I don't like when my Step Children are home...

[Amanda87]

Sorry, but I really feel so much better and happier when it's just DH and me!
I miss the quiet, I miss the adult time and most of all, I hate hearing all the time: Mom did this... Mom said that... Mom bought this...
Uuuuuuuuuuugh!

I know I'll be thrown many rocks at in here, but just wanted to vent and I know many people feel like me.
I would do anything when they're here, from cooking to entertainment, but I like it better when I'm disengaged and leave their dad with them.
I even rather come to work when they're home because I feel better outside.
Now, I'm not horrible or a monster like I know I'll be labeled as. I just feel like nobody will every be ready and 10000% ok with being a step parent to children that aren't theirs...
Well...

There is "all"

You have children, you deal with it all. You want to be with someone but don't want their kids, well you can't have your cake and eat it.

All includes everything though. Such as being expected to provide childcare when you don’t want to. Or deal with a horrid ex. Or not be allowed to have quality time with your own children. Those are three examples but there are many many more.

Stay away from potential partners who already have children.
Luckily for me, I wouldn’t dream of setting up a life with a man with children. I’ve been there done that and never again.

Better to stay away from potential partners if they already have kids unless you're sure you can deal with it all.*

It's probably better for first wives to stay away from procreating with men unless they're sure they will stay together as parents, otherwise they're just complicit in creating broken homes for these poor children.

This board is a support board. If you are here to goad and criticize, then you'd be more usefully employed helping boris to build his bridge instead.

😂👏🏻

All includes everything though. Such as being expected to provide childcare when you don’t want to. Or deal with a horrid ex. Or not be allowed to have quality time with your own children. Those are three examples but there are many many more.

The only one of these I disagree with is providing childcare. It shouldn't be an expectation and if your DP/DH expects it.... you have a DP/DH issue.

You have children, you deal with it all. You want to be with someone but don't want their kids, well you can't have your cake and eat it
Yes, if you have children you deal with “all” because you are their parent and it is your moral and legal responsibility.
If you have step children your only obligation is to be nice to them when it’s their contact time with their father.
That’s it.

Firstly: This is a forum for STEP parents, not parents, so any parent posting on here to promote an agenda of 'stepparents are in the wrong/parents are always right/first wives & families take precedent/dads who are nrps are all useless' shouldn't be. Go find or make your own forum for your grievances - don't bring them here.
Secondly: This is a space for stepparents to come for support/to vent. They don't come here to be told they're right or wrong - they come here to hear how others in the same situation tackled certain issues & challenges. So again, if you have no experience of step parenting you should not be on here promoting your own negative agenda, & if you have had your own negative experience as a child with stepparents or if your dc have had negative step parenting experiences and you wish to help by offering another viewpoint, do so, but do it without trolling to, again, promote your own agenda!
Thirdly: There are many positive step parenting/blended families/current partners & exspouses getting on, stories out there. We don't get them on here because surprise, surprise, this is a forum for SUPPORT; a forum for people STRUGGLING. And yet time and time again every.single.thread. gets hijacked by the Righteous First Family Brigade who lie in wait ready to pounce, branding all the sms on here awful because they dare to have genuine & distressing issues with their situation.
Fourthly: When someone is being visibly unreasonable or there presents an obviously bad situation (think the woman with the sdc sleeping on the landing) the FIRST people to call it out is other sms. The sms on here are rational, thoughtful women who will ALWAYS call out unreasonable treatment of children - they don't need the RFFB (righteous first family brigade) to police this forum 'correcting' everyone & every post, they can monitor this, THEIR forum perfectly fine by themselves.
So all you struggling 'First' wives who hang around on here dissing on stepparents - how about you go set up that forum so you can all air your own grievances re exes/their new partners, & then lets have all the sms from here jump on your threads to tell you YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO as EVERYONE knows X amount of marriages end up in divorce! They can also minimise your distress, call you names, tell you your dc don't matter, derail topics that are very important to you etc. etc. & see how you like that?

What do you mean by support? i was indeed supporting OP by pointing out the fact that societal reaction will not be the same as her on this thread as there is an echo chamber here of a certain group who posts to every thread the same advice of disengaging, and negative comments about how no-one cares about SMs anyway. I simply do not believe this is good advice, and i think i am entitled to this opinion am i not? Further, telling the truth about society is important, because the OP is being misled here thinking that others in the real world will also generally say it is ok not want having SC around.

If the OP says that she does not want SC around for no reason, and that she wants to have children of her own, this contradiction leads to the conclusion that the OP simply does not want her own SC, not children in general. The societal reaction to that will be one of judgement, be it right or wrong.

I am also generally pointing out that this particular group of SM’s approach does not help, because this group are not considering anyone else's views unless it is their view. Happy SMs giving contrary advice are branded as just lucky and dismissed. Others who are not SMs are trolls in their opinion and should not be on this thread. This set of posters are so defensive that they reported a post which had no offensive words, but presented just a different opinion. They will no doubt to the same with this one. Please don’t report it as you will be doing a disservice to the OP.

