Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

The bed is sat in my Grandads house whilst I am selling it online, it's being collected hopefully this week. So as soon as we get the money we will split it.

They use to stay overnight but their mum felt it was too long a car journey Fridays and Sundays plus us not having them overnight gives her more csa. As she felt csa would entitle her to more when in fact it doesn't csa has given her less than we paid via private agreement

According to your other thread, your dp was planning to go to peppa pig world but the ex commented on this and because you had to keep her sweet you decided it was better he didn't come.

What does he pay in maintenance, something like £60 per month which you were hoping to reduce at that time.

We pay £164 a month csa (that's what they have calculated) when his hours go down they estimated he had to pay £54 a month. But we are going to continue to pay £164 a month.

He didn't come to peppa Pig world so there was no need for her to tell the girls,
Plus what we do in our spare time which isn't contact isn't actually anything to do with her

Is this some sort of emotional self-harm you're engaging in here?

They used to stay overnight but she was unhappy that her daughter was given a cupboard to sleep in more like.

You could have gone somewhere still abroad but closer than Greece. A villa in Spain, campsite in France for example. You could have gone for a week instead of 2. Then the girls could have gone.

^what she said. You did nothing but gurn about them, you begrudged them the food they put in their mouths and had special snacks for your golden child that they weren't allowed to eat, and whined about them wanting adult meals when you weren't even paying. And wanted them in a cupboard while your son had a castle bed and ball pit and all the nice things.

You are extremely delusional.
You have an excuse for everything.
I think your either a mother pretending to be the stepmum, so you can hear other people agree that her actions are bad or
A teen living in a weird fantasy.
Either way thank you for the regular entertainment

How far do you think her £2.73 per day per child is going to take her? Seriously, how much do you think that makes in terms of contribution to keeping those girls?

It's quite sad for the boys too really. I'm sure they'd rather a week at Haven with their sisters than an expensive trip abroad without them.

Don’t go for two weeks then go for a week and include the girls but of course you won’t because it’s all about you and the boys. She doesn’t want her girls over night at you’re place because the sleep arrangements are inadequate.

When they were staying they had a room. The house we were in before the evicted one they attic was converted into rooms so all the kids had a room each. She then cut the overnights! But we had to move.. then we moved to the place we got evicted but didn't have a room for them
As they were never allowed to stay.

As stated a week abroad is fairly pointless, and actually my son prefers not to have them around because In his words 'I don't like catching bugs of the girls and the girls are always naughty and daddy gets upset.'
Everytime they stayed he got nits, everytime they stayed they are so Misbehaved and it affected the boys. So to be honest I don't think my son would actually care.

She use to get more from us when we didn't go to csa but she was convinced she would get more and she doesn't. So now we still to what csa says and pay no extra and that's her own doing.

Why did you have to move?

And the way you are alienating your son from his siblings is shocking.

And her going to CSA doesn't stop you paying what you did before - CSA is the legal minimum, not a target.

Well at least you are teaching your 3 year old well. Maybe 'Daddy' should focus on parenting and actually seeing them consistently and then he wouldn't be upset with his own kids to the point that your son notices.

And millions of holiday makers go abroad for a week, what makes you special. You aren't even paying! Surely any length of time is a bonus. Wouldn't your partner prefer to have his girls there?

You really hate these girls don't you. Please don't take them on holiday. For their sake.

Poor kids.

I'm actually starting to agree with the poster earlier in the thread who said just stop contact now for the sake of the girls. It never takes long on these threads for your clear dislike of them to come out. You view them as an expense to be minimised, not as a part of your family. I think the inconsistency, sporadic contact, let downs and clear second class treatment along with your animosity to them will probably damage them more in the long term that a clean break from their useless specimen of a father and his awful partner.

As stated a week abroad is fairly pointless,

Most people go a week 10 days rare many go away for two weeks. We go to turkey as a family of five for a week.

actually my son prefers not to have them around because In his words 'I don't like catching bugs of the girls and the girls are always naughty and daddy gets upset.'

You’re son who isn’t even related to the girls dad has a the nerve to complain and then seeing THEIR father, they act up because they are treated like shit by you their father and you’re son. Great parenting there encouraging you’re son to dislike his step sisters!

