Inviting SC to disneyworld - part 2.

[Ohanaa]

Update to my previous thread as I said I would update with the mothers reply.

Previous thread for anyone that’s missed it and reads this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4294452-To-not-invite-step-child-to-Disneyworld-next-year

We sent a message to dsc mum yesterday fully explaining the plan, rough dates and asking if DSC would like to come but we also explained that she would need to pay upfront and we would reimburse once we are there.

Her reply was...

I will not be giving you a fucking penny.

Another text was sent explaining she would
Be paid back in full but due to the past we won’t be paying the money upfront.

She replied with a simple ‘No’.

So SC won’t be coming and her mum can’t even talk about it like a grown up. It’s a shame even if I don’t think DSC would enjoy it that much.

I will get on with booking the holiday this week and she can enjoy her trip with her mum when she goes.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to my previous thread.

There’s a clearly bitter club of first wives and those whose kids have stepmothers on this thread. The irrational reaching about the OP is rife.

@AllyBama

Your DSD isn’t trawling through MN but as it’s been pointed out, links to both threads are in the tabloids and Facebook. You really don’t give a shit do you, you’re absolutely loving all this attention. Absolute piece of work.

Yes and again, people receive targeted advertisement online. The chances of an article about parenting from a small local paper reaching a 14 year old girl are incredibly slim. Mum's groups, yes. Teenagers, no.

She's awful, you're awful, the poor kid is in the middle.

I completely agree.
None of them are coming out very well and the poor girl is just stick in the middle whilst they try and out do each other.

• The mum said she wouldn’t pay for the trip upfront and pulled the child out from the last trip as the girl really didn’t want to go.

• OP is saying how the girl was conceived because her dad was bored and just wanted a fuck (it was obviously more than that and OP can’t deal with her ex having feelings for someone else).
• And the dad who seems to have gotten off very lightly (isn’t that always the way) isn’t even willing to offer to pay for his own child to go as it’s OPs money they’re spending on the holiday. And he’s planning to go for 3 weeks without seeing his daughter.

Op would be happy to take her if she wasn't at risk of losing thousands
You clearly miss the posts about how she didn't want her to come because she wouldn't want to go on the rollercoasters, and would be a party pooper because of her constant moaning.

It's so obvious that she really doesn't want her SD to come, hence why she didn't even bother to discuss it with her in the first place. OP was just after ways to pin the guilt on mum and she has found one, except that it is so obvious, she won't be fooling the ex nor the SD.

@vivainsomnia

Op would be happy to take her if she wasn't at risk of losing thousands You clearly miss the posts about how she didn't want her to come because she wouldn't want to go on the rollercoasters, and would be a party pooper because of her constant moaning.

It's so obvious that she really doesn't want her SD to come, hence why she didn't even bother to discuss it with her in the first place. OP was just after ways to pin the guilt on mum and she has found one, except that it is so obvious, she won't be fooling the ex nor the SD.

I never said I didn’t want her to come I said she doesn’t like rides in general. We don’t all love theme parks.

I don’t need to fool anyone. She was offered to come but her mum has to put the money upfront due to past issues. Why should we be out of pocket if a change of mind happens. Her mum doesn’t want too and that’s up to her.

There really is nothing else to say.

You sound very ignorant about Disney - I am presuming you haven’t been. It’s an incredible holiday even for those who don’t like rollercoasters. There is so much to do.

You don’t want your SC a there, you only want your DC. You’re manipulating the situation so that you look like you offered, but the mother refused to let her come. That’s disingenuous because a)she may have no way of finding the money so fast b) why on earth would she trust you to pay her back when all you seem interested in is fighting and finger pointing?

If you cancel, how does she know you’ll pay her back.?

Your argument is centred around the fact that the mother wouldn’t CHANGE THE DATE of the grandmothers birthday , so SC couldn’t come on a trip that you’d paid for???????

You’re really reaching here, to make yourself sound reasonable.

@toocold54

She's awful, you're awful, the poor kid is in the middle.

I completely agree.
None of them are coming out very well and the poor girl is just stick in the middle whilst they try and out do each other.

• The mum said she wouldn’t pay for the trip upfront and pulled the child out from the last trip as the girl really didn’t want to go.

• OP is saying how the girl was conceived because her dad was bored and just wanted a fuck (it was obviously more than that and OP can’t deal with her ex having feelings for someone else).
• And the dad who seems to have gotten off very lightly (isn’t that always the way) isn’t even willing to offer to pay for his own child to go as it’s OPs money they’re spending on the holiday. And he’s planning to go for 3 weeks without seeing his daughter.

