Wedding Issues

[Star455]

Hi there. I'm after some advice regarding my step daughter's wedding. A little bit of background - my dh and I have been together for 20 years. We have three children together and he has two grown up daughters from his first marriage.

We have always been present in his daughters lives, they stayed with us every weekend, paid maintenance religiously etc. The eldest daughter and I have always had a fractious relationship. She has always resented her father remarrying and was horrified at us having our children.

Over the years she has made it quite obvious she doesn't see them as her siblings, she never bothers with their birthdays or takes an interest in their lives. She is obviously polite to them when she visits her dad but that's about as far as it goes.

Now to the current issue. She has just got engaged and is planning the wedding. She wants the full works - three course meal, top table etc. She plans to have her mother and father on the top table, along with the groom's parents and her step father. Also the groom's brother and her full sibling.

She wants to have a child free wedding but has extended the courtesy of inviting our three children (ages 5, 10 and 12). However, she does not want them to be part of the wedding party and I am not allowed on the top table.

This is obviously a very public slur towards us and I'm not sure how to approach it. My children and I are literally the only immediate family to not be involved in the wedding party. We are to be seated alone on a random table.

Her mother has many friends attending the wedding (rightly so), we are not allowed any. She also wants £3,500 pounds from us towards the cost of it all.

Would I be unreasonable to say thanks but no thanks- my children and I will not be attending?

@takeagamble @limitededitionbarbie and@User135792468 this is a zombie thread. You're wasting your time.

@saraclara thanks 😊 I've been scrolling but not paying 100% attention to what I'm reading or married at first sight. Cannot settle!

YABU.

It is her wedding and she wants her mum and dad to be together because that is her family. It would be disrespectful for her mum to have you sit up there on the head table. This is not about you or your feelings. You and your kids got invited to the wedding and that is gracious enough. You are and will always be the Second family and it is her wedding. She wants her parents, and step dad but doesn't want you. You are already married to her dad. What else do you want?

Just go to the wedding , enjoy it with the kids.

It is up to her father whether or not to contribute.

If you put your husband in a position that he has to choose between you and going, Im not going unless I sit at the top table, then you are being petty.

The daughter didn't ask you to be her step mum, and she's not asking you to sit at the top table.

If it was the other way round,would you sit on the top table with your daughter marryng and your daughter's step mum ? Think how humiliating that would be.

May be the daughter's MUM doesn't want you there OP ?
You already got the husband. Move along.

@upwater this a zombie thread from April 2019

That said posters on here are told that sp must consider DSC at every angle, can't go on holiday/days out without them, and exactly the same number of presents Christmas as they are family and should be treated as such.

It's interesting when weddings come up because the phrase is then trotted out that SP aren't DSC family and shouldn't be expected to be treated as such.

It's such a obvious double standard and I'm a adult SC.

What a cheeky little Mare. Her mother is allowed to have her current husband at the top table but her father can’t have his wife, you there as well? Your stepdaughter is publicly humiliating you and expecting you to pay for the privilege? No. She’s is being rude, nasty, cruel, self entitled, selfish and playing games. This is her way of publicly saying that as far as she is concerned you are nothing to her father and even less to her. How dare she do that then ask for money. And posters here defending this disgusting behaviour. Really?

And it’s not disrespectful to have her step father up there? Do you not see the hypocrisy of your post?