I hate my step kids!

[Tappergirl]

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

brdgrl I think it is very difficult for people to behave towards the OP as you would like them to due to the OP's attitude and general air of disdain towards anyone saying anything remotely critical of her. In my opinion, the OP's biggest problem is the fact that she is not prepared to look at her own attitude and behaviour towards her step children and consider that she may not be entirely blameless.

OP comes across as bitter, angry and resentful, blaming everyone else, it's always someone else's fault, nothing is ever good enough, outright dismissive of any advice or suggestions.

There are clearly serious problems within that household and no doubt all within it are suffering but I don't think the OP actually wants to change it, I think she enjoys the drama and wearing the badge of "suffering put-upon stepmother". I really think she needs to take a long hard look at herself and acknowledge the part she has played in this dysfunctional set up and stop trying to validate her stance with dreadful blogs like the one she linked to.

I'm afraid I think the children and to an extent her dh are the ones who need help, support and sympathy. Nothing in anything she has posted about her dscs or dh deserve the level of vitriol or utter contempt in which she holds them.

BrdGrl. I don't think you should link to other threads

Out of curiosity, why? Surely BrdGrl is just illustrating her point. A number of people have refenced Tappers previous posts (something about pretending to be French? )

I apologize if it was breaching rules or ettiquette for me to link to other threads in the service of a general point. I don't think it was, in the context, and certainly I have seen it done many other times. But I will report my posts - but I hope that MN will just remove the links and leave my comments.

I'm afraid I think the children and to an extent her dh are the ones who need help, support and sympathy. Nothing in anything she has posted about her dscs or dh deserve the level of vitriol or utter contempt in which she holds them.

emotion I agree with you, which makes me think that perhaps the OP is suffering from depression. Her inability to put things into perspective is keeping her in a dark place and I think she needs help to climb out of it. Which is why I would also say that she is probably quite emotionally fragile and possibly could be in a vulnerable place. Words, even on an Internet forum, can tip people over the edge to do silly things.

Yes, boomerang, that's what I think as well. :(

It's funny really, you want the right to call step kids any name under the sun - free speech I guess? - but it works both ways and so I reserve the right to say that I find the language used around this board about kids - not only teenagers but small children as well to be revolting and I have to say brdgrl you're always in there, waving the flags and asking people why they're posting on step parent threads and defending the indefensible.

It weakens your argument for how difficult it is to be a step parent when you cannot seem to separate out the wheat from the chaff. Defending everything means that you just start being a scroll past poster, and I think that's a shame.

Fair comment Boomeranggirl, the language used is emotive and that is probably a lot to do with the way in which people have reacted.

I hope for the sakes of all involved in this family that the OP does seek help, I fear there will be four emotionally damaged individuals if things don't change soon.

I have to say brdgrl you're always in there, waving the flags and asking people why they're posting on step parent threads and defending the indefensible.
Well, you are partly right. I am a prolific poster and I certainly do speak up in defense of people who I think need defending. I don't start many threads anymore, mainly, I am happy to say, because things have largely stabilised with my family, and I feel I am able to pass on some of what I have learned. I have also been a witness to an awful lot of bullying (much of which, frankly, doesn't apply to me directly as about 75% is around ex-wife issues, but which I see at firsthand) and I don't care for it.

I don't often ask people "why they are posting on stepparent threads", per se. I do frequently ask people why they are bullying posters. I do ask why some people return again and again to stepparent threads with an agenda of spewing vitriol and projecting their own bitterness about their ex's new partner, against any stepmum.

I am not sure which "flags" I am meant to be waving, but I am very proud to be a stepmum and equally proud to be part of a community of really lovely women on the stepparenting board. The regular posters on it, are in fact, some of the kindest, most supportive, most accepting and thoughtful to be found on this entire forum. So if we have a flag, I will happily wave it.

As for defending the indefensible, I haven't defended the OP, except to say that she deserves a bit of kindness even from those who don't like her position. As is so often said..."this is not AIBU".

Which is why I would also say that she is probably quite emotionally fragile and possibly could be in a vulnerable place. Words, even on an Internet forum, can tip people over the edge to do silly things.

The same could be said of a poster on the bingo thread but that hasn't stopped many of the same posters who are now asking for compassion for this OP from giving her a good kicking.

