Is anyone happier with no contact?

[Oggden1]

Dp exw stopped contact due to her dp shielding. Which is what it is.
I realised the other day it's been 6 weeks, and other than the overwhelming lockdown stuff around childcare its been easier. Dp and me work as a team better with our toddler, I've been jingling work ft studying and no childcare and it's worked. Dp even said we row less... Which is true.
There mess but less mess than normal and the washing done and everything seems to work better and no exw drama.
Were still facetimeing every other day and we've sned Easter eggs and planted sunflowers n stuff like that for them with ds. Which has been nice.
I know it's smmeems wrong but having family time just 3 of us and not all the other drama is relaxing.
Dp misses them obviously but ds is too young really and hasn't noticed. I've been able to study in the evenings when ds is asleep rather than surrounded by noise.
I know 1 will always be easier than 4 but I'm slightly dreading the chaos returning (we have them 40% normally) . I hope I'm not alone and not a monster.

My house would be a lot quieter without my children, I would be a lot less stressed and have oodles more free time to relax and study/work/exercise/whatever.

But they’re my kids- I don’t just send them somewhere else’s because my life would be easier without them. Your husband has 4 children- his life is going to be loud and busy. That’s the life he made for himself. If you prefer not to experience that then you need to make a decision to leave.

Oh for fucks sake this thread is ridiculous.
It’s too much to expect an step parent to love and adore your children like you do - it just is. If the step parent is kind, cares for their well-being and supports their relationship with their parent, why can’t that be enough?
OP - I get you. Maybe I’m slightly different but I’d actually rather DSD lived with us full time and having her here was just normal, rather than the ex drama and associated issues with clashing parenting styles, sudden increase in work and mess etc. I can understand why you’re enjoying a bit of space from all that.
From some of these replies you’d think you’d said you never want the DSC to darken your door again

OP I totally agree with you and I feel exactly the same. It doesn’t make you a bad person. There’s certain people in my own family that I’m not particularly missing so why should I feel any different about people who aren’t in my family, irrespective of how they are related to my partner.

Hey op-
I get what you're saying. I'm a step mum, we're doing a week each at the moment and I have 1 step son (10) and 2 kids (6&1) at home.
He's going through a 'I think I'm an adult' phase so has a MAJOR attitude at the moment. So the week he isn't here is definitely a lot more peaceful, and is much longer than we normally ever get without him (3/4days alternate)

Also- I admit I have in the past gotten jealous of people having their first baby together just them. It's only natural. I wouldn't change my husband or my stepson for the world, but it's human to think about these things. It doesn't make you a bad person (despite what some may think)

Op I get what you mean. I’ve just had DSS’s here for a month. The house is so much more chilled out and DH and I are getting on better since they went. My DH has even commented! Doesn’t mean I don’t want them here or resent them being here, it’s just a fact. It’s a strange set up having kids on and off and you actually get a break from them which shows you what life is like without them. Something which parents who are still together don’t get.

God I think the mums on here need to simmer... if us step mum decided we were going to be the most hands on Involved step mums they would all complain about over stepping!

We can't win at times. For what's it's worth OP I too am loving time with just my own little family for a change, alot of toddler focused activities not worrying about anyone else for a change is lovely. Its not our fault this virus has made this situation you have the right to enjoy the bits you can:)

You’re not in the wrong for enjoying the peace and quiet.

Yep, I’m in exactly same position as you OP (one toddler, 3 stepkids, no contact for over 6 weeks) and it’s been fucking blissful!

just my own little family

🤮 fucking hell.

no exw drama

THIS is what you’re noticing

I know EXACTLY what you mean. Every pick up, collection has to be altered to inconvenience or stress us.

No games, no drama.

On the other side of this, promise yourselves that you WONT allow her drama back in.

The kids will be fine. You will all be fine when things are normal

Another one here in agreement with you OP.

Absolutely zero drama, change in last minute plans/demands.

Enjoy it while it lasts and then enjoy them when normal service resumes.

Haha I couldn't help but laugh reading your OP. It's a totally natural way to feel that shouldn't really even need articulating, but you could just tell there would be a certain group of posters falling over themselves to think of the most colourful insult for you.

