Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

with your 53p the Friday before pay day on a Monday how the actual chuffing hell are you going to save enough? Or will bank of step dad get his wallet out? Again?

Is this still sorry saga limping on good grief

I would much rather he can drive as then we aren't restricted when we go out to me always being the one having a soft drink etc.

I imagine he can’t wait to be the one on th soft drinks 🥤

He's going to be a SAHD but you want a will to say that your mum should be the boys guardian in the event of your death.

Will and leaving Children http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legalmoneyy_matters/3358290-will-and-leaving-children

Your life would be so much better and less complicated if you just called a halt on your marriage.

Dp doing an intense course, what an example of your delusional state. You need help, lots, if this is at all true.
You dp hasn't stuck to anything in his life, and a week of driving - he will quit with a whole heap of excuses.

To be fair on you OP from what your writing, you are only acting selfishly spoilt because it sounds it is how you've been brought up and know no different.

If my DD was in your situation, any money I de ided to give her, if I did, would not be to go on fancy holidays and day out, I would be horrified if she did. You OH pare ts got it right. It sounds like all his life he has been at the mercy of women who has taken away any responsibility from him and his mum wants him to grow up and take control of his life. Its no surprise he is battling depression, he seems to have no control over his life and just at your beck and call. Perfect arrangement, he is lazy and youre a control freak. His mum sees it and doesn't like it.

As for your parents, they have raised you with a sense of entitlement taking luxuries for granted. Your posts are full of 'I deserve', with no 'I'm responsible for'.

You have so much growing up to do. If you are showing to be the same person at work than you are showing here, you have a long way to go before you become a manager, leading a team. You might be intelligent, certainly energetic and ambitious, but you have absolutely no leadership skiis, no humility, no listening skills, no sense of responsibility for other than yourself and those who have something to give back to you. At this stage, you'd make a terrible manager. Hopefully though you have somewhere an ability to learn that will take over at some point. I expect you'll ditch your OH as soon as you find a btletter model, right now it suits you to stay with him so that he can help bringing up the kids. The moment you don't need any longer, I'll be out of the way and he won't know what has happened to him.

Ahh an intensive driving course

I expect the money fairies that don’t exist for school shoes, adult meals, passports, holidays and rent on a 3 bed house but who exist for theme parks, fizzy pop, x boxes and butlins will be waving their magic wands for that one.

I've managed to miss this thread so far somehow.

OP, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm baffled that you continue to post. I don't know why you keep changing your name as it only takes 2 sentences to identify you.

I feel like the posters here know pretty much every detail about your life. You get continual advice that you ignore and must waste hours and hours on these threads.

If you focused this much on genuinely sorting life out for these girls everyone would be a whole lot happier.

I'm not sure it's really salvageable though.

@FrancisCrawford both boys would already be in bed anyways.. and we would happily get into bed and watch tele for them to be Able to go to sleep.

Yes we are saving for a intensive driving course, not saying it will be anytime soon. We aren't saving to take all the kidsndosneyland Paris anymore. We have chosen to do Butlin's with them all. But saving for intense course isn't the same as having to find the extra £125 every month for rent and there would be no point either until the courts agree overnight. But our solicitor has said that as we would are providing a adaquate bed for them in the lounge that it's still acceptable as many councils get their tenants to sleep in lounge and even make it into bedrooms if needed.

My partner went up on the train today to see the girls, and I am just about to leave to pick
Him up. She demanded he booked train tickets late and wouldn't allow him to drop girls back any earlier than 8.30 to get a decent time train. Once he booked she then smuggly told him that they were actually having a sleepover at his sisters and 'oh what a shame it would be that he still couldn't get earlier train as he had to book the latest one and will have to disturb the baby still if only she had told him before:' after that conversation I left him well alone ha.. he has had a nice dinner at his mums, they have cleared the air and she didn't realise how she was making me feel about my youngest and has apologised. She's also explained she hasn't taken us up on offer of babysitting as she is going to be helping out her daughter every day with childcare and she wants to take the opportunity to do so as it's the first time her daughter makes a effort to now see her: but she will arrange dates that she will have both the boys and we can plan around her. She will cook for us one of the Fridays each month as she will then get to also see the boys, as we are having to Change their nursery so both boys are free the Fridays. She's also apologised for letting the ex wife get into her head too much, he has shown her the messages and that today and she now sees what we are battling so has apologised. She is going to continue to help keep on top of their nits and manners when we aren't around.

OP, I'm not sure what you are battling but I've a good idea of what your DH's ex is up against.

Sue you probably want to read the thread and the many that have gone before (though it's tricky as OP name changes) to really get the gist.

Your threads always go like this- an answer for everything and then an update where whoever your latest nemesis is accepts total blame and you are of course vindicated. Often it is the ex, today it is the MIL. It's like each thread you're writing a story and then you bring the story to an end having it all work out in your favour. Until the next one of course where it'll be like half the stuff on this thread never happened. It's most odd.

Is this the poster whose partner left her 3/4 year old in a freezing cold bath? Same poster who’s parter was off his face at the park with the the DCs?

Why did he want to drop the girls off earlier than 8.30? If he's only seeing them once a fortnight he should want to spend as much time with them as possible (the sleepover is a red herring as he wanted to drop them off earlier before he knew about it). 8.30pm when they don't have to go to school the next day isn't late. Once again it's all about what suits you and him and not about them.

@IStandWithPosie no that is defiantly not us!

@fredleighton usually we drop the girls off for 8 not 8.30... and secondly as he had to get the train and we had to drag our baby out to collect him, a taxi was going to be £25 otherwise, it wasn't fair on the baby to be woken. He's got a horrid chest infection. So if we drop them off at 8 we are home by 10.., last night I had to collect him at 11.25 so we didn't get home until 11.45. If we knew they were staying at his sisters he could have booked the slightly earlier train. They still got their contact day so that's all that matters. Theybwouldnt have know if he drops them back earlier or later than before. It's trying to make it fair on everyone

Otherwise he could have got the 7.45 train and then he would have been back in by 9.30 to train station and my mum would have picked him up for us so would have been better on the baby. But let's not forget they should all have to suffer for the girls :( it was trying to be fair on everyone. Plus I was in at work at 6am after not getting home
Until 11.45 and then settling baby back to sleep took a hour x

How are you going to find the extra every month for his car insurance when he passes his test? You know your insurance will go up significantly once you have him on it, because he’s a new driver.

Omg. Grow up! If he was seeing the girls late he could of just kipped on his mum's sofa and then come home in the morning.
The girls should come first after how you've treated them.
You're pathetic

I do feel for you having to take the baby out if he's unwell. But once again it always seems to be other people who have to step up, including you, not your DP.

Couldn't he stay overnight at his mum's house when he goes to visit his girls and come back on Saturday morning? That would save you having to take the children out late at night. If not, isn't there a bus, even if he has to change and take more than one bus, that he can get home. He's an adult, it's possible and it doesn't matter how late he's home.

He couldn't stay at his mums. I started work at 6am today so he needed to be here to have the baby whilst I was at work. Otherwise he would have stayed st his mums. All week I tried to change my shift so he could have stayed at his mums last night but there was no one to cover. Unfortunately he left it last minute (less than a week) to try and change the day with the ex. And our Rota is done in advance.

@FrancisCrawford the 10 year old is happy to snuggle into her bed with her tablet anyways. When they stayed in the past she usually asks to go bed at 8pm to watch her tablet.

Well that’s what happens. Actions have consequences. And he fucked the ex around for years. So she fucks with him when she can. Can’t you see that?