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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Court orders stepchildren to live with me. Suffering with depression

208 replies

Quazzies · 17/12/2018 12:03

Hi idk if this is the right place but it's worth a shot right?

I'll try and cut it short. I have 2 children of my own, a 2 yo girl and a 14 week old baby.
12 and a half weeks ago my partners children got removed from their mother for DV, drug and alcohol abuse and neglect. An interim child arrangement order got granted for the assessment period so SS can carry out and engage with their mother. The order expires in April.
So basically in the space of 2 and a half weeks I went from a mother of 1 to a mother of 4 and all children being under 4. The eldest has just turned 5 and the eldest isn't biologically my partners so we receive support for her.
SS have offered barely any support to help me parent these children which has led to me being severely depressed and unable to bond with my baby. I just feel so helpless and completely useless in this situation.
I'm scared to go and get help for my mental health because I'm scared that SS will take all of the children away as I don't really have a support network. I don't get any support from my family and my partner works full time. I am jist completely mentally exhausted all the time and find myself getting angry all the time. I don't drive and there isn't a bus service so I'm just constantly stuck in the house all the time.

I guess I really just need some help and no one seems to be offering it

OP posts:
WhirlieGigg · 09/01/2019 01:59

I’m unsure why the oldest child has been placed with you, since neither you or your DP are their parent. That child should be in foster care. The second child is your DP’s, so he needs to look after it, not you. It sounds like he can’t, in which case that child should also be placed in care. Sorry but it sounds like you’ve created this situation yourself by allowing Social Services to dump two kids on you who aren’t your problem.

Gazelda · 09/01/2019 08:13

"One less stress for you op You're 23? ...
If you were my daughter I'd know I had failed at being a mother."

OkPedro do you really think that's a kind way to speak to someone who had a miscarriage yesterday?

XmasPostmanBos · 09/01/2019 08:47

Flowers for you OP.

No matter how hard things have been I can tell you love all your children. Even though the eldest is not yours or dp's biologically you have been a good mum to her when she needed you most. If you were my dd I would be proud of you for taking on this role and helping these dc and being a good mum under difficult circumstances. I am not saying you shouldn't protect yourself and think about your future. You sound sensible and you should take advice on that.

Don't worry about what posters on here say you should do just do what seems right to you once you have got the full advice from experts on your situation. I'm glad you are now getting some support from SS and help with your MH.

Branleuse · 09/01/2019 08:57

im sorry youre hurting OP x

Original poster
Quazzies · 09/01/2019 09:34

No I didn't see my life panning out like this but at least I have done something great and given two children a loving home and stopped them from going into the care system. I think it's really insensitive that you're coming across like this when my update was about me having a miscarriage and not about the children

OP posts:
ontheup2019 · 09/01/2019 10:08

OP - I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage - I hope you're getting some support...Thanks

For what it's worth, I think you so sound like a lovely person and a wonderful mother. You've stepped up to the plate in some awful circumstances and all those kids are going to quite rightly idolise you for that one day. Not many could do what you've done and at such a young age. If you were my DD, whilst I'd be worried about you I'd also be so proud that I'd raised someone so strong and kind. And I'm so glad that you're finally getting professional support from SS, etc...

Look after yourself sweetheart Thanks

Cherries101 · 09/01/2019 10:43

I think you and your DP need to have an honest discussion. His kids are young enough that they could be desireable to would-be adoptive families and might even be able to stay together— if you can’t care for them, let SS find someone who can. Please. Don’t keep them for some misguided family loyalty as it seems, in this case at least, those kids would be better off elsewhere.

WellThisIsShit · 10/01/2019 07:46

How horribly upsetting for you Flowers

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