Honestly, this board is not a nice place

[TheMumsRush]

Sick of goady fuckers, trolls and people coming to bash SM from all angles! Some of the "advise" is shocking. If you try it's "step back, not your kids!" But if you don't it's "you're cold and the kids know it". And god forbid you just have a rant that you can't in RL. I see the same posters with the same SM hating shite!

Perp? Perp? Can you read me come in Perp???

You have hidden me already

She has role reversed so the sympathy is with her as the ill, struggling etc - when the reality is so different.

Not in RL, though. Only here in her MN persona, which is different from her RL experiences. She has created an online identity, with supporting characters, and she has used some of your real experiences and situations to define that.

I have learnt from some of the posts - about how people react to the situations presented and how I have been vilified.

But it's not you that has been vilified. You are identifying with a fictional character that DCs stepmum has created. It's not you.

Your exH may well be a waste of space, he may well be letting your DCs down, but that is unrelated to your DCs stepmums fantasy online life. Of course, his failings as a husband/partner may well be contributing to her need to create a "online life".

It's not unusual for regular posters on boards like MN to be posting from the perspective of a fictional character they have created, including charricatures of other people in their life. . What's more unusual is for one of those "charricatures" to discover it, recognise themselves and take the responses from other posters to heart.
This is not about you, whatever - it is a fantasy that meets the emotional needs of your DCs stepmum right now.

This is not about you, whatever - it is a fantasy that meets the emotional needs of your DCs stepmum right now.

An online fantasy life about real people is going too far though, isn't it?

An online fantasy life about real people is going too far though, isn't it?

If it's not an accurate description of a RL person, then it's not about that person, is it?

whatever has stumbled across a fictional scenario - her DCs stepmum has created an online character for herself based on whatevers own life experiences! and is portraying the mother of that characters DSC as very different from the person that whatever actually is.
No names are used, it's an anonymous forum, so whatever is not being misrepresented in any way to anyone.

It's curious whatever21 that she would post about scenarios that are yours but claims them as her own thus getting sympathy for them.

Surely that is just achieving sympathy and understanding for you and your situation which presumably is the opposite of what she would actually like?

I don't get it.

whatever has stumbled across a fictional scenario - her DCs stepmum has created an online character for herself based on whatevers own life experiences! and is portraying the mother of that characters DSC as very different from the person that whatever actually is.

Well quite. The details are identifable as being those that apply to whatever's life. So not really 'fictional' at all.

I think I'd find that quite creepy and disturbing.

I do admire the lengths you go to to defend the 'outliers' Wakey, I really do, but this is quite extreme behaviour and hopefully not remotely representative of what goes on on the board. It certainly isn't representative of SMs is it?

I think I'd find that quite creepy and disturbing.

I find it quite creepy and disturbing that a regular MN poster views the "accidental" discovery of another users identity as a fortuitous opportunity.

I do admire the lengths you go to to defend the 'outliers' Wakey, I really do, but this is quite extreme behaviour and hopefully not remotely representative of what goes on on the board. It certainly isn't representative of SMs is it?

I'm not defending anyone - I'm not suggesting it is behaviour I would engage in myself, but this is "representative" of what goes on all over the internet. Forums and chat rooms always have a proportion of "fantasists" who create online lives, often based on experiences of other that they observe in RL. Nothing wrong with that, the whole principle behind MN and other forums invites that kind of escape for those who need it.
I don't know the statistics, but I'm pretty certain on a forum like MN, there'll be more than one regular SM poster whose posts are fictional, all be it based on experiences in RL.

It's a very odd thing to do Whatever and I'd be really wary of someone who felt the need to use a support forum to get support for a situation that isn't theirs.

It's also not fair on the posters here who give their time and energy to someone who isn't actually experiencing the scenario from the point of view they are posting from.

I find it quite creepy and disturbing that a regular MN poster views the "accidental" discovery of another users identity as a fortuitous opportunity.

But surely anything that alerts you to the fact that someone is indulging in stalkerish, disturbed, 'single white female' behaviour is relation to you IS fortuitous? She is wise to be on guard, no?

