Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

@Winterishere2018 but the girls only
Know about peppa Pig world, the holiday etc because their mum tells them! She doesn't have to tel them she is just being spiteful as she knows it will cause issues and questions. We told them he was ill when we went to menorcs and about 3 weeks later they said 'you weren't ill mummy said you went on holiday without us' what parent would actively want to tell their kids!

Tbh you’re son sounds like a little shit to say that in front of them and he’s only repeating what he’s heard. Bloody down disgraceful they know full well they aren’t wanted.

When you explain it like that it all sounds very fair and rational. But it doesn't come across like that in your earlier posts, it really doesn't.

Maybe you are trying your best. I hope so. But you really need to try and put yourself in the girls shoes and think about how they are feeling. Your DP needs to be doing everything he can, going above and beyond, to make those girls feel that they still matter to him and are special. All the time. All the time.

What else she going to say lie and say he’s unwell and can’t see them. You’re a dick and you know it.

I'm trying to see things in a positive light but have I just read that he told his girls he was unwell and went to Menorca with you and your children? Please tell me I've misunderstood.....!

We told them he was ill when we went to menorcs and about 3 weeks later they said 'you weren't ill mummy said you went on holiday without us' what parent would actively want to tell their kids!

Jesus you actually think stuff like this is helping your argument but it just makes you sound worse! You went on holiday and lied to his girls that he was ill? Did it ever occur to you that his girls were worried about him and so their mother told them the truth? Was the ex aware that she was supposed to lie to her children for your partner's benefit?

What parent would pretend to be ill so that he can go on holiday instead of seeing his children.

Nice suntan dad, how did you get that whilst being ill in bed for 2 weeks?

Mind you he faked an injured leg because he couldn't be bothered to visit them one Friday.

Also shows up the 'we need a holiday abroad' argument and your mother not wanting you to go without, if you've been to Menorca not long ago.

We told them he was ill when we went to menorcs and about 3 weeks later they said 'you weren't ill mummy said you went on holiday without us' what parent would actively want to tell their kids!

bloody disgraceful I would be telling my kids the truth, I certainly wouldn’t be protecting him to save his arse.

To us we saw it that it was better to tell them
He was ill and couldn't visit than, we are on holiday and can't visit. We were just thinking of them. My sons dad went away the other week and didn't take him and we both agreed to say that he was poorly so that our son didn't wonder why he went on holiday without him. As it was just him and his partner going. What was the need to tel them we went peppa Pig world in our spare time-none again she would rather upset her children to get one up on my partner. This then results in their bad behaviour.

We have changed a lot of ways we do things, trial error a lot of it and blending families is so hard. Especially when they live so far away. I believe if they were closer it would be so different. I just felt that it wouldn't matter changing the day this week as long as they still saw him this week as it was their contact. Sometimes their is give and take. I changed my sons visit was his dad as it was his step mums birthday and they wanted to go out. Just better to be nice to each other

Menorca was back in may 2016. And we honestly thought jr was better for their feelings to say he was ill than on holiday.

I don’t blame her for turning them against you and your entitled little brats.

You’re a despicable bitch and hopefully karma will come back to bite you in the arse very soon when he starts shagging someone else and their children are calling him daddy while yours are left...

If I were her I’d be doing everything in my power to stop contact, and I’d be telling them that your children are nothing to do with them. And I’m usually of the opinion that families should be encouraged rather than the opposite. But in this situation I think those girls would be better off without all of you, including their sibling, in their lives.

You’re sons dad went away with his gf not her children and excluded him big difference. You know full well you’re being a spiteful cow towards those girls

There is give and take when a parent is consistently involved. All your partner does is take. How long ago was Menorca? From ex's point of view he moved away and didn't see them for several months, started a new family, didn't have appropriate sleeping arrangements, treats them like second class citizens, lied to them to go on holiday, faked injury to get out of contact, cancels contact regularly for various reasons, doesn't include them in family holidays. You don't think she has reason to be angry?

You talk about things being in the past and moving forward, but stuff isn't in the past when you are still doing it! You say you've got things wrong, and then keep doing them!

No wonder the dm doesn’t want the over night access you and you’re dp mess them around all the time!

The girls behave the way they do because their Dad is a piss poor parent who favours your boys over his girls. Kids who don't live full time with a parent need reassurance that the kids who live full time are not replacements for them but your (Partner and you) nasty decisions like the castle bed, holidays etc are creating girls who feel insecure and angry.

Wasn't 2016 when he had only just started seeing them again after ignoring them for months? He really ought to just leave them be now, he is damaging them irreparably. Completely agree with SummerGems.

I can’t fathom how anyone with such a warped mindset exists tbh

If you have a contact agreement and the mother won’t agree to change the days to accommodate holiday plans, then you fit the plans around that. If that means going for a week or 10 days instead of two weeks, then that is what you do. It’s called responsibility. I don’t care whether you feel you have had ‘a proper break or not’. If he didn’t treat his responsibilities as optional then you wouldn’t be in this mess. What about that do you find so difficult to understand?

Op your kids are only very little. They do not care about going abroad and they would not missing out by not going abroad. Save it for when they’re older and when it will be more enjoyable.
Haven holidays are lovely and my little ones get so excited about them every summer. All of you can enjoy a week at Haven. And the caravans are really nice!
If you book early online you can also get a discount too.

Sorry I meant may 2017...
2016 was when me and my son went Cyprus on our own... he moved down September 2016, we got into relationship October 2016.... and then he saw the girls again November 2016 for few hours,, and then started seeing regularly from
January 2017..

Sorry my error all the years are confusing ha.. so Menorca 2017.

We have kept to the Fridays since I got him
To swap from the Saturday since July... he missed one Friday when our son was in hospital but that's it. He won't be missing Friday this week and I have just booked his train ticket to go up and see them Friday. We will take my son out for breakie somewhere, and then drop him to train station. We have managed to get him a slightly earlier train back as he will drop girls to his sisters house and she will drive them home. (They live a 35 minute walk from train station/tow centre. So if he gets the train they have to walk 35 minutes from school to town for dinner, then 35 minute back home.. his mum is doing them dinner apparently so he is going to speak to her about treating them all the same. I didn't think it was much to ask to swap the day, as he would still see the, but then it's obvious people think biological kids should come first. So if everyone is saying he needs to put girls first everytime then surely that gives me the right to put the boys first everytime and not change to make it more equal.

@funinthesun18 do they do food packages so you can pay it all up front?? We did Butlin's this year and boys did enjoy it, never done haven so will look at that as alternative for next October. Is the stuff there expensive?? I just like the guarantee how weather ha.. and my son loves the plane... I think 2020 we will just do a couple of holidays in this country, perhaps Disneyland Paris with all the kids. If we can get the court order then we will have them regularly overnight that we can start sorting their behaviour and going through stuff with them. And perhaps give them the incentive that we will do Disney not Butlin's if everyone's behaviour changes and attitudes etc.

Oh well if it was 2017 then of course you need 2 weeks in Greece, you haven't been abroad for over a year! You poor thing.

It isn't putting his bio kids first to actually turn up to when he sees them 2 days out of 28. It is doing the barest of bare minimums.

OP, why do you post?
You don’t take advice, try to justify actions by blaming the girls, their mum, your MIL refuse to accept that you are doing anything wrong. Why do you post?

Do you get a kick out of explaining how you treat these children?

Are you hoping people will agree with you that the girls are an expensive inconvienience, your boys are wonderful and deserve such a loving father? Are you hoping for compliments on how well you treat the girls?

Seriously, why do you post. What do you hope/aim to achieve in posting?