I hate my step kids!

[Tappergirl]

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

A single thread where SPs don't get attacked?

The prejudice is mind-boggling...

It's absolutely fuck all to do with that, it's the shock and despair that you can't put yourself in these kids' positions and understand what it's like to be hated by the person you are forced to live with and feel unwanted in their 'home'

Errrrrrr, isn't it the SM who is forced to live with snotty SDCs.

DCs can be totally malicious and nasty. Especially if they have an abnormal childhood. They have nothing to lose by being horrible to their SM, to take out all their anger at their unhappy lives on her, to let her suck up their frustrations and feelings of loss. Because SM are not allowed to respond. I'm not sure what the long term effects are on these children but when everyone takes their side and there is no comeuppance they can be like the school bully and carry on regardless with apparently no remorse.

The mini wife thing is so creepy op. Are you actually jealous of this teenage girl? That is really sick OMG can't believe I am reading this - it is the miniwife relationship that is sick, the father and his DD doing everything except sex, that is what is sick, not the DSM's horrified reaction.
Unbelievable.

There is a support thread that has been left alone since it was started in March and is still in current use, so I'm not sure why one is being asked for.

I don't think that there are loads of anti-step posters who deliberately shit stir. I just there are people that just don't agree with some of the attitudes or towards step children, or have a different way if approaching things but if they try to express that they have their posts dissected word by word and get a hostile reception. There are the extremes of course, but I do feel a lot of advice or opinions just get dismissed rather than explored further.

Maybe they could call it, The Venting Room, or something Maryz, so that everyone understands it's just a place to let off steam and that posters might not be very rational at the time but need to let it out in a safe environment.

They could support each other. It's a good idea.

OP if you are still reading - I have read a few of your threads under this and a previous name. This has been going on for a long time now. None of you are happy and nothing appears to be getting any better. Find a way to get some space for all your sakes. It doesn't mean things have to be over between you and your DH, you could just get your own space and be semi-detatched for a few years. Yes it would mean a financial hit. Could you countenance that if it meant you were all far happier in the long run? There are not many rentals that permit dogs but there are some and you only need one. Don't lose sight of what's possible just because it's a bit hard (that's a lesson I could learn for myself in a couple of different contexts just now).

I think a safe, let off steam type of space would be brilliant. There was a 'fuck you' thread recently that I made full use of.

I like this name change, people keep calling me Chief!!

Dozie the adult always has a choice, the dcs don't.

The DCs are not the problem here: the problem is their father, who is not organising them. Though I am not sure what the OP has done to help him understand this. She is currently 1 against 3 - a very weak position. I am not surprised she is feeling terrible.

Organising them to do what? I'm at a loss to see what they are doing wrong really.

Ash tray from reading a few of the ops posts, the ops dp seems to think his kids are angels even when they are in the wrong and should be told off in some way, he also seems to give into everything they want fairly easily. This, in my opinion has lead to the op getting annoyed when she disagrees presumably originally only when it directly affected her but either is shot down if she tries to talk about it or she gives up and leaves the anger inside. Over time everything they did a teeny bit wrong started to grate at her as no one was doing anything about it and now she completely resents them. I don't think they're doing anything different to normal teens but the attitude their father has towards them has caused the op to feel this way, affectively they can do no wrong and she is always dismissed or shouted down so she now feels terribly negatively towards them and it's almost become a battle for his affection in her subconscious. That's my little psycho analysis anyway and it may be utter bullocks but I do think that this can only get worse as it is. That resentment will not go away easily and things have probably reached a point where if the dp started actually listening and disciplining then the op might subconsciously feel she was scoring points against the kids and might enjoy them being punished. I know that makes the op sound awful and I don't mean to because it's a situation that has been created and I think it's a normalish mental reaction. But the op needs to recognise this irrepairable cycle and leave either completely or temporarily. Tapper is hurting everyone by staying even if the initial fault is in the dp.
Money will sort itself out, It's not worth happiness though I see why you feel trapped because you could potentially loose a lot.

Well, you move in with a stranger and your DF, not because you want to, you have no choice. So is it therefore ok to be antisocial, lazy, ignore the stranger? Surely they can thank the person who cleans and funds the home they are now in? Be polite, say please and thankyou, goodmorning and goodnight.

It's a shame there are such different rules for SDCs to normal DCs. I can't imagine it makes them happier.

Me and dp have a blended family so I am a stepmum he is a stepdad. He has to put up with more than me, dsd annoys me at times but she is your average 16yo, doing no worse than op describes. My children are hard work one in a psychiatric hospital now and the one at home (15yo)has asd. I would kick my dp out if he was as vitriolic towards my children as the op is.

They are teenagers, so they will do things that need checked. I daresay that is universally true. Whether it is more true of these particular young people, I have no idea (although as some have pointed out, they may be quite confused and unhappy, and that does tend to lead to problem behaviours).
But if the DH simply will not parent them or hold them accountable for anything, which the OP has suggested previously, then yes, I am quite sure that there are things which need 'organised'.
At 19, a young woman is certainly capable of having her own strong personality, which may very well be disagreeable. I don't know why we need to pretend that it isn't possible. There are posters on MN younger than the DSC!

Am I arsenic?

The Hansel and Gretel phenomenon is strong on this thread, isn't it?

Wicked stepmum wants to see the back of her DSC and everyone condemns her for her treatment of the children, yet no one holds the DCs father to account.

Like the poor woodcutter, he is an ineffective soul to be sympathised with; yet to read some of the comments on this thread, he is apparently standing by and allowing the OP to behave very badly towards his DCs - behaviour which, as someone else said, would be considered abuse were the genders reversed.

If there was ever a thread that demonstrated social stereotyping, this is it. Demonise the stepmum while at the same time, overlook/ignore the failings of the father.

There is absolutely no evidence whatsoever (even from the op) that they don't

Mary, the OP has posted previously about more specific problems with the DSC behavior. None seem extreme, but they include the sort of things dozie has mentioned, and others. Probably most would be tolerable if the DH would address them.

dozie step dcs are 'normal' DCs

I wont quote or recall poster's names but it is doing OP no favours at all to pin the blame solely on her DH for this situation. it is very clear from this and OP's previous threads that she has a horrible attitude towards, not only, her stepdcs, but her DH aswell and that she has a temper. it takes no genius to work out that her attitude plays a huge part in the family dynamic and her own unhappiness about the situation.

I also agree with those struggling to see what these DCs have done wrong. after reading previous threads I have seen complaints that they cook no meals, then complaints that they took too long to cook a meal. complaints they are in her way then complaints that they stay in their rooms (out of her way). complaints they do no chores then complaints they do too much of a certain chore (the son's washing) and that the chores are done when she is there rather than when she isn't. it honestly does seem as if these DCs wont ever please OP because she chooses to find fault with everything they do.

Yep dia were this stately homes op would be diagnosed as narc by now!