Inviting SC to disneyworld - part 2.

[Ohanaa]

Update to my previous thread as I said I would update with the mothers reply.

Previous thread for anyone that’s missed it and reads this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4294452-To-not-invite-step-child-to-Disneyworld-next-year

We sent a message to dsc mum yesterday fully explaining the plan, rough dates and asking if DSC would like to come but we also explained that she would need to pay upfront and we would reimburse once we are there.

Her reply was...

I will not be giving you a fucking penny.

Another text was sent explaining she would
Be paid back in full but due to the past we won’t be paying the money upfront.

She replied with a simple ‘No’.

So SC won’t be coming and her mum can’t even talk about it like a grown up. It’s a shame even if I don’t think DSC would enjoy it that much.

I will get on with booking the holiday this week and she can enjoy her trip with her mum when she goes.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my previous thread.

I can't believe you actually asked her to pay upfront. SO rude. Her reply was rude too, but no more so than your suggestion. Only person who misses out is the child, because parents can't get on like adults. So sad. (And yes, I read the other thread).

Oh good lord not this again.

OP you've known since post 1 you're not inviting DSC. The kid missed one holiday 3 years ago due to Christmas where you didn't lose money as it was a cottage type thing. This has been extrapolated into her DM will sabotage this holiday and many other imagined reasons why DSC can't possibly be invited.

Approx 80% of the previous thread said YABU.

Still no sign of DH's opinion on his kid's invite.

I really hope all of this goes over your DSC head.

@hawkehurstgang

Why’s it rude when mum has a history of suddenly not letting DD go and they loose out on money.

@hawkehurstgang

I can't believe you actually asked her to pay upfront. SO rude. Her reply was rude too, but no more so than your suggestion. Only person who misses out is the child, because parents can't get on like adults. So sad. (And yes, I read the other thread).

Maybe you should read the other thread.

"Why would I pay for a bigger room and hire car for no reason."

It's not for no reason. It's so your poor stepdaughter can have the chance to be involved in a family holiday and not feel like she's being pushed out of her family because of the immaturity of the adults in her life. Poor little girl.

@beastlyslumber

Would you pay thousands of pounds for your step children to go to Disney for 3 weeks, knowing full well that their mum is going to pull them out days before you’re meant to go?

I think it's wrong not to. Better to postpone the trip for a couple of years so the SC can have more say in whether she wants to come and her mum will feel more comfortable with her being away. It will be awful for her to miss out because of OP's selfishness. It isn't fair to take problems with exes/money out on children.

Well I think it’s awful for MY kids to miss out because of DSC selfish child like mother.

@hawkehurstgang

I can't believe you actually asked her to pay upfront. SO rude. Her reply was rude too, but no more so than your suggestion. Only person who misses out is the child, because parents can't get on like adults. So sad. (And yes, I read the other thread).

Clearly didn’t read the other thread

Maybe you should read my post WHICH YOU LITERALLY QUOTED so I don't understand how you missed the part where I clearly said I have read the other thread?

@Nayday

Oh good lord not this again.

OP you've known since post 1 you're not inviting DSC. The kid missed one holiday 3 years ago due to Christmas where you didn't lose money as it was a cottage type thing. This has been extrapolated into her DM will sabotage this holiday and many other imagined reasons why DSC can't possibly be invited.

Approx 80% of the previous thread said YABU.

Still no sign of DH's opinion on his kid's invite.

I really hope all of this goes over your DSC head.

DSC has been invited

Her mum has said no.

@hawkehurstgang

Maybe you should read my post WHICH YOU LITERALLY QUOTED so I don't understand how you missed the part where I clearly said I have read the other thread?

Then I don’t know why you are finding it to hard to understand why we wouldn’t ask for the money upfront.

@beastlyslumber

Would you pay thousands of pounds for your step children to go to Disney for 3 weeks, knowing full well that their mum is going to pull them out days before you’re meant to go?

I think it's wrong not to. Better to postpone the trip for a couple of years so the SC can have more say in whether she wants to come and her mum will feel more comfortable with her being away. It will be awful for her to miss out because of OP's selfishness. It isn't fair to take problems with exes/money out on children.