The only difference I see here between mums and step mums having problems with kids is that usually when a mum posts it's Ok to put blame on the child but when a step mum posts everyone says it's not the kids fault, it's their mum or dad's parenting or because they've been through a divorce etc. Some kids are Nasty and out of order of their own accord even if it's hormonal.

But I don't think tapper girls step kids are all that bad, I've heard much much worse BUT the longer you are unhappy in a situation like this one , the worse get little things can become. I think they probably aren't little angels but a lot of the issues are normal issues and unfortunately I think it is a situation in which the issues haven't been properly dealt with leading to lasting resentment and now everything these kids do gets to tapper. She doesn't choose to feel this way but unfortunately she does and I think she does need to open her eyes to the fact that part of this is her perspective. I agree that tapper you need to leave the home if not your dp even if only temporarily until the kids move out. But from other threads I don't think things are great with your dp anyway....

Nah, basgetti, a more valid comparison to the poster you refer to could be made if I went onto the LP board, jumped onto an existing thread of support for LPs, and began to rant about how vile and "meaningless" they were.

People can ignore the OP's thread. She hasn't inserted herself into an on-going discussion on say, the teenagers board, and made her inflammatory comments.

The same could be said of a poster on the bingo thread but that hasn't stopped many of the same posters who are now asking for compassion for this OP from giving her a good kicking.

I disagree. The poster on the other thread didn't post asking for help. They joined an existing (and supposedly lighthearted) thread. Whilst I sympathise with that poster that thread was meant to be lighthearted relief for SMs but instead was derailed.

Well I think the level of gleeful vitriol hurled at that poster was pretty disproportionate for her 'crime' of daring to post on a stepparenting thread and not follow the approved script. The hypocrisy of the same names who have goaded her repeatedly posting here to lecture others is sickening.

I think this thread is descending into a 'bash the step parenting board'' and tbh I'm not biting. I'm off to lock the step children in a cupboard with bread and water after a day of being up the chimney bed.

Oh and I'd better give my step mum a big hug next time I see her, she's fab

Goodnight all!

"approved script", my arse. Talk about hypocrisy! The only people who seem to want script approval on the stepparenting board are those who drop in for a good ol' nosy on their way to somewhere else, hoping for the chance to kick a stepmum.

Boomerang, I too am off to bed. Sweet dreams.

Why is it when we have a collective opinion on something it's always a 'gleeful bashing'.

Just because you disagree doesn't mean people are bashing, and to say people are gleeful in doing so is pretty horrible.

I'm sorry you are an absolute disgrace this reason and this reason alone is why I do not want my sons having anything to do with their dads gf.
You knew I assume from the start of your relationship that he had dcs wether he saw them often or not is irrelevant they were their before you and I'm sure will be there when your gone. When you took them on full time they were indeed children,children who I'm sure didn't want their family ripped apart to be away from their mother have you ever stopped to think about such things how hard it is for them?

Tbh if you only thought that you would be seeing 4 times a month like most step families but your dh had to step up to the mark and take care of his children because his ex was sick you shouldn't have married a man with children you should be ashamed of yourself as should your she for letting a woman like you be involved in his dcs lives.

Why is it when we have a collective opinion on something it's always a 'gleeful bashing'.Just because you disagree doesn't mean people are bashing, and to say people are gleeful in doing so is pretty horrible.
Interesting how twisted things become. RTFT! If there is a "collective opinion" on this thread, I think I am actually in agreement with it.

But because I object to the nastiness - and yes the gleeful bashing which is undeniable - of certain posters, you assume that I am "the other side".

The ugliness on this thread is coming not from people who disagree with one another, but from people who actually don't seem to care about responding to the OP in any sort of constructive way (again, constructuve does not have to mean that you agree with her), but just tell her she's shit.

I think some of them will not be happy until we have seen Tapper's suicide note online. She has already spoken of her wish to kill herself, while you may choose to write that off as over-dramatic, I think it ought to be reason enough for posters (like the one above me) to keep their mouths shut.

(definitely going to bed soon...)

If that is directed at me, stating things like 'We have a winner!' and 'Do I win a prize?' towards someone who was posting about the very recent painful breakdown of her marriage was 'gleeful'. Not sure why it's horrible to point that out, particularly in light of the same posters lecturing people on this thread.

Anyway that's just my opinion, I only saw that thread tonight and found it pretty upsetting. Anyway I'll leave it there, I hope OP is able to come to some decisions and move on one way or another. Good luck Tapper.

That post was for Morphine btw.