wheresthelight let's put that one down to a misunderstanding of your intent due to reading what you had written and not what you meant :)
I have posted many times I strongly believe that irrespective of the circumstances that resulted in their being a step parent involved in a child's life ALL the adults should be amicable for the sake of the child. from my experience of this board and the odd post that appears in relation to step families om other boards, it is often the mother who is said to be resentful
Well, I agree that all the adults should try to be amicable when it is in the best interests of the children, it isn't always. However, I disagree with your statement that 'it is often the mother who is said to be resentful'. I think resentment of the situation is fairly well split between the step mum and the mum (occasionally the dad or step-dad but this is much less common on these boards) with both parties often having a very good reason to be resentful!
there is one particular poster who is very vocal about their feeling that dad's new girlfriend/wife and mum's new boyfriend/husband has no right to contact/input on their child's life
There is always 'one poster' who bangs on about something, who has an agenda, who is full of shite - it's annoying, but you can't stop people having twatty opinions! Unfortunately :)
I find that so very sad. surely the more adults who love and care about a child and their happiness the better?
Absolutely. Some parents need to understand that children have endless love and that loving a step parent and being happy with them doesn't mean they love them any less, that it's NOT a competition. However, the nrp and the step parent need to not be Disney Family as well. Or all visa versa!
It's difficult because the vast majority of ex's are ex's for a damn good reason so it's rarely going to be 'easy' even if no one else is involved, throw in another adult or two & it's rare that it's all going to be lovely - unfortunately. All we can do is try our best to support whoever is posting the best we can with a combination of 'straight talk' and 'sympathy' and listening to THEM and not projecting.
dss has had some major anxiety around moving up to secondary school. he has bottled it and refused to speak to his mum and step dad or his dad but instead sat cuddling me last night sobbing his heart out about it. knowing his mum she will flip her lid but surely she should be grateful that he opened up to someone and that now as a family, however extended, we should all be working towards reassuring him and making sure that he learns to deal with the anxiety and move forward?
It's lovely that he felt he could talk to you. Children often feel it's easier to talk to someone who isn't so invested in getting the 'right' answer, there's less pressure to protect your feelings. Is there any need for his Mum to know he's spoken to you like this? It's only natural she will be hurt that he felt he could talk to you and not her (even if you had been a friends mum or a teacher).