats £900 a month. I've no idea if that's possible for her but tbh I don't feel her income should come into how much he pays.

If there is no childcare then I don't see how £900 a month is terrible.

How often do they stay with you? Sorry if I've missed that.

EO Weekend and half the holidays