I'm not defending anyone

Oh right. It did sound (to me) as though you were.

there'll be more than one regular SM poster whose posts are fictional, all be it based on experiences in RL.

I think if someone is regularly doing that (not just altering details to preserve anonymity or -god forbid- a creative writer lengthily testing a plot) then that is probably a sign that they are unwell or in very deep distress, isn't it?

BillyNacho's point is fair too; It is almost fraudelent to accept the support and emotional energy of other posters under false pretences. (Trollish even).

Anyway, apologies for discussing your situation 'in front of you' like that whatever. Has it stopped? I don't envy you one bit.

It is almost fraudelent to accept the support and emotional energy of other posters under false pretences

And there have been cases where a "fantasy" has led to gifts, money and time being willingly given to a poster - in that case, it is fraud.

I'm old and cynical and can remember the media outcry a few years ago when a popular and well known poster on an Internet forum (don't think it was MN, but it might have been) was "exposed" as a fantasist (can't remember all the details, I'm afraid). Since then, social media and forums have multiplied hugely and it's no longer newsworthy because it's not an unusual event.

There are clear warnings on the board, reminding people not to invest more emotional energy than they are prepared to lose, because not everything is as it seems on the internet.

I think if someone is regularly doing that (not just altering details to preserve anonymity or -god forbid- a creative writer lengthily testing a plot) then that is probably a sign that they are unwell or in very deep distress, isn't it?

Not necessarily - for some it is a form of harmless entertainment in the same way as Farmville or Candycrush (showing my age again). This is, primarily, a leisure activity.

Not necessarily - for some it is a form of harmless entertainment in the same way as Farmville or Candycrush (showing my age again). This is, primarily, a leisure activity.

What? Board regular? Fake backstory? Fictional dilemmas. The mind boggles

What? Board regular? Fake backstory? Fictional dilemmas. The mind boggles

Sounds a lot like the SIM games that absorb so many peoples time, doesn't it!?!

Hell, let's all join in. I've had such a dull week.

I'm just jaw-dropped at your assertion that there's no harm in spinning based-on-RL fantasies, Wakey.

Playing some online game as a purple dwarf on Planet Zarg is an overt fantasy. It has boundaries. It's hard to confuse the orange talking cabbage with your RL next door neighbour.

The behaviour posters describe above doesn't have boundaries. The fantasist often treats people in RL as if the fantasy is true (as whatever's fantasist seems to). Even if some part of the fantasist silently acknowledges it isn't all true, they still use the validation gained to help them carry on with their real actions in RL.

Eg "DH is an abuser, MN told me so because I posted that he swore at me. I didn't mention, and have myself forgotten, that I was hitting him with a frying pan at the time."

Online escape: lovely for escapist.

Blurring of reality: not so lovely for RL everyone else.

I'm just jaw-dropped at your assertion that there's no harm in spinning based-on-RL fantasies, Wakey.

Recover that dropped jaw, pausing - I dint say it was harmless, I said some people view it as a form of harmless entertainment. As you say, it can be damaging to others, particularly if they are overly invested.

'Forums and chat rooms always have a proportion of "fantasists" who create online lives, often based on experiences of other that they observe in RL. Nothing wrong with that' by you just a few hours ago, Wakey.

Bloody hell, now I'm doing the he-said-she-said.

You go on about overly invested all the time Wakey. What do you class as overly invested?

I don't know what "overly invested" means either.

The projecting of the fantasies is something the fantasist does to other people. They don't have to be engaged at all to be on the receiving end. In fact, the first they know of it may be when the police turn up at the door to investigate the allegation of abuse, for example.

I suppose I'm referring to section of MN Talk Guidelines that states that;

we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

If you as a poster would feel aggrieved to discover that you have given time and energy to someone who "isn't actually experiencing the scenario from the pov they are posting from" then that is exactly what MN is cautioning against.

But you accused Ncki of it the other day. She was not offering financial support only advice and discussion. In fact you had posted just as much on that thread as she did yet you accused her of being overly invested. I wasn't asking what MNHQ guidelines are I was asking YOU what you see as overly invested as you band it about quite a bit and accuse posters of it.

That doesn't address the harm caused by RL actions.

I feel quite dizzy.

Then you are overly invested Arse