Every-time they stayed he got nits, everytime they stayed they are so Misbehaved and it affected the boys. So to be honest I don't think my son would actually care.

Again great parenting! Btw I’m being saracastic. Kids get nits some get them more than others, wait until you’re boys get to school. You’re a terrible individual

We had to move because the landlord was not getting anything fixed, there as bad damp affecting our sons chest, electrics where becoming dodgy and it was costing us a fortune to heat each month so moving saved us more money making it easier with csa and travelling etc.

My partner gets upset because whatever we do is never good enough. The eldest turned around and had a meltdown last time she stayed in the summer because 'it isnt good enough that tickets didn't turn up and you should just buy more tickets because mummy said you have lots of money' when instead as they didn't turn up we did a different day our we had tickets for which was planned for our sons first birthday. But they are so badly behaved and rude it upsets him and he isn't himself. It's like walking on eggshells when they are down. That's why he gets upset. And we feel
That whatever we do is never good enough, and actually it puts us off taking them abroad at least if we stay in the UK we can cut the holiday short and take them back to our house if they show their usual behaviour.

Going abroad by the time you get there most of the first day is usually gone, and by the time you unpack it's ready to pack and come home again really it's only about a 5 day holiday. Doesnt feel like you get the rest
Like with two weeks away.

I agree with another poster that the holiday in itself isn't a bad thing - if your parents want to pay for you to have a holiday that's up to them. It's all the other stuff I've read before that makes me upset that you care so little for those girls. I've never forgotten that you grudged the older girl, who I think is 11 or 12, having an adult meal in McDonalds. Whatever you think or feel, your partner should never treat his girls differently and it's disgraceful that he does and you don't object.

I just can't get my head round the fact that no matter how many people tell you how unreasonable you are both being you never seem to step back and think and acknowledge that others might have a point.

And your comment about what your 4 year old said about his sisters is disgusting. I hope that you told him it was unacceptable and that he should never ever speak about his sisters in that way. Children are never too young to learn right from wrong and you should be chastising him for this. But I don't expect you are, he's on your side. Appalling. I'm a stepmum and it's people like you that give us a bad name.

They are “naughty” because they have zero space to call their own at their df house

Their df home isn’t their home, they have to deal with a child there who isn’t their dads son whos calling him dad, when he has a dad he sees, not meantion him getting extra treats, extra days out and a castle bed.

Then comes a new shine baby in the mix, holidays abroad for the boys and budget holidays for the girls. The hatred for those girls comes out in you’re post after post so they are aware what you think of them and I don’t blame them one bit to make it harder for you and you’re dp it’s what you both deserve.

My partner gets upset because whatever we do is never good enough

He ISN'T good enough though. He moved away from them, didn't bother with them for months and has been neglectful and inconsistent since. I'm not surprised they focus so much on material 'stuff'. That's all they can get from him, he gives them nothing else. And I'm surprised that somebody as seemingly obsessed with treats/ stuff as you can't understand that.

Why does he expect them to behave well and respect him as a parent when he isn't a parent to them?

@fredleighton I did explain to him that the girls need to see their daddy, and that all kids can be naughty at times. And that it's ok if he gets bugs we will just do our special shampoo to get rid of them.
He said it in front of them so I explained it
In front of them what o was saying to him and he did go on the naughty step until he said sorry.

It's not begrudging her having a adult meal we said she could but not to take the piss and go for the most expesenive stuff and bigggest upgrades... but she has actually go back to happy meals because she doesn't eat all the adult meal and was wasting half.

Yes we have done stuff wrong but we are making sure we go to all
School plays, rings them most nights, sees them EOW, they all have the same spent at Christmas, we are trying to get into a place where we can do a trip to cinema one of their contact days, we are taking them to Butlin's next year (which originally we weren't going to it was just over holiday abroad).. we aren't going to peppa Pig world
To see Santa like my son wanted so that they aren't left out.

He isn't good enough. Jesus christ they want to see there dad and get some other kid calling him daddy. Ohh n I can bet that when they did come you never took your son out so they could have there dad. Nah. You make sure everyone knows that he's your sons daddy now.