Inviting SC to disneyworld - part 2.

[Ohanaa]

Update to my previous thread as I said I would update with the mothers reply.

Previous thread for anyone that’s missed it and reads this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4294452-To-not-invite-step-child-to-Disneyworld-next-year

We sent a message to dsc mum yesterday fully explaining the plan, rough dates and asking if DSC would like to come but we also explained that she would need to pay upfront and we would reimburse once we are there.

Her reply was...

I will not be giving you a fucking penny.

Another text was sent explaining she would
Be paid back in full but due to the past we won’t be paying the money upfront.

She replied with a simple ‘No’.

So SC won’t be coming and her mum can’t even talk about it like a grown up. It’s a shame even if I don’t think DSC would enjoy it that much.

I will get on with booking the holiday this week and she can enjoy her trip with her mum when she goes.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my previous thread.

@NursePotato I sincerely hope you're not a nurse with a disgusting attitude like that. You're slagging op but you've not covered yourself in glory with that comment. Truly truly vile.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro I’m hardly having a pop at the OP.

As I said, this isn’t my problem so I’m not the one who has to come up with solutions. But I wouldn’t have went about it how the OP did. I don’t think it’s fair and has been set up to ensure a no was the only outcome.

[quote Getyourarseofffthequattro]@NursePotato I sincerely hope you're not a nurse with a disgusting attitude like that. You're slagging op but you've not covered yourself in glory with that comment. Truly truly vile.[/quote]
I'm just a potato

[quote RaspberryRoyale88]@Getyourarseofffthequattro I’m hardly having a pop at the OP.

As I said, this isn’t my problem so I’m not the one who has to come up with solutions. But I wouldn’t have went about it how the OP did. I don’t think it’s fair and has been set up to ensure a no was the only outcome.[/quote]
Personally I don't think there was any way to ensure she could come. It's literally impossible.

Plenty of people have already suggested alternative ways it could have been handled.

They really haven't actually. In fact no one has come up with ANY solution that guards against the mum saying yes now and then no at a later date once it has been paid for.

It is a shame for DSD, I think we are unanimous in that. But nobody has suggested a practical solution that can guarantee the OP won't lose her money, and she isn't willing to risk that happening. This is perfectly reasonable stance given the costs involved and the fact that OP is using an inheritance to pay for the trip.

What the mother is being asked for is, essentially, a deposit. Pretty standard for a holiday, I'd say.

Everyone keeps referring to it being a deposit but a deposit isn't the entire cost of the trip. I get paid reasonably well as does my other half but if I was asked for £1000+ to have ready in two weeks time, I couldn't come up with it. And I'd be pissed off that her father had left me such a short period of time with an ultimatum. It is really unreasonable but helps achieve the outcome desired.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

They would move heaven and earth to not exclude her

How? Go on.....

Because as I said even if they booked and paid for her what happens when mum says no?

I think we'd all really like to hear your magical solution.

How? For a bloody start, giving the mother more time to come up with the money? Mentioning the holiday plans as soon as they could, so that everyone has time to decide and plan?

Speaking to SD to see how she feels, and whether she’d like to speak to her mum about going?

@kirinm

Everyone keeps referring to it being a deposit but a deposit isn't the entire cost of the trip. I get paid reasonably well as does my other half but if I was asked for £1000+ to have ready in two weeks time, I couldn't come up with it. And I'd be pissed off that her father had left me such a short period of time with an ultimatum. It is really unreasonable but helps achieve the outcome desired.

The outcome desired? Wtf?

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

The desired outcome of not having her DSD there.

The OP's first thread sounded quite normal to start with until she started suggesting her DSD would have a "pissy face" and effectively ruin it for everyone. And then suddenly it will be down to the mum to pay upfront (something the OP isn't actually doing herself) and she couldn't care less how she does that. Beg, steal or borrow for all she cares. In two weeks.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro you think the OP has been planning this holiday for all of a week or do you think she had time to mention it to the ex a while back so she had a bit of time to get things together. Nope, she gave her a really short timeframe in which to agree to pay a shitload of money, that the kid's own father won't contribute to.

He sounds like a twat of a father.

[quote kirinm]@Getyourarseofffthequattro

The desired outcome of not having her DSD there.

