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Step-parenting

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Court orders stepchildren to live with me. Suffering with depression

208 replies

Quazzies · 17/12/2018 12:03

Hi idk if this is the right place but it's worth a shot right?

I'll try and cut it short. I have 2 children of my own, a 2 yo girl and a 14 week old baby.
12 and a half weeks ago my partners children got removed from their mother for DV, drug and alcohol abuse and neglect. An interim child arrangement order got granted for the assessment period so SS can carry out and engage with their mother. The order expires in April.
So basically in the space of 2 and a half weeks I went from a mother of 1 to a mother of 4 and all children being under 4. The eldest has just turned 5 and the eldest isn't biologically my partners so we receive support for her.
SS have offered barely any support to help me parent these children which has led to me being severely depressed and unable to bond with my baby. I just feel so helpless and completely useless in this situation.
I'm scared to go and get help for my mental health because I'm scared that SS will take all of the children away as I don't really have a support network. I don't get any support from my family and my partner works full time. I am jist completely mentally exhausted all the time and find myself getting angry all the time. I don't drive and there isn't a bus service so I'm just constantly stuck in the house all the time.

I guess I really just need some help and no one seems to be offering it

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SandyY2K · 19/12/2018 19:50

What a sad situation. You are very kind hearted.

I just worry that you're having a third child with a man who would see his own child go into the care system, rather than look after them.

Do you have close family? Have you ever thought what would happen to your DC if anything happened to you?
..because it is clear he won't step up.

Quazzies · 19/12/2018 20:25

@SandyY2K my family and I are distant. I didn't have the best upbringing and ended up in the care system as a teenager. Since then I could never forgive my mother.

If anything ever happened to me idk what would happen to the children but it's something I wouldn't like to think of. I'd probably request that the children went to my MIL, she's such a lovely person I just don't want to ask much of her as she's had open heart surgery. She would 100% not see the children without though.

I'm still torn on what to do regarding the pregnancy. I terminate, I spiral into an even worse state of depression or I keep the baby and do everything on my own.

It's a no win situation

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2018ismyyear2018 · 19/12/2018 20:32

The child that isn't yours or your partnersthe local authority should be paying some kind of Foster care allowance to you for and providing additional support. Ridley & Hall in Yorkshire specialises in this area. Might be worth giving thrm a call.

HappyHedgehog247 · 19/12/2018 20:41

Try Homestart if it exists in this area. Fabulous charity who will match you with someone to help.

zzzzz · 19/12/2018 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Harpingon · 19/12/2018 20:54

You must be honest with SS, they need to make sure those children are not put through any more than they already have been. It would not be fair to build up a relationship with you all as primary carers only to have them moved on again.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 19/12/2018 21:09

Could your mh issues be partly early pregnancy hormones? I would continue to work on them to get nursery time for your 2 yr old. Only you can decide what to do about your pregnancy. Would you keep the baby if it was just your two or your two plus his biological child? If so then I would be concerned that you might resent the other child. I would though suggest that your oh gets the snip to avoid any more children. It is the least he can do.

Quazzies · 19/12/2018 21:16

I'd just like to clarify that putting Dad's into the care system is not an option. It never has been an option and it never will be, I'll make sure of that.
The only other option is for the children to go back to their mother after the final hearing at court in April.
If that doesn't happen and their mother hasn't redeemed herself then a special guardianship order will be granted for the eldest and a permanent child arrangement order for 3yo. Supervised contact will stay the same (mother and children have 3 supervised 2 hour visits per week facilitated by contact workers).

I had an excellent routine for the first 6 weeks and then my MH started to deteriorate and then the bombshell of pregnancy last night. I jist don't know what I'm going to do which is why I'm asking for advice and it has been greatly received by all of you and I thank you all for that.

You guys have got me through the last 48hours and I'll be forever grateful to you all. Thank you.

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Quazzies · 19/12/2018 21:20

I've felt like this for the past few weeks. It could be early pregnancy hormones, delayed post-natal depression and the lack of support I've had from organisations, family and DP. Idk all I do know is I need to get help before it gets worse.

My HV and I have put a plan in place and she's given me a to-do list to try and help pass this god awful state of depression.

My family has a history of MH illnesses so it could also be genetic and have been triggered by this such difficult time.

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SandyY2K · 19/12/2018 21:36

I'm sorry to hear about your own upbringing.

It's not an easy situation from any angle. You have a lot on your plate.

You're barely getting time to bond with your baby....and an other is on the way.

Just have a careful think about a new baby on everyone including your existing DC.

Your OH seems like he could cave under the pressure and you'd have 5 children.... all very very young to look after.

Only you can decide what's best....or at least what's the better option.

Quazzies · 19/12/2018 21:53

The best option would be to terminate for everyone involved and possibly me in the future. But for me right now I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I went through with that. Idk how I'd react.

I think the best option right now is to go and see a specialised counsellor that deals with termination and see what advice and support I could gain from them. I'm willing to give anything a go to make this easier on everyone involved.