OP is paying for the trip entirely out of gifted money, and if she waits a couple of years the price will go up due to kids counting as adults. Honestly, I wouldn't do all that just so a generally reluctant child who doesn't like Disney or theme parks could go, and I wouldn't stand for being called selfish for not doing all that AND paying for my SC in the first place.

You may have “invited” her but with the pay is £1000s now or she isn’t coming threat then it wasn’t really an invite was it.

If you actually cared about her you would be behaving like adults and coming up with a plan to make it possible

@Nayday

Oh good lord not this again.

OP you've known since post 1 you're not inviting DSC. The kid missed one holiday 3 years ago due to Christmas where you didn't lose money as it was a cottage type thing. This has been extrapolated into her DM will sabotage this holiday and many other imagined reasons why DSC can't possibly be invited.

Approx 80% of the previous thread said YABU.

Still no sign of DH's opinion on his kid's invite.

I really hope all of this goes over your DSC head.

Also we wasted £150 on that holiday upgrading. We didn’t need a bigger place that time. That’s a waste of money.

My DH agrees with me.

@Sirzy OP states the mum Will be reimbursed upon arrival in Florida...

As usual some pp are intent at making you the fault. You did the absolute right thing. Let the ex and your dp sort this out. It is not your responsibility to pay for your DC. If your dsc is upset then that is entirely her mother's fault. let it be now.

@Sirzy

You may have “invited” her but with the pay is £1000s now or she isn’t coming threat then it wasn’t really an invite was it.

If you actually cared about her you would be behaving like adults and coming up with a plan to make it possible

I agree and if her mum would of replied in a appropriate manner then we could of come to a resolution.

We didn’t say pay now. As in right now. We said we need the money the day before we book it at the end of the month.

😴 i did read the other thread, I just happen to disagree with you. Is it impossible for you to believe that someone could disagree with you? I think it's hideous behaviour to pay thousands for a holiday and exclude your stepchild. It's disgusting. You can try and justify it and blame her，but you are choosing not to allow her to be included and now you have given her mum a ridiculously unreasonable offer which you must have known she wouldn't take so you can try to make it look like it was all her mums fault, but it's not. I wouldn't be surprised if your relationship with that poor child is permanently affected (or if not, i imagine it will impact the child and make her feel insecure and left out.) You and the mum are both equally to blame for not putting the child first. I'm noy saying the mum isn't unreasonable too. I'm just saying that this is NEVER the right decision - to exclude the child. I'd cancel the holiday altogether before leaving out my SC.

@Sirzy

To be fair if someone told me I had to pay like that I would have said no too!

Poor child

Same.

@hawkehurstgang

"Why would I pay for a bigger room and hire car for no reason."

It's not for no reason. It's so your poor stepdaughter can have the chance to be involved in a family holiday and not feel like she's being pushed out of her family because of the immaturity of the adults in her life. Poor little girl.

"Little girl"?

I could be wrong but from what I recall of OPs initial thread, the "little girl" in question is 14 years old.

I agree and if her mum would of replied in a appropriate manner then we could of come to a resolution

I don't think you asked in the right manor tbh.

What's your DH said? Surely he's trying everything to get his DC to be able to go?
Instead of 'oh mum said no so that's that'
It's a once in a life time holiday id be fighting for an agreement of some sort to allow it.

But the only appropriate manner for you wokld have been her paying you 1000s by the end of the month!

It’s the poor child who is going to miss out while you all play childish games

@hawkehurstgang so the OP is expected to lose thousands of pounds when the mum pulls her child from the trip like she has done previously? Sorry, but I think the OP is being fair and has stated the mum Will be reimbursed in full!

If anyone is BU here it's the mum as she has caused this predicament with her behaviour!

@beastlyslumber

Would you pay thousands of pounds for your step children to go to Disney for 3 weeks, knowing full well that their mum is going to pull them out days before you’re meant to go?

I think it's wrong not to. Better to postpone the trip for a couple of years so the SC can have more say in whether she wants to come and her mum will feel more comfortable with her being away. It will be awful for her to miss out because of OP's selfishness. It isn't fair to take problems with exes/money out on children.

Rubbish. Why should the other children miss out because of a spiteful ex? The SD is not missed out, she is going to Orlando with her mother for the second time at least, that is more than what the ops children have had. You have done the right thing Op.

These threads would have been alot better with voting enabled .

Bowing out OP, I don't agree with you but I wish you and your family well.

@Zari29 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