I hate my step kids!

[Tappergirl]

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

Ill do my best but the kids are waiting to go to the beach...

Yes, it was exactly like that. Actually worse. We have been visited by people suggesting disabled children should be left to die. It still goes on.
With respect, if you don't understand what it is like to have people laughing at your child every time you leave the house and shouting 'fucking retard' at you in the street and shouting 'gay twat' at your son because he still at 17 needs to hold his dads hand' then it is a little glib of you to try and use the SN boards as an example.

Thank you Fairenuff

Brdgrl, I think that your complaint is largely at LPs coming on this board to goad SPs. I don't know how many on this thread are indeed LPs, but many of the names I recognise are not.

Yes, my statements in that regard are (and I tried to make that clear) about the board in general.

One of the interesting things about this thread is that - as someone said before - it hasn't been divided on the same lines. I had a lovely message exchange earlier with someone I have often disagreed with about stepparenting issues, who felt as I did that the OP was vulnerable and that the thread had gone too nasty against her.

And, again, there isn't really any vast disagreement on this thread about what OP should or shouldn't do. Stepmums and non-stepmums alike have posted similar questions and advice for her. I am talking about the posts which contain no advice or element of discussion of a situation, and are purely about the character of the OP. These are certainly personal attacks, whether you feel she deserves to be attacked or not, such posts are against the MN rules and that ought to be addressed.

I'm off actually. I'm a bit upset by that.

then it is a little glib of you to try and use the SN boards as an example
Pagwatch! Not on. You used the SN boards as an example - YOU did. I responded to draw on your own example and try to show you what we experience here, particularly as you acknowledged that you weren't that familiar with the board.
I guess it is glib when I use your example, but not glib for you to do the same.
I was actually trying to have a considered exchange with you, but calling me out for talking about YOUR example is absolute bullshit.

I think support only is a great idea Maryz but, as has already been pointed out on this thread, support does not mean just agreeing with the OP.

For example, if this thread had been posted under Support Only, which posts would be acceptable?

No-one, not one single poster on this thread, has agreed with OP's stance.

Pagwatch, go then. You wrote: I don't feel hounded off as the mother of a child with SN. Should i ? Do not criticize me for answering your own example.

Yes, it was exactly like that. Actually worse. We have been visited by people suggesting disabled children should be left to die. It still goes on.
With respect, if you don't understand what it is like to have people laughing at your child every time you leave the house and shouting 'fucking retard' at you in the street and shouting 'gay twat' at your son because he still at 17 needs to hold his dads hand' then it is a little glib of you to try and use the SN boards as an example.

It appears that there are such posts on SN, then. And that they are seen as unacceptable. So perhaps you should consider that there is an analogous situation occurring here. Why should we be expected to put up with abuse on this board, when no other board is expected to? No one is saying "well, Pagwatch, maybe if the SN board is a hostile environment, maybe you should go elsewhere."
If anyone has been glib, it is you.

Thanks, maryz, I will look for your thread later.

YY (again) Fairenuff - support is more than bland agreement.

Brdgrl, is blatantly obvious that Pag was trying to offer a helpful suggestion based on experiences on the SN board that are directly equivalent to the experiences here. I really don't understand why you're so intent on taking offence.

Brdgrl, is blatantly obvious that Pag was trying to offer a helpful suggestion based on experiences on the SN board that are directly equivalent to the experiences here.
Yes, and when I further drew on that analogy, she got pissed off and accused me of being glib.
She admitted to not knowing what the situation was here, and I tried to explain it using her own example. She presented it as an analogous example. I followed on that.

No, she said that she didn't know the situation here, but offered a suggestion for something that helped there.

You then revealed your own ignorance by telling her that her suggestion had nothing to offer you because it SN didn't have it as bad as SP.

No, I feel sure that they DO, and that it is unacceptable.
What I intended to say, and what I think a careful reader would comprehend, is that posters on the SN board are not expected to take such abuse as a given, or be compelled to post on OTBT in order to avoid it.

If someone in that particular exchange was glib and quick to take offense, it was Pagwatch. Who perhaps should have acquainted herself better with the situation she was offering such analogies to.

By the way, many SP are also LPs and parents of children with SN.

WOW I didn't think this thread could get any worse after the OP's hideous first post.

How wrong was I? Arguing over who has it worst step parents or parents of children with sn...Really!

My heart goes out to the children in the OP's family, unfortunately I can have no sympathy for a fully grown woman who refuses to do anything to change her situation, continually posts nasty comments about her parasite stepkids and expects the whole world to say there, there you poor thing.

Arguing over who has it worst step parents or parents of children with sn...Really!

FFS. No one is arguing that (perhaps it would suit some posters to pretend that we are, but no one is). There is a world of difference between saying "posters on the SN board"/"posters on the stepmum board" and saying "parents of children with SN and stepparents". Or "lone parents" versus "posters on LP".

(Since I am/have been all three, I may have my own individual view on which is more difficult, but its hardly under discussion here.)

