Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

All these holidays and trips and days out of a couple who only work part time each of them, have no money to pay for school shoes and expect a 10 year old and 7 year old to be grateful for school shoes, buy expensive castle beds for one child and put the others in a cupboard, and constantly have to borrow money from relatives because they move house at the drop of a hat/need a lend for rent/deposit/guarantor.

It's a whole different world.

When she was first born and had the first shunt fitted it failed two weeks later and stopped draining. She then had another one done and since then has had no issue.

Mym gave me the money to spend on whatever holiday I wanted, she wanted us to go abroad as she knew my eldest loves planes and it's what we have always been use to growing up.

One of us always works full time and one of us always works part time. So we aren't both prt time.

He does 30 hours a week and he's cutting them down. You do part time - 20 hours. You're on an 8 hour contract, he's on a zero hours.

You really do have an answer for everything.

You and he are shocking. What's the reason you don't be adults and actually live within your means and provide for yourselves and your children without assistance from outsiders?

You still haven't answered the discrepancy in the story about your mum and the money. One minute it's money for you to spend on whatever you like, the next minute it's money that is only for a foreign holiday.

Or the discrepancy where you state on one thread that neither of you have CCJ's, but then on here blast his mum for not being your guarantor when it's "her son's CCJ's that made us need one". Although that thread also says she can't be your guarantor.

Don't tell me he lied to you about his CCJ's?

But you were in Menorca last year, when he lied to his daughters that he was ill. So it's not as if you are deprived of holidays abroad. I'm astonished that your mother funds this nonsense, surely she can't think much of your partner as a parent? My family would be so upset if I got with somebody who treated his kids like that and they would be furious at me for facilitating it.

That thread says your mum can't be guarantor, but on here you've implied she is

My stepdad is the guarantor.. but there money is joint so count them as a pair. My mum was just short to be the guarantor.

He thought his CCJ had expired however we have since found out that it hasn't. Both him
And his ex got quite a few over the years. She was as reckless as him with money: they were both guilty, he gambled yes but then when his wages got paid into her account she would go out and not pay the bills. So this is why I take the full control.

My familybdont see it as us not coping and providing. We pay all our bills on time however can't afford ourselves treats holidays etc.. so my parents pay for it. Like their parents did when they were first starting out. It's what families do for each other, if they can afford to do it why shouldn't they is there opinion. Most of my friend circle have parents who do the same, I just think jealousy is a bad thing.

Bingo! I knew the ex would be at fault.

That poor man your mother is married to is a fool you're rinsing him for a clean fortune.

You still haven't answered the discrepancy in the story about your mum and the money. One minute it's money for you to spend on whatever you like, the next minute it's money that is only for a foreign holiday.

Nor have you answered this What's the reason you don't be adults and actually live within your means and provide for yourselves and your children without assistance from outsiders?

You let your parents pay for an awful lot. Holidays into the thousands, £200 a month to the pair of you for "fun money" - are you declaring that to HMRC on your tax credits by the way? - day trips out to Alton Towers and help with Butlins never mind foreign trips.

But he was a sahp and didn't get wages.

You can't actually think anyone here is jealous of your set up?

Why would I be jealous of some woman who is with a feckless gambling cocklodger, who she had to phone the police over last year at christmas and get him put out, he fobbs his kids off and lies about injuries, dosses at home deliberately pulling the wool over people's eyes re claiming to have depression, spends hundreds on coke and games for a fucking ps-whatever or x-box and can't be trusted with 2p, oh and doesn't even drive and works part time hours and has to get her mother and step dad to pay for her rent, deposit and guarantee her accommodation?

Your family are facilitating you both in neglecting his children too then if they think his behaviour is acceptable and constantly reward you both financially. If your mother actually gave you £1200 with the instructions not to include his kids, then it's clear to see where you get your callousness from. You all deserve each other and the ex, his girls and your MIL are better off 2 hours away from you all.

Not really my step dad pays the same for his kids as he does up.. they are still
Young enough to go on holiday with them, so we get it to go on our own. I'm not saying jealous of my setup.. I'm saying that if people's families were in a position they can afford to do it for them then they would accept it..: but because they don't can't or won't suddenly jrs wrong and it's just showing green eyed monster.

As it's money from parents I wouldn't
Have to declare to tax credits as it's not a income.. my step brothers get £200 a month, as do I and my sister is too.

Yes he was a stay at home parent from when they were born, when they were at school he use to work durn the school days but was still the one to so school drop of and pick up and everything at home.

And are his kids in their 20's and 30's with families of their own?

Well, I can assure you, I'm far from jealous of you.

And the fact that your stepfather treats you and your sister so well, only makes the way you and your partner treat those little girls all the more sickening.

You always talk about how he was a SAHP and did everything for them as if it makes him sound better. It doesn't. It makes his abandonment of them even worse.

Why doesn't your partner learn to drive? I feel like that would solve alot of your problems.

Your ristricted on where you can live because he needs to be walking or pushbike distance from his work. So you have to have a two bed place which isn't practical for having sc stay. You have to drive him to pick up girls because the trains are long and expensive.

So why not sack of the holiday and get him a drivers licence.

Oh there will be a reason why he can’t drive. It’ll be to do with all the coke he drinks making him upset and stressed. Or he will be unable to do lessons because his ex won’t let him and the girls asked for snacks the same as no1 son - the nerve of them.

There will be no way there is any of the magic money tree pot available for the DP to learn to drive. The op for some crazy reason needs to keep her prize depending on her. Driving would give him way more freedom than is acceptable.

We have just got his driving licence provisional.. and we are saving to do it as week intense course instead of doing it weekly. He did do it weekly about 8 years ago, and he would rather do it as a intense course... so we are doing that: I would much rather he can drive as then we aren't restricted when we go out to me always being the one having a soft drink etc. X

What type of adult accepts 200 quid off their parents!