Childcare impacting my plans

[mummycanihaveadrink]

To keep it brief we (I) have my SD for the summer holidays, and I'm getting pretty sick of it. I've been invited on various things which I can't do because I have to look after her during the day. My DH is home in the evenings, to me it seems pointless for her to come. I had pencilled in a date to go away with friends for a few day's, this now can't go ahead as SD is not going home on the previously arranged day, now a week later. I'm just sick of it. It's tricky as my DH can't take the time off or we will have no income as he is SE but I feel contact arrangements should not impact my life. I feel like saying I won't have her in the next half term but that then means we won't see her until Xmas. Not sure the point of writing this just a rant really.

Also on a separate note, I have name changed for this post but is it possible to get my old username back after? Thanks

Not sure why you agreed to this tbh. I’m both a SM and my DC have a SM. I wouldn’t expect DH to arrange for his DC to be here in his absence (obviously I’ll do a day out or 2 if SDC are here for a week and he has to work) and I’d be unimpressed if ExH wasn’t present the majority of time when DC are with him- if he wasn’t tbh I’d expect them to be with his parents not his GF but this may be as they don’t have kids so do some things a bit differently.

Do you work at all?

You’re not being unreasonable - I mean maybe with Covid it’s trickier, but he needs to book his child into a playscheme or childminder or whatnot
You’re not on tap childcare for his kid.

However it’s important to add, he needs to sort this. And that sending dc back to mums or not having them until Christmas isn’t an option either. He needs to step up and be a proper parent

I have a very small business of my own so work from home a few hours of the day mainly at night. Yes with COVID this year it's been tricky as no holiday clubs etc but I feel like I shouldn't be having to cancel plans of my own. I have childcare arrangements in place for my kids with various family members so I was really looking forward to my arrangements

Very unfair, I wouldn’t be changing my plans or cancelling a day out with friends to provide a baby sitting service for my partner! Does the mother know that the child spends the majority of the contact time with you not her father?

Does your DH only see his child during school holidays?

@Brieminewine yes but her mum can't wait to hand her off to us so doesn't have an issue with it

@Soontobe60 yes only holidays due to distance and working arrangement

How old is she? How long is it for?

How would he have coped if you weren't there? He should be planning on looking after her as if you weren't there even if that means saving up first and not working so he can be with her.

9 and it's for 5 weeks out of the 6 but it works out like 3 weeks then a break in the middle and then another 2

Sorry meant to say a 1 week break in the middle. To be fair to him I know it's really hard this year to get arrangements in place with COVID and a lot of stuff near us is not back open such as sport holiday clubs and we need the money but it's just a bit shit

If your dh is working to keep a roof over your head and you cannot manage without his salary then I think you do need to help out. otherwise could you get a job, earn more that would allow him to take time off with his child?

Your own kids or your kids with DH?

I guess it depends on that, and who provides the household income. You say you only work a few hours at night. So is his income funding the bulk of the household and is everyone in the household his financial responsibility?

Politely and lovingly place her in an Uber and send her back to her dm's. She is an absolute piss taker.

I have my own small business but over the year due to busy times bring in enough to pay just under half the bills. If I got a job we would then have to pay out for my 2 year old childcare which would mean we aren't any better off as sadly I would love to go back to working outside of the house

@excelledyourself 2 shared children and cross posted with you

can you not take the 9 year old with you?thry are usually very user friendly just throw food drink and a handheld console and your good to go

You don’t have to agree to it and you don’t have to change your plans. You’re enabling him to claim time with his DD when he’s not actually there.

Does she want to be with you all day during the week instead of with her mum or dad?

I’ve offered to have one or both of my DSC so DH can have time with them each alone or when he’s had to work or wants to go out of an evening. The day it’s assumed is the day that stops.

@slipperywhensparticus sorry but no I don't want to take my SD away on for a few nights with my friends. It would completely change the dynamics

For all that's been said on here I can see that I need to be a bit more forceful at saying no maybe. It's not my fault if we can't commit to all of the holidays

He needs to take time off. What would he do if he was single?

@mummycanihaveadrink

For all that's been said on here I can see that I need to be a bit more forceful at saying no maybe. It's not my fault if we can't commit to all of the holidays

It’s not about you as a “we” committing to the holidays - it’s about your husband committing to be a dad. If he’s only having school holiday contact, then he’s not seeing his DC much at all. He needs to find appropriate childcare for his kid. (The cost of which will come out of his finances, which will impact you if they’re shared.)

That doesn’t mean you have to look after them. But it would be unreasonable to stop having DSC because your husband won’t parent the child he only sees every six to eight weeks.

Whilst it is DHs issue to sort, can your SD not go with your children whilst you are away. I am assuming they are going to family and SD is family??