OH favouring his kids from previous relationships

[BobaFett86]

Am I being totally unreasonable here? My partner seems to think so! He has 2 kids by 2 different women. I think he keeps favouring his other kids above our 5 week old baby.
We broke up while I was 7 months pregnant because all we did was argue. He kept on prioritising his exes. They said jump, he said how high! He hasn't bought a single thing for our baby, yet has been giving his exes double the amount of expected child support.
We decided to get back together when our baby was born. But he still seems more concerned about his previous relationships/children. He arranged to have his kids for the weekend when our baby was just 2 days old, yet it wasn't even his weekend to have them! 5 weeks on, and he still hasn't given me a penny towards our baby. Yet I've had to give him money for travel fare so he can visit his other kids.
And now I am furious because this week I made plans with him to visit me and our baby (again, gave him travel fare money to make sure he could get here ok) and yet twice in 3 days, he has bailed on us, just so he can have his eldest daughter instead!! When I moaned at him about it, he accused me of trying to make him reject his daughter for my own gain!! And said that his ex 'needs' him to help her out with everything, even though she has a fiance who lives with her.
I also have a 4 year old from a previous relationship, and my OH always puts her down when she does something wrong. "My kids would never do that. I won't let you see them again because I don't want them picking up your bad behaviour" is a prime example of what he always says.
Apparently I 'cant handle' the fact that he has other kids. Am I in the wrong here?

[mouldycheesefan]

Sigh. Blaming the exes. It would all be fine if it weren't for them.

Some things you can tell people, some things they have to find out for themselves.

[CRazzyyAce]

The problem is the exs of course 😆Even though you dp is the common denominator righto you actually sound pretty vile to be so grudging to is other DC your just as much to blame as him I feel sorry for your DD that you would not send him packing the moment he was off with her.

[BobaFett86]

Some people really don't read the whole story obviously!
I have welcomed his other children into my home and looked after them as my own.
Apart from the past 4 weeks, his exes have received child support for their kids. I've not had a penny. And I've paid for the buggy, cot, clothing, etc, all by myself.

My OH has three children. He should be splitting his time and his money between them as fairly as possible.

His exes however, are trying to get him to pay less for the other kids so they have more money for themselves.

And rather than have a schedule that is suitable and in the best interest of the children, his exes only let him see his kids when it fits around their social lives. And threaten to cease contact if he doesn't drop everything and have the kids when they want to go out.

But obviously I'm the bad person in all of this!!

[BobaFett86]

Our relationship was fine before. The problems started as soon as the exes found out about my pregnancy

[CRazzyyAce]

This situation is what happens when men have children with various men and can support them properly. You sound jealous that they get support but what did you expect really given the circumstances. It's up to there their shedules for access and it might suit the children just because it doesn't suit you, they might have other commitments should as work to accomadate access around that but believe me they have not got it easy nor have those poor DC to know their father went from woman to woman and can hold down a long term relationship without adding another child into the equation.

[Marmalade85]

OP why shouldn't he have paid above the child maintenance requirements? My ex only pays me £64 per week as stated by child maintenance because he also has another child he pays maintenance for. Do you think that is enough? It doesn't even cover one day of childcare.

[CRazzyyAce]

Women even"

[stitchglitched]

His exes are fighting for their children. Good for them. It's a pity you don't have the same priorities and put this loser over the wellbeing of your daughter.

[IzzyIsBusy]

I still cant get over the fact he is intimidated by a 4 yo

I would never let a man talk to or teat my child in such away.
You do realise he is blaming a 4 yo for how he feels

Huge red flag. Massive.

[BobaFett86]

How would I be jealous of him supporting his other kids? I encourage him to support the kids and regularly plan days out with his kids included.
I am trying to make everything as fair as possible and do what is best for the children.
None of the kids should be prioritised above the others.
The exes don't have commitments that childcare needs to revolve around. It comes down to what they want, when they want.
I believe the children should have a proper routine for spending time with their father, so it doesn't confuse them.
As for his sons mum, she has openly admitted to secretly coming off the pill to intentionally fall pregnant so she can claim benefits.

[cannotlogin]

Ah....greedy ex, jealous of new partner, rich new partners of the ex, messing about with contact, deliberate pregnancy, benefits....BINGO!

[CRazzyyAce]

Look stop bashing the mums your DP is a waste of space period. Your no better than they are, you coming off worse the more you post. No none of the kids have been prioritised mainly your DP, he should in the words of Jeremy Kyle put something on the end of it, in this day and age with contraception it shouldn't just happen. What on earth have these children going know to grow up thinking and your poor DD getting berated by your DP!