I mean, you never know I could get MH support and become supermum and manage with 5 children or it may just completely ruin me. My heads a shed 😭

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VanGoghsDog · 19/12/2018 22:00

You're taking too much of the load, your DH needs to step up - change his hours, take some time off, whatever. You need his support in the flesh, not just silently worrying about you.

colditz · 19/12/2018 22:08

Oh Quazzie :( Do the best thing for you. Never mind your selfish husband.

Quazzies · 19/12/2018 22:16

It never wins to be a bloody people pleaser does it

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zzzzz · 19/12/2018 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quazzies · 19/12/2018 22:22

The worse thing is the kids are in bed and he's still acting like nothing is wrong what so ever. Rather than trying to talk with me he's asking me what we are having for Christmas dinner?! Like seriously all this is going off and all you're bothered about is turkey and beef!!

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Quazzies · 19/12/2018 22:23

He's one insensitive a**h@le!!

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zzzzz · 19/12/2018 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CommanderDaisy · 19/12/2018 22:43

Firstly I think you are incredible, and far kinder a soul than I am. You are a Wonder Woman already.
Secondly, I think your partner needs a vasectomy yesterday.
Third, lose your shit on a daily basis to all the agencies that can possible help you. They are taking advantage of your kindness, and what do you do - given how kindhearted you are when faced with the possible request to take on the next baby your partners ex is pregnant with? I think you'll guilt yourself into a yes, even though you say no way now. Stand your ground and say help me, or find other arrangements for these children.

I do not think that an abortion is the answer when you are already having severe MH issues - that option has a strong potential to break you completely. Especially considering how you feel already. Then your kindness at the expense of yourself and your children means nothing because you have completely destroyed yourself.

Now comes the bit that will get me flamed, and yes I am coldhearted and a bitch.
I think you desperately need to stop thinking about everyone else for a bit and put yourself first.
I think you should put the oldest into alternative care. Where is the fathers family in this? Not the father but his relatives?
I think if you abort your own child for this one and the other, you will both never forgive yourself , your partner and come to resent these children immensely . And what if they get returned to their mother next year and you've had an abortion based on a maybe?. Unlike a previous poster, I would not sacrifice my own child for the other two. Sorry, just would not especially if the concept of an abortion was throwing me for such a loop and I was unstable mentally already.

But alternatively, if you choose to keep your baby ( which I would ) and the others...some suggestions .

Your husband needs to step up, change his hours and pull his head out of his arse. Passively worrying with out actively doing anything is useless. If he is shit with money - you take it over and give him a sum each week. He needs to be engaging with SS as well as you. They are his kids.He needs to be all over this, he has breaks at work - he can get on the phone.
He needs to get home of a night and take over and clean, and let you out for a walk , a sleep or any kind of a break. End of story.

You may need to learn to drive given your isolation - given that many small kids there are going to be occasions you have to - accidents at home, illness - talking them to the doctor etc.
And if you cannot put this bring yourself to put this child into care, can you get an au pair? Or a local teenager to help a couple of times a week? Anything.

Flowers, love and awe.

Knittedfairies · 19/12/2018 22:51

Everything CommanderDaisy said. (If the queue for a vasectomy is too long, might I recommend a couple of house bricks?)

Look after yourself OP.💐

olivertwistwantsmore · 19/12/2018 22:55

It’s insane to have another dc when you are having so much trouble managing the ones you already have.

Your dh really needs to step up. You’re parenting a kid that is nothing to do with you or him!! That’s really heard for anyone.

But he needs to do his part and not leave everything to you.

SandyY2K · 19/12/2018 23:09

A counsellor will not advise you on what to do.

They will listen and be empathetic and non judgemental.

Talking may help, but it's your decision.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 19/12/2018 23:24

Like some others have said - I would not sacrifice my own child for someone else’s. (Even my husband’s.) And to me, my children were exactly that - my children - from the second my test came up positive.

So I would give the following position - I am keeping all three of my children. If husband wants us to keep the other two then ideally that would be best. But he will have to do the lion’s share of the work and make it happen.

Quazzies · 20/12/2018 02:42

@CommanderDaisy I'm currently learning to drive, I'm almost there I'm just building up my experience and confidence on the road. I also have a car that I'm insured on as a learner driver but obviously need am experienced driver to sit beside me based on current laws.

I already feel guilty at the thought of a termination. I don't want to do something I'll regret and I reckon that would be the worst decision of my life to make but as you can tell it's not in my nature to be selfish and I tend to put the needs and wishes of other people before my own which lets be honest, that what mothers do.

I've slept on it and I literally think I have to be selfish to keep my own sanity (or what's left of it) so I will most definitely not be having a termination. It'll all fall into place somehow and I can make it work. I'm not going to kill my baby because of possible things that might or might not happen. This baby has the right to life just like anyone else does. What's meant to be is meant to be IMO.

5 DC 5 and under at the age of 23, I must be mad 😂

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Quazzies · 20/12/2018 02:46

@Mumoftwoyoungkids that's what I think too, I love all of my children with all my heart, how can I not take the opportunity to give more love. It'll be bloody hard work but every smile, laugh, cuddle and kiss is all worth it.

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