Just enjoy your break. If you don't like ex wife drama, MN probably isn't the place to go!

Think about yourself why don't you! Poor kids.

I don't really understand the hate you're getting on here. Of course you find it less stressful and more relaxing. There's less of you about.

If a PP really believes that most step parents love their step kids like their own and 'positively love the chaos and noise' they are deluded.

Most people would find life less stressful in these circumstances, perhaps they just wouldn't admit it to you as you clearly have very high expectations of someone who isn't your child's parent and how they should feel about your child.

Don't feel guilty OP. So long as you're kind and welcoming, and treat your DSC well when they are with you, there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying time just the 3 of you when they aren't there through no fault of your own.

You'd think people would have you sitting in a dark, quiet room, crying for 6 weeks because your DSC aren't around. You are allowed to enjoy free time FFS.

Think about yourself why don't you!

Yeah it's weird isn't it. Anyone would think OP was an actual human being who had feelings and was allowed to think of herself from time to time in the privacy of her own thoughts. Bizarre.

I think people are offended because you’re not sat there missing your partner’s children.

I think this is the perfect time to spend lots of quality time with your ds without them around, even if it is just at home. It will be good for him.

Think about yourself why don't you!

What do you want her to think just out of interest?

I don't get the point of your thread. Of course life us going to be easier with less children around.

Wouldn't life be more relaxing if you toddler went to your parents for 6 week too? Would you post on aibu about it?

The issue is your title, the fact that you are happier when they are not there and that it would suit you fine if they never came back. What's the point in reflecting on what can't happen?

I'm loving the anti step mum rally on here, it never fails to disappoint me

I'm feeling the same as you OP. I don't have any children of my own, I love my step children to bits but my god they are hard work sometimes.

I'm still working and have been at home for weeks now. Husband is a key worker so still working. If they were here I'd not see them until midday, then get 4 rounds of "what can I eat? How do I cook that?" Their mum waits on them hand and foot so they can't even boil an egg. I'm on video calls all day so space is limited and they're VERY LOUD.

We're FaceTiming all the time and visiting for chats through the window but I'm secretly loving the peace and quiet. Especially on the few weekends when husband is working and it's just me and the dog in the house. That never happens

it would suit you fine if they never came back

Has OP said that? Can you show me where please?

The problem is people expecting step parents to feel as intensely about their children as they do.

Look, your kids just aren't the centre of the world to everyone and that's okay, it's not an insult.

I probably wouldn't hugely miss my step kids if I didn't see them for a few weeks. I would declare that to DH or the kids but I can't force myself to feel something internally that isn't there. I don't love them like my own either. I love them, they are funny and kind children who I have a good relationship with but no, I do not love them the same as my DC not would I miss them the same. That's just human nature I'm afraid, trying to force it to my otherwise isn't going to get you anywhere.

Does that mean I'm horrible to them and treat them like shit? No. I'm actually very very good to them and if you knew me in real life you'd know I have gone above and beyond for my DSC on a few occasions as I would do for any child of my partner's or friend if needed.

None of that means I can't enjoy time when they aren't here or I have to sit in a room eating nothing but bread and water and whipping myself because they aren't around.

Wouldn't life be more relaxing if you toddler went to your parents for 6 week too? Would you post on aibu about it?

I think she would miss him deeply but that’s because he’s her child?

I wouldn't declare that*

@Dollyparton3
I'll say it again.
I'm not anti step parents. I'm married to one.

I'm just anti shit parents.

Wouldn't life be more relaxing if you toddler went to your parents for 6 week too?

And stuff like this is the problem. Of course this is different. He is OPs child.

Like it or not most step parents don't feel like you do about your kids. That's just life.

We are biologically programmed to think our kids are the absolute centre of everything. Not everyone else feels that way about your kids, get over it.

@funinthesun19
I'm not offended because she's not missing them. Each to their own, as I know how much my dcs stepdad misses them when they're away but I appreciate we are all different.

I'm offended by the title of her post and the way she talks about them in her opening post.