Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

Yet another inconsistency. In your thread on the 25th May you wrote:

My three year old will be four in 4 months. So he is over 3.5 technically

So was his Birthday last Friday or in September as I think you are making things up to suit yourself

On 27th May you said your partner just cba to work. What a catch he is. Lazy bastard.

And your stuff about you with the perfect credit rating for renting an dit’s all on him you had to have a guarantor is bollocks too because on that same thread I just quoted, you said that you defaulted on a loan and a credit card.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3260735-to-think-that-sometimes-a-new-partners-income-should-be-considered-by-cms?pg=2

*and it’s

In the thread about the Potter children stealing from your child’s snack drawer because you wouldn’t buy them nice things for their snacks, only Asda own brand, you say that your boys rooms are tiny.

So how do they fit a castle bed and a slide and ball pit?

Those aren’t tiny rooms if they can fit those. But yet the two boys can’t share? Are they rooms of requirement that change their size dependent on what’s happening that week?

three bedrooms the rooms are tiny so the boys wouldn't be able to share.

Your partner had five months off laying about at home for his mental health. what more of a break did he need?

But he did go to the GP for 'treatment' for his 'addiction' to Pepsi...

@Innocentconglomeration my defaults where long ago enough that my credit rating now is pretty high. My rating had to be 526 with the company they use, using scores of noodle, and my score was 550. So my score was good enough.

With regards to riding his bike the 7 miles it is made up of the dual carriageway as well which isn't particularly safe and I have never seen anyone cycle along it.

The castle bed length was the size of a normal single bed. And the steps came out in front. The width of where the mattress was is the same size as a normal single bed and then it was a extra foot wider for the steps. His ball pall would go underneath the bed as it was a high sleeper style. And the baby's room was a box room with a paddling pool size ball pool which we would slide under his cot when not being used. They don't exactly cost the Earth. The paddling pool for them to go in were a £1 each.

We aren't getting much money from sale of the bed, I only bought it for £200... the bed isn't as extravagant as they sound. This is the style of bed but the top of the bed was cut to look like castle tops, and underneath wasn't a bed it was a storage/play area. It really wasn't as big and fancy as people think. But I shouldn't have to buy cheap and shit things for my kids in fear of upsetting everyone else.

His birthday was last week..

@MadameButterface I never said it wasn't a holiday if we don't go in the U.K... but they are children and should respect whatever is given to them holiday wise. And the ungratefulness grinds on me. This is the difference between the kid. Last night we took my son out.. nothing expensive but we went for a walk along the beach, had a couple quid in the machines and then we went to my work for dinner (as it was free).. he turned around and never once asked for anything or cried because he couldn't have it, and he said 'thank you so much for family night I love our family night, you and daddy are the best.' My son is grateful for whatever he gets, for his birthday he got holiday clothes of one family member and he was so grateful and excited thanking them. The girls
Got clothes from their Nan and they turned their nose up and asked where were their toys as clothes aren't presents and it's not fair. And we never get gratitude when we take them out. So you can say I am a shit parent but actually my boys have manners and respect and gratitude. My partner phoned the girls as they were at their mums last night. And they started whining at the presents my son had, as I put a album online of his birthday day and they had seen it (it's appeared the eldest has a Facebook account we didn't know about it and can see our profiles.) We didn't buy my son loads he had a pj masks headquarters (which was £25 in the sale), the stackable pj masks transforming figures, and two other small toys. So same amount spent on him as the girls he just got more for his money. It upset my partner as all he wanted to do was find out how their sleepover went. But I put this on and get seen as whinging about them when in reality I am simply just trying to explain why it's so hard

Why don't you change the settings on your Facebook profile so that only your friends can see it? That way the Ex and demon step daughters can't see what you're up to?

The default will be on your credit file for 6 years. It can’t be longer ago than a year or because you talk about it as if it was very recent in May of this year, and it’s only been since your prince among men moved in and your benefits were reduced. That can’t be more than 4 years ago because your son had a birthday last week or in September, depending on which thread is right.

Defaults plural.

How does a 1 year old have respect and manners and gratitude?

Those girls have been treated appallingly by their dad and he’s reaping what he sowed.

On another point, you said in the thread where you only bought your step children Asda value snacks that when you were just his manager you took your partner (who wasn’t your partner because you were only his manager) up and down to see the girls 2 x a month.

Who minded your son while you did that?

The default was from 2 years ago for one, and the smaller one was about a year ago but I have paid the smaller one off in full so it's only the larger one that's still on my account but I pay £35 a month of it so it's getting lower. And the longer they are on your file the less it affects your credit. They agency only issue was CCJ or bankruptcy.

@Innocentconglomeration ever since my son was 7 months old and I went back to work full time part of the shift was that I worked 11 hours Friday and 9 hours the Saturday and he would be in nursery, mum would
Collect him and have him overnight. So when my days changed my son still went to nursery 12-5, for picked up by mum and stayed there until 4 the next day. So she had him. It's the only time she ever looks after the kids.

My one year old is growing up, he automatically says 'ta' for anything now before we hand it to him whereas the girls can't even say thank you.. I get my one year old is slightly different than a 4 year old but as stated my 4 year old shows all those attributes S

Don’t fed into it then hopefully op gets bored

So you sent your son to your mother so you could ferry a grown man who you weren’t in a relationship with but we’re jist his manager, a 200 mile round trip and waited there while he saw his kids for five hours and then drove him home again. Rather than change days with your mum and spend time with your own child.

Wow.

*were just

And you did that every other week for months.

And yet it’s a problem when the ex sends her kids to a sleepover.

Mine is for work. And it was one night a week. Apart from that I see my son, look after him and rely on no one! I don't ship him off to go out drinking.

So your mum had your child once a week even when you weren’t working and still does, and yet it’s a problem when his ex gets their girls minded. You’re being a hypocrite.

You shipped yours off and still do to go shagging.

You hardly have the moral high ground.

If you can afford to go to court, you can afford your rent, prioritise that.

My mum and my son enjoy their weekly sleepover. He has been the reason to keep my mum going through a lot. We ask him every week and he wants to have his sleepover at nanny's. One day a week it slightly different to 4/5 days a week. If it was one or even two nights/day a week then yes that's acceptable but 4/5 nights a week she doesn't have them but is clamiming CB and CSA for them when really it should be her family receiving it

So she doesn’t have her kids 5 days a week? How come in all the many threads you have had, this is the first time you’ve mentioned this?

To be honest, that makes it even more utterly reprehensible that this man left them, and has not made any effort to take full custody of those girls.

If she doesn't have them 5 days a week it's hardly her fault if they've got nits and no manners

Also your mum should not be using a 2/3/4 year old as an emotional crutch. That’s not healthy.

Also your mum is making a difference between the boys by having one and not the other. And yet you castigate his family for not having your son. Double standards again.

Oh what a load of shit. If their own mother really didn't have them in her care 5 nights a week what would it say about your partner that he hasn't stepped in?