What I intended to say, and what I think a careful reader would comprehend, is that posters on the SN board are not expected to take such abuse as a given, or be compelled to post on OTBT in order to avoid it.

And they aren't expected to take abuse or be compelled to post in OTBT.

Because they ask to become, and did become, an opt-in board.

Which is exact what Pagwatch suggested posters on this board might want to ask for.

I've had a read through of some of the OP's threads.

I've concluded that she hates her DSD especially and appears jealous of the DSD's relationship with her father, calling her "mini wife".

She hates her DSS for doing his own washing "far too often".

She was going to file for divorce 11 days ago. Or so she said.

She said she was going to leave her husband in May too. And in June. And in another post in July.

Can you see a pattern here? I'm getting the feeling that there's a bit of attention-seeking going on with the OP.

We'll see you back on here in a couple of weeks, Tappergirl.

You DON'T have kids for only 18years.
You are a parent for LIFE. and that involves still supporting them after the magical 18th birthday rather than setting them adrift because the law says they are an adult.

I think you need to stop trying parent op. It isn't your job to it's their dad's. If you think he isn't doing it right well unfortunately that's not your choice. He is their parent. You can be a friend. Try and spend time with them doing something enjoyable so they don't see you as the enemy constantly telling you what to do when it is not your business.
You need to learn to let normal teen behaviour roll off your back and don't get involved. They will be messy and inconsiderate and wanting to do their own thing. Don't take it as a personal insult because it isn't it is just how teens all are! Getting angry won't make them act differently all it does is stress you out and make you unhappy. If you are unhappy with your partner speak to him and if you still are then leave him but don't blame his children. It is your relationship that is the issue not the children.

I think the OP just needs to take her two dogs and leave the family home, then let solicitors sort it out.

Can you imagine for one minute what the response would have been if an MNer posted a thread telling us all how much her husband hated her children, didn't want them living with them, called them parasites and accused her son of being a mini husband just because he acted in a loving way towards her.

The site would go in to meltdown with all the leave the bastard posts that would follow.

Yet this poster expects to post on a public board over and over again bout how much she hates these children and not get the tiniest bit of criticism.

I agree with some of the posters who said that there could be underlying mental health issues. However, that is no excuse for the nastiness that the op continues to spout on MN over and over again about her step children.

God I have been sitting on my hands here.

There are some really horrible people on this board - that's the problem on this thread!

Not that there are a mysterious swathe of 'stepmother haters' (doesn't even make sense to randomly hate step parents does it?).

Maryz you have the patience of a saint.

Pagwathc ditto and sorry you have been offended and upset on here.

OP I have no words for someone that feels and speaks the way you do about your husband's children.

Of course you and brdgrl will always, always see me and others 'stepmum haterz'.

It's absolutely fuck all to do with that, it's the shock and despair that you can't put yourself in these kids' positions and understand what it's like to be hated by the person you are forced to live with and feel unwanted in their 'home'.

I feel desperately sorry for your husband's kids, Tapperz.

"I bought this house from the equity of the one I lived in before I met DH. He went through near bankruptcy with ex wife. I put him on this mortgage because I trusted him.
Now the hous is jointy owned. I agreed to take his "then" kids on, not ever knowing what effect it would have on our then wonderful relationship. Now everything is shit, and why should I leave a house which was just my own at one point?"

This is the problem IMO. Sorry tapper.

You financially tied yourself to your DH yourself, destroying your financial independence. Sorry no one MADE you do that.

Circumstances have changed. You are desperately unhappy.
For everyone's well being you to break free financially and regain you independence.

It will be very difficult yes but not impossible.

When you get to the point of thinking about suicide, you have to act.

Go see a solicitor.
Find out what your options are.
Seriously you have to act, no one can sort this but you.

The mini wife thing is so creepy op. Are you actually jealous of this teenage girl? That is really sick. Ask yourself why you aren't happy that a daughter and father care about each other?

Nicki as a regular step parenting poster with 2 step kids who come eow and 1 who lives with us almost as if she was both of ours due to abuse she's suffered, I disagree entirely with your post. SOME posters always post negative things about their step kids and shoot down anyone who offers even constructive criticism. but most post about a mixture of good things and bad things, often posting about contact, ex or parenting style issues rather than about the children and I see lots of support given. It is rare that I see a post like this one. We don't like people jumping in only to post critism or to antagonise when they have no experience of step parenting and haven't read the thread or don't think to look at the underlying issues. No one is telling you that you can't post here and im not familiar with your previous posts but we do like the input of others when it's constructive. I have also seen several threads from people who aren't step mums and who want advice from our perspective and I've not seen many negative responses to those unless the thread was actually antagonistic in the first place.
Many step mums have told Tapper that we don't think she is always being reasonable and needs to rethink her situation on this thread and others but in a polite way. If everyone just says oh you're vile then she'll just switch off to it, if we offer actual advice and gently point out where we think she's wrong then she might pay some attention.

Ok should have held fire and posted after reading the whole thread but having trouble with the app and forgetting what I'm going to write by the time I've read it all.