Honestly, this board is not a nice place

[TheMumsRush]

Sick of goady fuckers, trolls and people coming to bash SM from all angles! Some of the "advise" is shocking. If you try it's "step back, not your kids!" But if you don't it's "you're cold and the kids know it". And god forbid you just have a rant that you can't in RL. I see the same posters with the same SM hating shite!

I'm not saying people have to be stepmoms to post on here, it's sometimes good to get other perspectives. But just posting to give the stepmum a good kicking is what I'm talking about. Some comments are shocking and could never be seen as advice, good or bad.

I'm a lovely SM.

Just so's everyone knows....

I bet you are

And you too,The.

None of us set out to be bad 'uns, I'm sure.

Mehsmum maybe have a look at some of the threads on the step board, that would give you some idea of how posters feel about their step kids, there's definitely a spectrum of different viewpoints.

I suppose it would be tactless to tell Mehsmum what the thread that kicked the stepwars off was called?

I love my dc's step Mum. I would trust her with their lives. She is a far better parent than my ex and I don't thing the dc would have such a good relationship with their df if it wasn't for their step mum. I'm genuinely very grateful she came along.

I love reading posts like that calamity

I think a lot of the time it's due to
Disney parenting, i'm not saying it's right but that's what I see most of the time. And sometimes it can take a while to realise that's what it is.

I agree Mums I came here for advice etc but for fear of being called all sorts, abused on a forum I keep quite.
We are Mums/ step Mums not bloody angels who at times are at the end of our tethers PLUS it really gets to me when Mum's wade in with absolutely no concept of how damn hard it is to be a step Mum!!

Stepwars....Sounds like a game show
I wonder what the grand prize would be?

Calamity that's lovely.

I love reading posts like that calamity

Me too

I'm not a SM but this came up in active convos. It's a shame but stuff similar to this is ending up in closed Facebook groups in order to avoid the goady fuckers. Which means that new SMs will not find them when looking for support.

But Tutt how do you know who is and isn't a SM?

I am genuinely curious on this point.

People have told me a few times now that I'm not when they don't like my POV, and I can never tell if it is just that they disliked my advice, or that they know from my posting history that I am divorced from DSCs dad, or that they are just assuming...

Tutt how do you know what experience of families with step parents have? I think that's what creates tension, this "you couldn't possible understand so don't bother posting" attitude. I find that seems to be an umbrella phrase to use against anyone who disagrees with a step parent. It is tough of course it is but it doesn't mean the rules of basic decency towards children do not apply. I've seen some terrible things said about step kids on here but the second a posters says anything they're shut down with the "you don't understand" "unsupportive" "attacking" accusations. I have seen that countless times on this board.

And to balance that Calamity, I will say I love my DSS's mum! She is lovely, and I am actually really happy that she is in my life. I feel I have gained extra family in her, her DH and their DC. She has never done ANYTHING annoying or interfering in the five years I have known her.

I'd like to clarify I don't believe only stepparents can post on this board, but I do believe it's wrong to come on this board, seek out dare I say solely to derail threads and to put down stepparents.

Absolutey agree Mumsrush. Really curious to know hich threads you mean, actually.

As a single parent I really appreciate having their SM's input. My dc are teenagers now and she knows them very well. I feel like she genuinely loves them and she backs me up when the dc are playing up. It's like my dc have 3 parents, 3 people who are looking out for them, and that's a good thing for my dc.

(I know you can't say on thread- just expressing curiousity)

Riverboat, that's really good to hear.

curiosity*

I stopped posting in step-parents over a year ago as it was getting far too abrasive.
I'm a step mum that has had a very positive experience. I love my step children very much & know they love me. We have always got along with DH's ex wife & her partner. I've had no hesitation over the years about contacting her if there has been a problem with one of the children (obv if DH wasn't there) & vice versa.
Now they are older we all go to milestone birthdays, graduations & more recently a wedding. There is no competition & without wishing to sound too gushing we all have had the children's welfare uppermost in our minds & it payed off.

Naturally there were trying times & times I could have cheerfully away but I'm so very, very glad I didn't.

I think there is a clear difference between disagreeing with a poster and just having a go for the sake of it. The are you the OW comment is a clear example of nasty for nasty's sake.

punys comment is also a good example. It brought nothing to the thread and was not even funny.