Court orders stepchildren to live with me. Suffering with depression

[Quazzies]

Hi idk if this is the right place but it's worth a shot right?

I'll try and cut it short. I have 2 children of my own, a 2 yo girl and a 14 week old baby.
12 and a half weeks ago my partners children got removed from their mother for DV, drug and alcohol abuse and neglect. An interim child arrangement order got granted for the assessment period so SS can carry out and engage with their mother. The order expires in April.
So basically in the space of 2 and a half weeks I went from a mother of 1 to a mother of 4 and all children being under 4. The eldest has just turned 5 and the eldest isn't biologically my partners so we receive support for her.
SS have offered barely any support to help me parent these children which has led to me being severely depressed and unable to bond with my baby. I just feel so helpless and completely useless in this situation.
I'm scared to go and get help for my mental health because I'm scared that SS will take all of the children away as I don't really have a support network. I don't get any support from my family and my partner works full time. I am jist completely mentally exhausted all the time and find myself getting angry all the time. I don't drive and there isn't a bus service so I'm just constantly stuck in the house all the time.

I guess I really just need some help and no one seems to be offering it

No real advice to add to what you’ve received.

But just to say that you seem an incredibly considerate, sharp, empathetic and impressive person based on a few posts. You’ll get through this and you will make the right decisions as you go along.

Tip my hat to you, you seem great. Keep the positive thinking going, keep being as proactive as you are and it will continue to improve.

@Quazzies you're amazing.

That's all I have to say really.

Well done op! You totally deserve that and more, they should be falling over to help you out. I hope the therapy is useful.

Just thinking about housework, when my dc were small I used a sling or carrier quite a lot when baby was a bit unhappy and didn’t want to be left on a mat or bouncy chair. Great for tidying up, hovering, washing up etc. you have your hands free. Toddler can help with certain tasks like tidying up and also I hope your partner is doing his fair share.

Yay! Well done OP. And yes to a sling.

Guys just as I thought things were looking I've been put in yet another impossible situation. I discovered last night that I'm pregnant again. I suppose it's my fault for not taking enough precautions. My OH obviously wants me to have an abortion but I just don't think I could. How on earth can he expect me to medically induce a miscarriage resulting in me killing my own baby?! It's madness. I literally have no one else to talk to.

Do some searching on your local nhs website, most areas have self referrals to talking therapies.
All other mental health services usually require GP referral.
Do you have a community midwife? They should be able to help you find the local support.
Social services should be able to offer the older children nursery places to give you and baby bonding time.
I am suprised the eldest child is with you though as neither of you have parental responsibility unless your OH adopted them.

Re your update, you really need to consider if it’s right for you, the children and the whole family to take these children in full time.

Personally I would reconsider, you don't sound like your coping. There is no shame I don't think many would.

I ended up having a full mental breakdown a few year back and was unable to care for my own DC for around 4 month and it was truly shitty.

Please don't put yourself in that position.

@Thespace if it were the case that we kept the baby then the children's position with us would have to be short term. This changes everything. Everytime I even look a the word 'abortion' it makes me feel physically sick. Just having it go through my mind upsets me so much. I honestly do not think I could put myself through it. I can't believe my OH wants it to be an option. I'm literally all over the place.

You would probably be able to maintain regular contact with the children.

We would. Rn I'm just hoping for the sake of the children's future that their mother works with everyone involved and turns a new leaf.

One of those children is your husband's biological child. He probably doesn't want to put the child into care so you can continue with a pregnancy.

Which I completely understand and I also don't want either of the children to go into care which is why I took them. It'd be do able with 5 children I reckon if I got my MH under control or perhaps I'm jist being deluded.

Good luck

Could I ask what you all would do in this exact situation? Thanks

I’m struggling to picture myself in the situation TBH.

I’d certainly be sending your OH for a vasectomy ASAP.

I don't think carers allowance would be available unless the children have disabilities.

Sorry confused with another thread

I'm surprised you didn't mention that a pregnancy was possible complication when you started this thread! Or that you've even had the energy for sex in these circumstances.

I only found out last night and we took precautions but obviously it didn't work (used a condom) it obviously went wrong somehow. I'm dealing with all this on my own because my partner is at work

I've just read through this thread and have quite strong opinions. I'm not sure they will be welcome, but I'll have a go at typing them with kindness (as they do come from a good place).
Firstly, the pregnancy. Regardless of whether these children stay with you or not, having another baby in this dreadfully unstable position is the worst possible idea you could have. If it was me, I would absolutely have a termination. The effect on the existing children is far too great to make a new baby a viable option.
Now, on to the situation of your partners children. A few questions I need to ask - because I'm making assumptions and I prefer to have facts before giving advice.
Why has he not taken time off to help ease everyone in to the new arrangements? What is his work situation? Does he work shifts? Regular hours/days? Does he get paid time off sick?
I understand you say he earns above the benefits threshold, however, this is a myth. It depends on many factors as to whether you would be entitled. There isnt really a threshold, except for child benefit of which you say you can still recieve. This means DP earns under 50k presumably? Your case is a little more complicated due to the 2 child rule, but you may actually be entitled to more assistance than you think. You won't find any benefits calculators helpful due to the specific circumstances, but I can recommend a place to seek advice from if you would like it.
Your mental health sounds like it has been caused by the situation you are in. What you need is help/practical support. The burden you have been given is too much for almost anyone. You may benefit from medication and therapies. But realistically, do you think you would feel like this now if it wasn't for the ongoing situation? Medication and talking therapies are not going to alter the actual situation.
I'll come back further, but if you can answer some of the above, it would be helpful to narrow down the advice given.

I think you're doing brilliantly OP. You're amazing.
Re the pregnancy, you asked what others would do, I'd definitely have a termination asap. I found out I was pregnant for a fourth time when youngest two were 17 months and 4 months old and I had a termination immediately. I've never regretted it and made the decision based on how having another baby would affect the lives of my existing children.

You are in such a difficult situation (as another step mum). If you are strongly opposed to abortion I dont think you should have one as you may find it irreparably damages your relationship with the children or your partner. You and your partner have some very difficult decisions to make - good luck