SC Bio-mum

[Spagz]

I need advice on how people deal with their SC bio-parent. I am a stepmum to a 4yo boy who I adore. We have him 50% of the week and I have been in his life for about 18 months now but his bio-mum is refusing to accept me. He’s starting primary school in two weeks and I said I will collect him from school on our days to have him but she’s called the school and told them I’m not allowed to do so. She said I’m not allowed to be apart of any part of that. I’m not allowed for sports day, I’m not allowed to ask his teachers about homework or anything. If he calls to speak to daddy then I’m not allowed to talk to him. I just don’t know how to deal with it. Any advice? Should I just backdown and do the bare minimum with him like she wants or should I try and be apart of his life like me and his dad would like?

Oh @DancesWithTortoises you feel step mothers get a raw deal on here? Why is the solution to make things up?

Why do mothers have to be such superior beings? Step mums can end up with a fair bit of responsibility towards the child for one reason or another but the mother always has to see the step mum relegated to a less important status.

No one is denying a child’s natural mother is usually the most important person in a child’s life, it doesn’t mean that mother has to bash a step mum to enforce her superiority.

You answer your own question.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

The step parenting board still comes up in active conversations and they do draw people (mothers) in. After all it could be some one talking about their kids

Of course it could, but many of these mother's have zero experience of step parenting and a massive axe to grind. It's an outlet for their anger at their ex or their exs partner. They see this board as fair game because their child has a step parent, and yes, that's fine if they actually have constructive advice or want to give support, but many come here simply because their ex is a twat and they want someone to have a go at.

Completely agree. I'd love it if MN could stop stepparenting threads appearing in Active as there is always so much nastiness, mainly from people who have never been step-parents. It's horrible and completely not constructive.

I don't know how to ask for that though? Can we tag them or something?

Who says there will come a time when he does have mid week day? He hasn't bothered to now. Op says they don't have him week days. Saying there will come a time when he does have 50:50, with nothing to back it up is ridiculous. I might as well say 'OP clearly, posted this trying to work out if they could do 50:50, even though her partner doesn't want it because she has a weird obsession with mothering this child'

But common sense says he must be going to his dad's during the week from when he starts school at least, otherwise why would OP offer to pick him up on 'their days'?? Clearly there are going to be some weekdays in the mix, even if there weren't before. Otherwise there would be no reason for OP to post this thread.

@54321nought

Please don't use the term "bio mum". She isn't his bio mum, she is his mum.

A bio mum is a woman who's child has been formally adopted by an adopted mum, who at that point takes the title "mum".

I'm guessing your kids have a step mum then.

For goodness sake, why does everyone get so obsessed with how things are worded these days? Taking offence for the sake of it.

@MrsRobbieHart

It’s not so much why “bio mum” has to be used but why certain people want to use it? Why is it so important to them they protect and assert their right to use it in this context?

I haven't seen anyone carry on using this term once others here express their distaste. It gets used on other forums and so when people come here for the first time, they don't realize they are giving offence.

This air space is labelled as a step parent forum, and new/potential step parents who come here for support are really not expecting it to be dominated by those with other fish to fry.

@LindaEllen because they can it would appear.

This thread has been hijacked by people who get kicks off making others feel bad even after they have apologised, I suspect they don't realise how badly it reflects on them.

It probably contributes a lot to people coining the term the golden uterus. There's a reason why people tend to think the ex is bitter and uses kids as weapons if this thread is still going.

I mean she apologised a few comments in and bio mum comment it's still being raised and people are still being offended.

Almost like some of the women on here are bitter 🤔

[quote candlelightsatdawn]@LindaEllen because they can it would appear.

This thread has been hijacked by people who get kicks off making others feel bad even after they have apologised, I suspect they don't realise how badly it reflects on them.

It probably contributes a lot to people coining the term the golden uterus. There's a reason why people tend to think the ex is bitter and uses kids as weapons if this thread is still going.

I mean she apologised a few comments in and bio mum comment it's still being raised and people are still being offended.

Almost like some of the women on here are bitter 🤔[/quote]
As pointed out yesterday, most of us were replying to the asking of what's the issue with Bio mum and not the OP who has since replied saying she didn't know the correct saying.

I haven't seen anyone carry on using this term once others here express their distaste.

I’m talking about the posters on this thread who are so fiercely defensive of it. Why is that term so important to them?

I mean she apologised a few comments in and bio mum comment it's still being raised and people are still being offended.

Except that’s not what’s happening here.

@MrsRobbieHart

I haven't seen anyone carry on using this term once others here express their distaste.

I’m talking about the posters on this thread who are so fiercely defensive of it. Why is that term so important to them?

It would be simpler to name them, so the rest of us can fact check and respond accordingly!

Oh that would be so welcome wouldnt it? do your own research!

@MrsRobbieHart

Oh that would be so welcome wouldnt it? do your own research!

Not picking this up! If you make allegations, you need to back them up with facts.

Boy who cried wolf otherwise.

Nah. Not biting on this occasion. The thread is there for you to read.

The issue term is in the thread title. That's why it draws people in when it appears in Active. The subject would have been dropped if people didn't keep popping up to defend its use. The OP isn't even here and is never coming back.

@NeverAgain123456 if you can’t cope with people responding to your comments, don’t post your comments on the internet. Save yourself the energy of making up character attacks on people for having the gall to think you understand how a forum works.

Your responses give you away.

brilliant! Have you any more of these?

Hi all. We've removed a few posts for breaking our guideline on making personal attacks on this thread. And sent a previously banned poster on their way. Hopefully things can get back on track now - but please report if not and we'll drop by again.

@MrsRobbieHart

Why do mothers have to be such superior beings? Step mums can end up with a fair bit of responsibility towards the child for one reason or another but the mother always has to see the step mum relegated to a less important status.

No one is denying a child’s natural mother is usually the most important person in a child’s life, it doesn’t mean that mother has to bash a step mum to enforce her superiority.

You answer your own question.

Quite!

Those pesky Bio mums acting like they gave birth to the kids or something ..

@MrsRobbieHart

I haven't seen anyone carry on using this term once others here express their distaste.

I’m talking about the posters on this thread who are so fiercely defensive of it. Why is that term so important to them?

It's not, what's important to me is nasty fucking bullies not being allowed to abuse someone over using the "wrong" term. And time and time again they're allowed to get away with it.