1) She pulled DSC from the last trip as the mum wanted to all of a sudden so something that week when we already had DSC coming with us so what you have wrote is wrong.

2. This is laughable and makes no sense as ‘OP can’t deal with her ex having feelings for someone else’ ... I haven’t spoke about any ex’s of mine but if you are wrong again and you mean my OH then I really don’t care who he slept with before me 😂 why would I? I’m hardly Virgin Mary.
3. No, OH doesn’t want to waste his money either. Why should he? It’s happened time and time again over the years. No one in this house hold wants to throw away money.

You may be happy with losing a couple of grand but others are not.

Yes since DSC won’t be coming and we will be away for 3 weeks then he won’t see her for that amount of time. It’s hardly rocket science. We are entitled to a holiday even if it’s 2-3 weeks... or are step families only allowed away for a night and If it doesn’t affect any weekends with DSC that’s not realistic and sometimes weekends need to be changed around. We will obviously offer to have DSC just before we go/ when we get back and for longer if she wants to make up for any missed contact time

You can paint me as some evil wicked stepmother but in reality it’s not like that.
We have tried to be nice for years to DSC mum even after my OH went to court but some people just can’t grow up and act like an adult and they want to make every situation as difficult as possible.

She’s been offered to all other holidays. She was offered to this one but with a condition to her mum because of past actions. The mum will not even discuss it... so we will be going on holiday as a 4 and we will have a nice time.

@BarleyMop

You sound very ignorant about Disney - I am presuming you haven’t been. It’s an incredible holiday even for those who don’t like rollercoasters. There is so much to do.

You don’t want your SC a there, you only want your DC. You’re manipulating the situation so that you look like you offered, but the mother refused to let her come. That’s disingenuous because a)she may have no way of finding the money so fast b) why on earth would she trust you to pay her back when all you seem interested in is fighting and finger pointing?

If you cancel, how does she know you’ll pay her back.?

Your argument is centred around the fact that the mother wouldn’t CHANGE THE DATE of the grandmothers birthday , so SC couldn’t come on a trip that you’d paid for???????

You’re really reaching here, to make yourself sound reasonable.

Another one that hasn’t read the thread properly.

Already said I haven’t been to Disney.

We would have a document drawn up via a solicitor in regards to paying her back if she was worried.

Again, you haven’t read the thread. It’s not centred around that one time and I won’t write it again because you think it’s over one time.

@Ileflottante

There’s a clearly bitter club of first wives and those whose kids have stepmothers on this thread. The irrational reaching about the OP is rife.

Most of it I find funny as it’s so far from the truth it’s laughable.

@Kolo if that makes you wince then you wouldn’t want to hear some of the abuse she has thrown at me, my OH over the years.

OP, you keep telling people that they haven't read the thread.
We. Have. Read. The. Thread.
It is quite clear that you don't really want your stepdaughter to go on this holiday and are trying to pin the blame on her mother.
That poor girl.

I never said I didn’t want her to come I said she doesn’t like rides in general
You said much more than that. You did say that you would find her moaning an issue and worried it would ruin your children's holiday.

Fwiw, I neither have stepchildren nor am a stepchild nor am a 'first wife.'

OP, what are you going to tell your step-daughter? (I'm assuming that she was invited but her mother said no?)

When you do, if there's another smaller surprise you can give her/do with her, that might go some way to assuaging her feelings. It would be a kind thing to do.

@RedRec

OP, you keep telling people that they haven't read the thread. We. Have. Read. The. Thread. It is quite clear that you don't really want your stepdaughter to go on this holiday and are trying to pin the blame on her mother. That poor girl.

It's really not the case at all, is it?

If op didn't want her to go she wouldn't have asked.

The blame doesn't need to be pinned on her mother, it is her fault. I don't know what is so hard to understand about that.

The reality is there was no way the sd could go on this holiday because her mum would not have it.

What part of that is ops fault?

Even if op had booked it and paid for it, the sd wouldn't be going, would she?

@RedRec

OP, you keep telling people that they haven't read the thread. We. Have. Read. The. Thread. It is quite clear that you don't really want your stepdaughter to go on this holiday and are trying to pin the blame on her mother. That poor girl.

No.You.Haven.t.Read.The.Thread. Or if you have read it your comprehension skills are poor.