The OP's first thread sounded quite normal to start with until she started suggesting her DSD would have a "pissy face" and effectively ruin it for everyone. And then suddenly it will be down to the mum to pay upfront (something the OP isn't actually doing herself) and she couldn't care less how she does that. Beg, steal or borrow for all she cares. In two weeks.[/quote]
Frankly that's bullshit though isn't it? That's just what you have decided you think about her with n evidence to back it up.

[quote kirinm]@Getyourarseofffthequattro you think the OP has been planning this holiday for all of a week or do you think she had time to mention it to the ex a while back so she had a bit of time to get things together. Nope, she gave her a really short timeframe in which to agree to pay a shitload of money, that the kid's own father won't contribute to.

He sounds like a twat of a father.[/quote]
What makes you think the ex would have got it together? I mean really ... Go on....

Those are literally her own words.

Yes and none of them say she didn't want her there. That's all based on your assumptions.

It is based on her posts. Which got nastier and nastier.

You have no idea whether the mother would have got it together or not. But the point is, it isn't a fair way of presenting a holiday. If she'd have been given time, maybe a face-to-face conversation or a call rather than a shitty text message, perhaps the response would have been more reasonable.

Doesn't even sound like the DSD has been asked. And I note that OP won't actually confirm.

@kirinm

It is based on her posts. Which got nastier and nastier.

You have no idea whether the mother would have got it together or not. But the point is, it isn't a fair way of presenting a holiday. If she'd have been given time, maybe a face-to-face conversation or a call rather than a shitty text message, perhaps the response would have been more reasonable.

Doesn't even sound like the DSD has been asked. And I note that OP won't actually confirm.

None of us do all we can go on is what op says.

I get the impression you haven't had the misfortune to deal with a woman like this. I have. Op has already said face to face conversations aren't possible. I'd guess phone conversations are rare also, and usually don't go well.

You're looking at it like ops dealing with a normal human. She's not. It's not the same.

You're looking at it like ops dealing with a normal human. She's not. It's not the same.

Do you know her personally?

@kirinm

Everyone keeps referring to it being a deposit but a deposit isn't the entire cost of the trip. I get paid reasonably well as does my other half but if I was asked for £1000+ to have ready in two weeks time, I couldn't come up with it. And I'd be pissed off that her father had left me such a short period of time with an ultimatum. It is really unreasonable but helps achieve the outcome desired.

Exactly!

And I think it’s shit that the father is paying nothing. It’s his child too.
If they really wanted the SD there there wouldn’t have been such a small window, nor would it have been all or nothing by end of July.

@toocold54

You're looking at it like ops dealing with a normal human. She's not. It's not the same.

Do you know her personally?

No, I don't, but I can identify with what op has said about her because I have dealt with the same thing.

Yes op could have fabricated the whole thing, but there's no point even reading a thread if you're going to assume everything you're reading is false. You can only go on what the op says.

[quote Ohanaa]@Kolo if that makes you wince then you wouldn’t want to hear some of the abuse she has thrown at me, my OH over the years.[/quote]
I'm sure I wouldn't. But she hasn't posted on here asking for opinions. I'm sure you're lovely in real life, and wondering what you did to deserve this pile on. I just don't think you're doing yourself any favours, especially using such disdainful phrases about another woman. The mother of your DSC.

I'm sure I wouldn't. But she hasn't posted on here asking for opinions. I'm sure you're lovely in real life, and wondering what you did to deserve this pile on. I just don't think you're doing yourself any favours, especially using such disdainful phrases about another woman. The mother of your DSC.

Why is it so hard to understand that it is not unprovoked, and there's no real harm in expressing those feelings on neutral ground?

Oh so, are we not allowed to say any negative about the mother's of our step children then?

Ohanaa

@Kolo if that makes you wince then you wouldn’t want to hear some of the abuse she has thrown at me, my OH over the years.
......
I'd wonder why she was so bitter after all this time. Most divorced couples eventually reach an accommodation.

@Maggiesfarm

Ohanaa

@Kolo if that makes you wince then you wouldn’t want to hear some of the abuse she has thrown at me, my OH over the years.
......
I'd wonder why she was so bitter after all this time. Most divorced couples eventually reach an accommodation.

That isn't always the case.

Regardless of what's gone down with mum and the ex. That has nothing to do with SM. Nothing excuses what the mum has done to her child. It's just selfishness tbh.

I'd wonder why she was so bitter after all this time. Most divorced couples eventually reach an accommodation.

She isn't an ex wife or girlfriend. She was a casual one night stand.