Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

And if she invited us in holiday and not my eldest I would either pay for his place myself or I wouldn't go but accept it's one of those things. I just don't want my youngest feeling he is resented by his nan because she won't do for him what she does for the girls.

Your partner was invited on holiday but not his other children. He couldn’t pay for them to go himself, but instead of not going he chose to go. The girls will resent their dad because he won’t do for them what he does for the boys.

Why do you have such low standards for him? Surely you want a partner who has the same values as you?

What happened to the accommodation that comes with your new management job?

Oh yeah, the accommodation with the 35k a year job that will be free including all bills? What about that OP?

I see from your posts that you were only told you were being evicted on 22nd October. That's very fast to have moved and everything. also, if you had stuck it out and waited the council would have helped you with accommodation.

You seem to make very rash and impulsive decisions, that ultimately end up being poor ones.

One of the girls is 10. Imagine sleeping on an air bed and having no privacy when she's on her period or something.

I don't even believe a thing you post now op. You're clearly getting off on the reaction you get here

The job with accommodation I have stated before would be once I take the assistant managers job (He leaves this month) and then fill that position for 6 months to gain the necessary training. Until then my wage as said previously will be £21000 which is that stepping stone to getting the accomodation and 35k.

@ghostsandghoulies no matter where she wouldn't have the privacy as if she had a room she would still be sharing with her sister. And after speaking to my partner the sleeping arrangements aren't a issue for the ex wife as when her step kids visit they go from having seperate rooms to the eldest sleeping on a blow up bed in the youngest room with her step daughter, as the step son has the eldest daughters bedroom.

Yes we moved quickly, but I wanted the boys settled before Christmas and us not be stressing when we would be served the section 21 for the council. Plus as much as it would be beneficial for us; I always believe everyone should try to rent privately instead of instantly relying on the council. We looked and found somewhere which then gives the spot we would have used to someone else who may not be so lucky to be able to afford private renting or have someone to guarantor and lend the deposit etc.

But how could you have moved as fast as you did? You would have had minimum a month's notice to give where you were?

You have to understand that time moves very differently for the op than in the rest of the universe. Remember that over the course of a month her dp had to move out into somewhere of his own to understand how to be self sufficient.

The had their benefits sorted accordingly-except they didn't tell the ex as she would go mad apparently.

In that month he obviously learned everything that was to learn about independence as he was back in their home when we blinked. This was an eternity before the eviction notice, probably at least two weeks!

Not to mention that turning up to contact 3 times in a row equates to 'he's been making an effort for months now, everybody needs to move on' in OP's time zone.

@FrancisCrawford there would be no room
To put boys in with us. We have just enough room to walk around the bed... and yes we will be able to have a house after the 6 months once we find the right pub.

@Innocentconglomeration we have had to pay rent on both properties for this month. The agency asked landlord to hold it for a month and he wouldn't. So we have taken the house on the 20th November and have given our notice 19th November as this was our rent date for old house. Plus gives us a month to sort out last few bits to get deposit back x

Your partner could sleep on the sofa and the boys go in your bed with you. Or you and your partner could take blow up bed in the living room and give them your bed. Or time contact when your eldest is with his Dad since he hates them so much and the girls could go in with your youngest. Plenty of ways around it if you actually wanted a solution.

So you're planning to run and live in a pub? Is that wise with all that fizzy pop on tap?

Haha, that's why her partner sticks around, free coke!

So you will be working all weekend and not available to drive your partner to pick up and return the girls and he will have to manage 4 kids. I can't see that happening.

How will you manage the split shifts and early morning dray deliveries? As a pub manager, you will be working at least 60 hrs a week in my experience. Likely more. Especially as a live in.

Your DP is a useful as a chocolate teapot, you have a very young son to wrangle, an older son who still needs care, two step daughters who need to be driven around from 2 hours away...

I bet it has not been thought through in the slightest.

I stopped reading after page 4 but will go back and read.

You can’t leave a child out of a holiday due to disability! That’s absolutely ridiculous. My DD has a disability and yes it costs me and arm and a leg to take her on holiday but she’s family so I do it.

And I doubt you’ll get overnights particularly without proper rooms when one child has a disability. My DDs dad took me to court but was told he could only have a few hours a week because he doesn’t have a proper bed for her.

And I’m not surprised MIL prioritises her Granddaughters over your sons it’s clear you and your OH don’t care about them at all so she’s stepping up where her son stepped down.

Why are you waking your 4 year old in the middle of the night to take him to work? I assume he starts school soon and you won’t be able to do that then as he’ll be exhausted. This just gets more silly the more I read.

Haha, that's why her partner sticks around, free coke!

😂

I don't understand the way you think and do things. I really don't. I've tried, but I don't.

I don't know how you think you're going to run a pub and have a baby and another child, and your partner is going to sally hundreds of miles away every other weekend for access. Friday night and Sunday tea time in a pub will be the busy times, surely? How's he going to get to and from with the kids?

Rent for both places wow how the other half live! Hahahaha
I thought he had to find the money to but his girls gifts as you had sorted your boys alone.
£700 for two places, money for court wait isn't that about £1100 enough to take the girls?
Keep up OP you getting confused with all your lies.

Court will be £215 for the hearing plus solicitors costs on top, so at least £1k there without mediation which they will expect you to try first.

My pay rise to 21000 is from this month, and he will then be reducing hours but we will still be paying her the same in maintenance. Plus my partner was a stay at home dad for the girls so he will be more than happy doing the childcare at home. And if you have a good assistant manager in place (once I become general manager) then I can do the same as my current GM and work 48 hours a week which is the contract. He has two kids aswell and his kids never have missed out.

Moving wise my parents have paid the first months rent on the new house and the deposit until we get our deposit back from the old house when we give the keys back.

Our current general manager has Friday nights and Sunday nights off as the Sunday lunches are busier... so yes I would be able to take the time off EOW to take them home and collect them.

@TwistedStitch No I can't do it around my sons contact as he goes on a Tuesday to his dads and the girls we have weekends.