@Magda72
The Lone Parents board would be a good place for that experiment. I read the threads on there sometimes for perspective on the other side of my situation but i don’t comment because 😱😱😱 I’m not a lone parent and it’s not my space.

@Magda72

I have no words other than bloody well said!!!

👏🏻

@Magda72 - sorry but is this a forum closed to anyone who is not an SM? Or to anyone who is not agreeing with your views? i am not a first wife by the way. Nor an SC. Have no hidden agenda.

So all you struggling 'First' wives who hang around on here dissing on stepparents - how about you go set up that forum so you can all air your own grievances re exes/their new partners, & then lets have all the sms from here jump on your threads to tell you YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO as EVERYONE knows X amount of marriages end up in divorce!

Exactly my point. I'm sure these comments would go down really well on that forum!!

Imagine telling them they shouldn’t have had their children.

@dontdisturbmenow

yes because again all you ever do is tell us how it cant possible be the ex's fault - and guess what! sometimes it is I've never said that!

It's pretty much all you ever say.

[quote Finelinehere]@Magda72 - sorry but is this a forum closed to anyone who is not an SM? Or to anyone who is not agreeing with your views? i am not a first wife by the way. Nor an SC. Have no hidden agenda.[/quote]
It's not closed to non step parents but the way some posters react to step parents is like if I go to the dog house section and post how much I hate dogs and they should have known what they were getting into before they got a dog. I'd never get a dog. Etc

What does anyone think about the children’s mother’s who have been ‘dumped’ by the ‘fathers’? Are they supposed to stay single forever so as not to burden another bloke with their kids? I’m sorry, but the amount of self-pitying step mums on here is crazy.

@Finelinehere

What do you mean by support? i was indeed supporting OP by pointing out the fact that societal reaction will not be the same as her on this thread as there is an echo chamber here of a certain group who posts to every thread the same advice of disengaging, and negative comments about how no-one cares about SMs anyway. I simply do not believe this is good advice, and i think i am entitled to this opinion am i not? Further, telling the truth about society is important, because the OP is being misled here thinking that others in the real world will also generally say it is ok not want having SC around.

If the OP says that she does not want SC around for no reason, and that she wants to have children of her own, this contradiction leads to the conclusion that the OP simply does not want her own SC, not children in general. The societal reaction to that will be one of judgement, be it right or wrong.

I am also generally pointing out that this particular group of SM’s approach does not help, because this group are not considering anyone else's views unless it is their view. Happy SMs giving contrary advice are branded as just lucky and dismissed. Others who are not SMs are trolls in their opinion and should not be on this thread. This set of posters are so defensive that they reported a post which had no offensive words, but presented just a different opinion. They will no doubt to the same with this one. Please don’t report it as you will be doing a disservice to the OP.

Your post got deleted because it was offensive. Mn don't delete posts because people don't like them.

@SheBen

What does anyone think about the children’s mother’s who have been ‘dumped’ by the ‘fathers’? Are they supposed to stay single forever so as not to burden another bloke with their kids? I’m sorry, but the amount of self-pitying step mums on here is crazy.

What does that even mean?

@TrustTheGeneGenie no it wasnt.

@SheBen

What does anyone think about the children’s mother’s who have been ‘dumped’ by the ‘fathers’? Are they supposed to stay single forever so as not to burden another bloke with their kids? I’m sorry, but the amount of self-pitying step mums on here is crazy.

No my SC's mother is perfectly allowed to move on and find someone else. I don't think anyone has said they aren't?

[quote Finelinehere]@TrustTheGeneGenie no it wasnt.[/quote]
It obviously was if it got deleted. Why don't you ask MN why it was deleted?

What I ‘mean’ is: what would the replies be if a step father came on here saying that he was sick of the kids 12 days out of 14 and expecting sympathy?

I'm really conflicted with this. I understand the OP wanting time with just her and her DH, we all feel like that sometimes. It's not unreasonable. However, I do wonder about people (male and female in the spirit of fairness) who get involved with people with kids and then complain it disrupts their lives. I've seen it happen so much and in my own situation unfortunately.

@SheBen

What does anyone think about the children’s mother’s who have been ‘dumped’ by the ‘fathers’? Are they supposed to stay single forever so as not to burden another bloke with their kids? I’m sorry, but the amount of self-pitying step mums on here is crazy.

Eh?

@SheBen

What I ‘mean’ is: what would the replies be if a step father came on here saying that he was sick of the kids 12 days out of 14 and expecting sympathy?

For me it would depend entirely on the context of the post and what the issues were, as with my responses to all posts on here. No different just because he's a man/ step father. My partner is a step father and I'm aware he finds some of dynamics bloody hard at times, so I'd have some empathy.