You knew the situation prior you weren't blind to it you foolishly got pregnant why are not you surprised they aren't happy I wouldn't either they been let doing the lions share of looking after children whilst he does his oats else where it's pretty appalling when you stand back and look at the full picture. How do you think these children are going to feel when they get older, embrassed ashamed etc believe me they feel it when there dad has another gold with someone else.

These mums are caring for your DP DC they deserve a break and the children deserve time with their DF it's nothing to do with you. It's as if access is almost begrudged for them.

[IzzyIsBusy]

As for his sons mum, she has openly admitted to secretly coming off the pill to intentionally fall pregnant so she can claim benefits.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Even if tbat were true the man has control over his own contreception.

I suppose she told you this did she?

[BobaFett86]

How am I blaming my daughter for how my OH feels?
I put my foot down, and he hasn't spoken to her badly since. He knows it was awful to treat her that way and has changed his attitude.
I just said that I THINK he feels intimidated by her. His eldest daughter is very quiet in comparison to my daughter, who is a bit of a handful and very difficult to handle. He has definitely struggled to deal with such a high maintenance child.
I've made it perfectly clear that I will not tolerate him talking to her badly again.

[mouldycheesefan]

So are you letting him move in and are you continuing a relationship with him?

[BobaFett86]

I do not want him living here at this point. I just want everyone to come together to be civil and work as a team to do what is fair for all of the kids.
But I doubt the exes will ever be prepared to resolve the issues. And I imagine my OH will continue to do as his exes want.
So it appears there will be another kid growing up in a broken home.

[stitchglitched]

So in the OP he 'always puts your daughter down' but after being criticised on this thread for putting him ahead of your daughter, suddenly he has changed his attitude and doesn't do it anymore. And of course his evil ex tricked him to get pregnant, still didn't teach him to use condoms though did it since he has another unplanned baby straight after. You sound ridiculous, the common denominator here is your sperminator boyfriend yet everyone is to blame except him.

[IzzyIsBusy]

So it appears there will be another kid growing up in a broken home.

Sadly same as his other 2 children.

There is nothing about this man which is good or appealing.

[BobaFett86]

He did rubber up with me but it split. I was also using contraception. It just happened. But I have a beautiful daughter. Regardless of the shitty situation I'm delighted to have my baby.
He wasn't using condoms with his sons mum as he had been with her for over two years and he believed she was on the pill. They broke up because she had been cheating on him.
Again, I cannot stress enough, things were good up until the point where he told his exes that he was going to be a father again. It all went downhill from there. I broke up with him, and while we were apart, he has tried to better himself, so we tried to patch things up.
But now his exes are telling him to have the kids when they know he has arranged to spend time with the baby. And he's stupid enough to go running instead of working with them to stick to an appropriate schedule.

[RepentAtLeisure]

He has three dc's by three different women, and he thinks he has the right to treat you badly because of his previous life choices. Move on. Stop letting him guilt you into subsidizing his life, and set about claiming child support for your dc. This whole mess won't get resolved. It sounds like he may be a better father when the relationship door is closed.

[RepentAtLeisure]

*Actually I should have rtwft before commenting, sorry! So he sees his kids because he wants to stay around his ex's. That makes him an even worse catch.

[BobaFett86]

To be fair, alot of these comments are unnecessary and missing the point. Yes, he has kids from previous relationship, which were unhappy ones, hence why they ended.

When we got together, we were madly in love and wanted a future together. He treated me, and my daughter well. And I got along well with his kids. We were looking forward to being one big happy family.

But since revealing my pregnancy, it all turned to shit. Putting blame aside, I spent the several months going through hell. I've had to deal with watching the man I love turn into a complete prick, and jump hoops for nasty women who cannot accept that he has moved on.

He has been trying to get things back to how they were. But the problems with the exes has just worsened. So what am I meant to do? Sit back and allow him to give all of his money to his exes? And have him bail on my baby because his exes only want him to have contact when it is on our terms?
Meanwhile I get left to financially struggle and have to explain to my child that daddy had to cancel coz he chose to see his other kids instead?

[PatriciaHolm]

I think he's playing you all off against each other. I don't suppose you are being told half of the truth about the conversations he has with the exes, and I suspect they are getting a whole load of "she trapped me into having a baby!" guff about you. Hence everyone hates everyone else and he's the poor hapless sod in the middle trying to keep all the harpies happy...

[IzzyIsBusy]

I will say it again.


The fault lies with him and only him.
You a so focused on blaming the mean exes you are missing his part in all this.