Inviting SC to disneyworld - part 2.

[Ohanaa]

Update to my previous thread as I said I would update with the mothers reply.

Previous thread for anyone that’s missed it and reads this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4294452-To-not-invite-step-child-to-Disneyworld-next-year

We sent a message to dsc mum yesterday fully explaining the plan, rough dates and asking if DSC would like to come but we also explained that she would need to pay upfront and we would reimburse once we are there.

Her reply was...

I will not be giving you a fucking penny.

Another text was sent explaining she would
Be paid back in full but due to the past we won’t be paying the money upfront.

She replied with a simple ‘No’.

So SC won’t be coming and her mum can’t even talk about it like a grown up. It’s a shame even if I don’t think DSC would enjoy it that much.

I will get on with booking the holiday this week and she can enjoy her trip with her mum when she goes.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my previous thread.

She is not the ONLY woman who her husband had kids with though is she.

Nope.

@drovememad

"Not that I care but DSC was no more then a fuck when my husband was bored."

Exactly what you said OP, along with other posts being unkind about your DSC.

Jesus Christ. I corrected this multiple times.

OP you said what you said . Then tried to backtrack l

@DeRigueurMortis

So the mothers actions have consequences for her daughter? Nice.

I'm coming back to this because it's such an unhinged response.

The proposal is that however badly one parent behaves it's up to the other to "cover" it.

Put a plaster on a gaping wound.

This is exactly why toxic relationships/families thrive.

Let's all look the other way.

Keep the peace.

Shell out the money to keep someone happy.

It's a very dangerous mindset.

It's against every safeguarding principle.

It's not unhinged. Amongst the adults playing games there is a young teenager caught in the crossfire, that's who matters most in this scenario. It's not about 'covering' for the other, but she ultimately loses out, I don't think that's fair based on another adults actions personally, the irony of calling that the basis of a toxic family. Its toxic for his daughter to miss out because his ex plays games or whatever she does, if you think that's fair and she should cop the fall out from her mums behaviour then that's up to you.

Could she actually afford to pay upfront?

It's not unhinged. Amongst the adults playing games there is a young teenager caught in the crossfire, that's who matters most in this scenario. It's not about 'covering' for the other, but she ultimately loses out, I don't think that's fair based on another adults actions personally, the irony of calling that the basis of a toxic family. Its toxic for his daughter to miss out because his ex plays games or whatever she does, if you think that's fair and she should cop the fall out from her mums behaviour then that's up to you.

It's toxic to enable an unhealthy dynamic that a child thinks is normal to "be kind".

If you can't see that then that's up to you...

@FootballisgoingtoRome

OP you said what you said . Then tried to backtrack l

I literally posted in the same minute and missed out one word!

“Not that I care but DSC was no more then a fuck when my husband was bored."

Ooft, even if you meant to add 'mum' in there, it's still a pretty horrible thing to say and smacks of insecurity. I think you care very much that you weren't the first to procreate with him.

@FootballisgoingtoRome

She is not the ONLY woman who her husband had kids with though is she.

And? I don’t care about that. If I did I wouldn’t of had kids with him.

Im not his first for many things.... likewise for me. Who cares.

I can’t think of any single word which would make that acceptable!

@Ginger1982

“Not that I care but DSC was no more then a fuck when my husband was bored."

Ooft, even if you meant to add 'mum' in there, it's still a pretty horrible thing to say and smacks of insecurity. I think you care very much that you weren't the first to procreate with him.

It’s true. It’s also irrelevant.

I can assure you I have nothing to be insecure about.

@DeRigueurMortis

It's not unhinged. Amongst the adults playing games there is a young teenager caught in the crossfire, that's who matters most in this scenario. It's not about 'covering' for the other, but she ultimately loses out, I don't think that's fair based on another adults actions personally, the irony of calling that the basis of a toxic family. Its toxic for his daughter to miss out because his ex plays games or whatever she does, if you think that's fair and she should cop the fall out from her mums behaviour then that's up to you.

It's toxic to enable an unhealthy dynamic that a child thinks is normal to "be kind".

If you can't see that then that's up to you...

No thankfully I don't see that, and grateful for that. The only winners are the mum who will feel like she has won, and OP and her husband who don't have to bother taking his daughter along- the loser in it all is the DSD, not sure what sort of lesson that is teaching her.

Just read your other thread, and can see DSC is not wanted by you or her dad.

Saying she wasn't wanted but he had no choice
He did have a choice, he could have chosen not to have sex, or used contraception.

What an awful pair you and your husband are to speak so disgracefully of your DSC mother, and also of your dsc.

It's no wonder the child doest want to spend any time with either of you

@HalzTangz

Just read your other thread, and can see DSC is not wanted by you or her dad.

Saying she wasn't wanted but he had no choice
He did have a choice, he could have chosen not to have sex, or used contraception.

What an awful pair you and your husband are to speak so disgracefully of your DSC mother, and also of your dsc.

It's no wonder the child doest want to spend any time with either of you

Well you didn’t read it very well did you as I also posted he did use contraception. 😂😂

I read the other thread.

Only one holiday she pulled out.

But then mum probably read on here how her child wasn't wanted and she was just a boredom fuck. Let's hope he doest think the same about you should you split in the future.

Also, why are you asking mum for full payment, at most it should be 50%, your husband is responsible for the other 50%.

Did you even take into consideration the mother might not have that sort of money to pay up front. No, your too selfish to think of others, especially the DSC

Well you didn’t read it very well did you as I also posted he did use contraception.

Wow honestly I am lost for words!
It’s sad that you feel so threatened by a child and your DHs ex.

Read the OP posts on the last thread too.

Cookies47 I agree!

@Cookies47

You really are a horrible stepmother saying all these things about your stepchild and her mother online.

Absolutely disrespectful and disgusting.

Nah I think OP is well within her rights to do it tbh. I'm a mum and I would never do this to my child. If I had done a u turn last min and cancelled holidays last minute and my ex misses had to foot the bill - I would be so ashamed and foot the bill myself. If had I would absolutely be paying for my child to go and wait to be rembursed.

Frankly the mum has caused all this drama and is damaging her own blood. The ripping she's getting is well deserved.

Just because OPs a SM it doesn't mean she is a doormat or a atm machine.

I really think your projecting your issues and you need to work on that

She is horrible to the child and no matter what she says is jealous that DSD will always be her husbands first born . It is obvious for anyone to see .

It is so clear from both your threads that you dislike / are jealous of the child and can only imagine how she must feel around you. I am relieved she doesnt have to spend three weeks being treated second class by you.

Also of course your husband agrees with you, just reread how you respond to everyone here who doesnt agree? At least you know your husbands form in how he treats his kids should he ever move on.

@newomums one holiday the child cancelled three years ago when she was 10 .

Nah I think OP is well within her rights to do it tbh.

Perhaps RTFT