Is anyone happier with no contact?

[Oggden1]

Dp exw stopped contact due to her dp shielding. Which is what it is.
I realised the other day it's been 6 weeks, and other than the overwhelming lockdown stuff around childcare its been easier. Dp and me work as a team better with our toddler, I've been jingling work ft studying and no childcare and it's worked. Dp even said we row less... Which is true.
There mess but less mess than normal and the washing done and everything seems to work better and no exw drama.
Were still facetimeing every other day and we've sned Easter eggs and planted sunflowers n stuff like that for them with ds. Which has been nice.
I know it's smmeems wrong but having family time just 3 of us and not all the other drama is relaxing.
Dp misses them obviously but ds is too young really and hasn't noticed. I've been able to study in the evenings when ds is asleep rather than surrounded by noise.
I know 1 will always be easier than 4 but I'm slightly dreading the chaos returning (we have them 40% normally) . I hope I'm not alone and not a monster.

Are you sure you're not my dcs step parent?
She clearly dislikes the disruption my dc bring to her cosy life with my ex and their own child.
It's ok they can't stand her but hide it so very well because they love their Dad and sibling. She'd never know.

No we're generally fine, there lively kids. It's just nice to get some space to think as it's full on from 5 am every day.
Madd me realise tbh how different life must be for people who don't have a blended family when they have their first child. Envious really of the quiet time.
They never have not been here so it's wierd as it's the longest we've not seen them but it's very relaxing.. I supossed anyone would say that going from. 4 to 1?
My mom said it was nice when some. Of us left home as she got a rest.
Dp is less stressed as less chaotic but he misses them, as he should.

But you don't miss them? That's sad to here but undoubtedly how my own dcs step mum feels.
I'm so very thankful that dh loves his stepchildren like they are his own and positively loves the noise & chaos that they have inflicted on his previously quiet & chilled life.
He would miss them so so much if they were away for more than a few days.

*hear

If your dp’s ex-wife has been looking after their 3 kids 100% of the time for the last 6 weeks i’m sure she will be glad of a break when this is all over. Maybe you could have them 100% of the time for the 6 weeks after that? May make you appreciate how hard work it is.

Of course it’s easier, there’s less people to look after.

In your partners situation, I’d be miserable and not feeling relaxed at all. I imagine he feels the same about his other children as he does about his child with you. I wouldn’t tell him you feel happier without his children if I were you. His kids must miss him terribly as well, presuming he’s a good dad.

You may be the ex wife one day.

@EveryLifeHasASoundtrack absolutely! One of the many things I love about dh is how much he adores my dc, he's been in their lives for a decade and 100% treats them as his own.
Op, in your dhs shoes I'd feel very differently about you if you told me you were loving life without his dc! So thoughtless and selfish!

Cloverforever- I don't understand your point? She chose to have them as many parnets have and totally understand why. It defo was not dp or my choice. I wasn't happy with the decision as I know it would upset dp but they did it for the best for the kids and to shield her dp.
We normally have them regularly and I assume are going to over the normal 6 week holiday. Provided all of this madness goes away in some form.
It's not meant nastily at all. It's just very nice to have some space and time for once and unusual.
Its nice to not have contnat noise nad gaming and washing and tantrums and arguing with his exw over random contact based stuff. Just relaxing.
They will come back as normal hopefully once the shielding is stopped as dp misses them very much.

Why would have told him? Hes said its more rleaxubg and less stressful too but I haven't said a word. His just commented that we arnt arguing as much, prob true as I'm more relaxed.
Im not bothered about being the ex one day if that occurs. Dp is a great dad in many ways and ds is lucky to have nicesiblings.

Op, let's just hope you're not the ex wife one day. Let's face it, isn't the divorce rate almost 50% of marriages now? It's even higher for 2nd marriages!

I wonder how you'd feel sending your children somewhere, potentially for 50% of the week, where they weren't particularly wanted by your dhs new partner?
Believe me it's heartbreaking!

But there not unwanted? There not here to see me there here to see dp and their sibling.
They are cared for fed, clothed and homework done and all the normal stuff. It's it about not caring its about realising how much less tiring it is/less stressful. Dp and his exw haven't helped with their behaviour and bonding but that's a step issue. Its a shame but I wish nothing but the best for them they are very nice children and a credit to their parents.
I'm s ure parnets of large families feel the same sometimes the difference is all the kids of theirs.
I sometimes yearn for pre child days, dosnt mean I would replace my ds as I adore him. Just sometimes a night off is lovely and tbh after lockdown a night away is a dream!

OP you are never going to get any support as a stepmum on MN. They hate us on here and you will never win not matter what - if you'd said you were missing them like crazy and hated being apart you would be accused of being overbearing and told to get back in your box!

Muree - sadly probably true.
We doing a sun flower growing competition on facetime which is nice as ds planted them and decorated the pots for something to do. We have tape measures!
It's just the daily grind. Tbhi suspect it might be drawing attention to the fact that I do most of the wahing/sorting/cooking so am noticing the difference.
Thanks for being nice!

Maybe I'm just very very lucky with dh but unlike your dh, I just couldn't settle for someone who viewed my dc as 'very nice'
You sound like you're describing a nice cake you've just eaten
You sound cold and like you just go through the motions of parenting, which is why I have jumped on your post, it's so so similar to what my own dc have tolerated for years.
They are masters at hiding it but they cannot stand their step mum and now they are both adults they choose not to see their dad because of her. She has no idea how they feel, they learnt from a young age to sit and say nothing while she cooed over their siblings and went through the motions of parenting with them.

@Murree believe me I far from hate step mums. My best friend is one, she is amazing, loving, supportive, just wonderful.

I dislike any shit parent, regardless of who they are in relation to the child.

suspect it might be drawing attention to the fact that I do most of the wahing/sorting/cooking so am noticing the difference.

Then you have a husband issue. Maybe not such a great dad after all then if he’s not meeting their basic needs.

I dislike any shit parent, regardless of who they are in relation to the child.

Yep.

But I am not their parent, as pointed out on here and elsewhere . They have two parnets who are very involved in their lives.
So it would be wrong of me to be a parent as such as they don't need that they have parnets.
It is what it is.

That’s a really sad post. My children have not seen their father since start of lockdown as his DP is shielded (so I’m told). I just hope she isn’t feeling like you do. She knew that he had kids when she met him. They also have a toddler.

I don't coo over my child. He's lovely but a sodding nightmare of a toddler so times. I pay for dsc swimming lessons and our holidays which they all come on.
Don't assume liking a rest and some space for a change, means a cold bad person who does nothing as a family. They arnt mutually exclusive facts
Some projecting there I think.

Coffee and beans - your ex dp is like my dp ex then as her partner is the one shielding for health reasons. Which is totally valid at the moment, as sad as it is for dp.

Get you husband to step up and there might not be such a contrast between his kids being with you or not. I think this is a deliberately goady thread.

Not projecting at all.
Just very good at spotting a certain kind of 'step parent'
Your original post was very much about you loving your time without your stepchildren around. Just look at your threads title!

@Coffeeandbeans please don't worry just because of what you've read here. If my dh & I were separated from the dc for lockdown, he would be missing them desperately. You really wouldn't know if you watched our family who is the step parent and who isn't!
Honestly, there are some great step parents out there, I see it all the time in my job.

Not really just its a wierd feeling.
But yes agreed and that is a good approach ref stepping up.
Hopefully everything wil go back to normal soon for the kids and dps sake.

Thread title is true, I am happier as I can rest and do some self care which has been lacking. But I think maybe that is more about self care eg making some time regardless of the cirs as that might make it more fun time as a unit and less staying on top of the crap panic.