Should I feel like this?

[Rubyandmillie1]

I met my partner 4 years ago, I knew he had a son and it didn’t faze me because I absolutely love my partner to pieces.
His son who’s 14, stays every other weekend.
We have a baby who is 10months and it’s definitely worse since they arrived as I just don’t see his son and never will see him as part of MY family but I understand he is my partners family.
He is polite, stays out the way most of the weekend in his room playing PlayStation so we don’t really see him much.
BUT I dread the weekend he’s coming over, I find it such an inconvenience, I try and plan things for the weekend he’s coming over so we see him even less or I go out so I don’t even have to be in the house.
I cannot wait for the day he doesn’t want to stay over anymore and hopefully just pops over ‘occasionally’.

I know I’ll get hate about this but it’s the way I feel. Anyone have similar?

battleax are you in the group?

Someone must be. Everyone on the MN spin off groups seems to know what goes on there.

(Pictures of stepchildren’s underwear shared for derision. “Why are BMs such twats?” That kind of thing.)

Well i am actually in a group on fb but it can't be that one because I have never seen any underwear.

Ps, some mum's are twats.

I’ll see if I can dig out a screenshot if you’re worried (?)

Worried?

Yeah you know, concerned.

About what?

I thought you introduced your group into it because you were concerned that they were one and the same?

I'm pretty sure they're not by the sound of It!

I think you resent that step son exists. You wish your partner had never married. You can't erase the future. You may not want to be a step mum, but you are. If you choose to disengage then you will be a poor stepmum. People still have relationships with their adult children - in fact it will be different. In 10 years time you could be visiting his house to meet his children and helping with his wedding.

Whats the facebook group called?

The main reason why your post is sad is because your stepson seems like a decent person and is polite and stays out of the way. I can fully admit that I don't like my stepson at all, but it's not his fault. His mother treats people badly and so he treats people badly. I did disengage for two years from him. Not only because he was really mean to everyone around him, but also because he was falsely accusing his father and myself of abuse and neglect, while we had our own child. However, he has my son as a half brother and no matter what, they will have some sort of relationship. So what did I do? Well, I realised I'm the adult and need to set the example. And that's what I do. I do leave my husband to have his weekend with his son and we did agree on schedules (ie I would go out of the house with baby and do our thing). That helps, as he doesn't feel that his time with his father is taken away from him. Secondly, when he is jealous of things that my son does that his lazy mother won't even think about, I help and plan this so his father can take him to do activities. For me, this has formed an easier relationship with my stepson. He respects me more because he knows I think of him and do things for him. I also praise him when he is good and show him respect. What this does for me? It shows my husband love. It also is my defence when my stepson is mean. He still is mean to people a lot. It's never easy being around him. But, you can't stop your stepson having a relationship with your child. Look, I don't know if you are reading this, but I hope this helps. I felt the same way you do. I still do, but, be the bigger person. I found I felt better, lighter and happier when I show my stepson compassion and try and help him because his mother refuses to. I feel horrible when I'm hateful towards him. I may not love or like him, but I can show him respect and caring. In my opinion, I'm hoping that one day I could like him again. That we may forge something. In turn, it also stops him resenting or being mean to my son. If he's mean to me, the only person that people are angry at is him, not me. And if he is mean to me and I have been consistently respectful, my own son will look up to me as the example and not him in those circumstances. But also the bottom line, what do you want to be seen as? How would you feel if your husband gave up on his son after meeting someone new? For me, I love my husband more because he puts so much effort into everyone. I would think he was a horrible man if he didn't stand up to his responsibilities. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. But the only person that can change is you. Change your thinking. Not for even the boy's sake, but for your sanity. Hate and resentment does nothing for you. It just keeps you up at night and eats away at you. I'm not a great stepmother. My DH's son is only with us EOWE. But I can at least be kind in my husband and my own son's eyes and feel happier for being a decent person.

Let’s not stand on ceremony, despite the fact this boy has done absolutely nothing to you, you dislike him. The “ he stays in bed until 12noon and stops us doing activities because of it” it’s bs. If this was your kid, you wouldn’t be that bothered about him being in bed until 12noon.
I was a teen and did this. It’s normal behaviour . You don’t even seem to be making an effort.
Just remember, what goes around, comes around.
Judging by sever threads on MN, many couples split up. If that happens to you and your DP, another woman might feel the same way about your little one.
Soon enough, he will not be present to ruin your family time.
I would break up with anyone who regards my child as “not part of the family”.

mountaingirl220 That what flames me. So many people complain about SS or SD who are not so nice and to discipline children can be hard, specially if they aren’t yours children. This boy however, seems quite placid and it just looks like she isn’t even trying. Many step mums out there do an amazing just and would be fortunate to have him. Just imagine all the this they could do as SM and SC. Watching movies, talk .
But this woman is sour 😜