It's quite clear that some people just want to give OP a kicking for some perverse reasons of their own.

The SD isn’t going because her Mum was asked to pay in full the entire cost of her DD’s trip to Disney before the end of July. I can understand the Mum saying he’ll no to that.

But the OP knew that would be the response. If they really wanted the SD there she wouldn’t have set up such a scenario where no was the guaranteed outcome. They would move heaven and earth to not exclude her. But they aren’t.

It’s very obvious to me, this was set up intentionally so they could get a “No” and then OP and her husband wouldn’t look like the bad guys. You can tell yourselves it’s the Mum’s fault and whilst she’s not perfect, OP and her husband are playing games to leave a kid out of a family holiday. The Mum could be a right bitch, but the kid is a pawn in this. If every adult wanted what was best for the child then it wouldn’t have played out this way.

I can’t believe no one asked the SD her views on it, she’s not a toddler.

I’ve been to DisneyWorld several times. As a child I hated rollercoasters but I loved Disney. And as a kid who was left out of holidays once my Dad met a new woman, it really hurts.

*hell no

They would move heaven and earth to not exclude her

How? Go on.....

Because as I said even if they booked and paid for her what happens when mum says no?

I think we'd all really like to hear your magical solution.

If you didn't speak with so much glee, it probably wouldn't sound so bad. But you really do. Poor kid.

@RaspberryRoyale88

The SD isn’t going because her Mum was asked to pay in full the entire cost of her DD’s trip to Disney before the end of July. I can understand the Mum saying he’ll no to that.

But the OP knew that would be the response. If they really wanted the SD there she wouldn’t have set up such a scenario where no was the guaranteed outcome. They would move heaven and earth to not exclude her. But they aren’t.

It’s very obvious to me, this was set up intentionally so they could get a “No” and then OP and her husband wouldn’t look like the bad guys. You can tell yourselves it’s the Mum’s fault and whilst she’s not perfect, OP and her husband are playing games to leave a kid out of a family holiday. The Mum could be a right bitch, but the kid is a pawn in this. If every adult wanted what was best for the child then it wouldn’t have played out this way.

I can’t believe no one asked the SD her views on it, she’s not a toddler.

I’ve been to DisneyWorld several times. As a child I hated rollercoasters but I loved Disney. And as a kid who was left out of holidays once my Dad met a new woman, it really hurts.

Agree. This set up was never going to work and OP knew that. And was pretty pleased that they'd managed justify not taking DSD whilst being able to blame the ex. Lovely.

It’s not down to me to provide a magical solution. Plenty of people have already suggested alternative ways it could have been handled. I just don’t think sending a text basically saying we need the full amount by end of July is a good way to ensure the SD can go on the trip.
OP knew the Mum would say no but it doesn’t sound like on this occasion there was any effort to give her something she couldn’t say no to. I don’t think “Give us her holiday cost” was going to go over well. Many people here said they wouldn’t pay up.

I understand why the OP wants some kind of deposit considering the history but I think she knew fine well what would happen and what the response would be.

@toocold54

She's awful, you're awful, the poor kid is in the middle.

I completely agree.
None of them are coming out very well and the poor girl is just stick in the middle whilst they try and out do each other.

• The mum said she wouldn’t pay for the trip upfront and pulled the child out from the last trip as the girl really didn’t want to go.

• OP is saying how the girl was conceived because her dad was bored and just wanted a fuck (it was obviously more than that and OP can’t deal with her ex having feelings for someone else).
• And the dad who seems to have gotten off very lightly (isn’t that always the way) isn’t even willing to offer to pay for his own child to go as it’s OPs money they’re spending on the holiday. And he’s planning to go for 3 weeks without seeing his daughter.

If the poor kid's own father can't afford to pay for her, why is the mum supposed to just stump up £££ in a matter of days?

@RaspberryRoyale88

It’s not down to me to provide a magical solution. Plenty of people have already suggested alternative ways it could have been handled. I just don’t think sending a text basically saying we need the full amount by end of July is a good way to ensure the SD can go on the trip. OP knew the Mum would say no but it doesn’t sound like on this occasion there was any effort to give her something she couldn’t say no to. I don’t think “Give us her holiday cost” was going to go over well. Many people here said they wouldn’t pay up.

I understand why the OP wants some kind of deposit considering the history but I think she knew fine well what would happen and what the response would be.

None that would work if mum says no tho eh?

You have no better suggestions but think it absolutely fine to have a pop at op. Hmm.