I hate my step kids!

[Tappergirl]

They live with us full time, are parasites, and have ruined my relationship with my husband. Now though, I blame it on him for being spineless and taking every spat as my fault. I dont want to walk away but I can not see another option :-(

I haven't read most of the posts but tapper unless you think you can hold out until they've both left home I think you to need to leave for everyone's happiness. Even if it's just you having a studio flat to live in most of the time until they go. You aren't going to wake up one morning happy unfortunately your situation is never going to work unless everyone is willing to start afresh and make big changes. And I don't think that's a possibility!

I saw brds post telling off posters who say tapper is vile... I agree there is no point commenting just to say you think she's awful. I don't always agree with Tapper but step parenting when you don't have kids and don't get on with the kids or disagree with your dps parenting must be awful particularly if you live with them ft.

I am a step mother and have been for 13 years do I qualify to comment on his thread brdgrl?

Or is the fact that I don't hate my SDC's and call them parasites exclude me from the conversation?

The OP in any of her threads has never said anything nice about her step kids and she has NC so has threads before the ones listed. She resents their mere presence in her life.

As a parent/step parent if every conversation started with how horrid my children are I would also become defensive and choose not to listen.

Posters talk about how trapped the OP is because of her financial house tie and dogs. Has anyone considered her DH feels equally tide to this women and the situation?

Hated my mums few partners that she had! that was my perogative!!
And surely it was their's to hate you? This makes it sound like you were pretty dreadful. Being a teenager doesn't get you a free pass to be an unpleasant brat, and if it is OK for you to brag about hating your mum's partners, why would they not respond in kind???

Sorry, but come on - you say OP sounds immature, but read your own post again!

I am a step mother and have been for 13 years do I qualify to comment on his thread brdgrl?
People who find the thread unsatisfying should leave it. AS I SAID, it is nothing to do with stepmum, not-stepmum...it is everything to do with not being unkind just because one can.

Or is the fact that I don't hate my SDC's and call them parasites exclude me from the conversation?
Well, I don't hate my stepkids (most of the time) or call them parasites, but to paraphrase Evelyn Beatrice Hall- I may disapprove but will defend another person's right to do so.

You defend someone's right to call their stepchildren parasites? Right-O.

Such an emotive subject step parenting. It tends to be a SM/non SM divide but I've never seen it drive a wedge between step mums before!

How come it is ok for Tapper to express feelings of hatred but when teenage Eggs did so that made her a brat? I don't understand why a child is being held to a higher standard of behaviour than a 50 year old woman.

Well usually there's a toeing of the party line around this board, but this thread is now dropping into active conversations so there will be dissenting voices I suppose. This thread is a particularly shocking one IMO - the vitriol and hatred is certainly shocking.

basgetti I don't think anyone did say that was okay for tapper to express feelings of hatred towards her step kids. I think most are trying to understand why she feels this way, rather than burning her at the stake.

People who find the thread unsatisfying should leave it

Out of interest, why? Is it only positive comments we're looking for now or can we still have truthful ones regardless of the neg/pos?

Brdgrl

I was seven when my parents divorced so I'm afraid the onus was on hone adults to 'make allowances' for any 'trouble' I caused. In fact I was a very quiet and introverted child and not actually any trouble but a few of my parents new partners were awful to me.

Yes they Reese also entitled to despise and hate me but one hopes that any deftness adult would be able to cope with/ deal with such feelings without making it obvious to the child, who themselves is themselves desperate for the love car and support of their actual parents or the other significant adults in their lives.

Anyway, if you go into a step parent relationship, I do believe you have to totally accepting and committed to the kids as well as the adult, how else is the new family going to work otherwise. If you ant or don't want to do that then wake up and smell the coffee, the relationship is quite simply not right for you, no matter how much you wish it was ( and probably wish the kids would just conveniently disappear of the face of the earth)

basgetti I don't think anyone did say that was okay for tapper to express feelings of hatred towards her step kids. I think most are trying to understand why she feels this way, rather than burning her at the stake*

I think we are past that . op has posted many times and has had a lot of support. I for one was one of those supporters. But I think op is in a place where she doesn't want help or understanding. She has focused a lot of unnecessary rage when not warranted. Clearly her dp has not helped her when needed. So her focus has come on the dsc. Sone of the things she has posted has gone against the grain for most people, regardless if they had kids, dsc or not.

This is a terribly unhealthy situation for all - especially the dc as god knows how long this has being going on for.

I don't think op will come back to this thread anyway . It's gone odat her usual ranting and support as she has gone too far this time.

softly I think you are right about the Op not coming back. So now what shall we argue talk about

Out of interest, why? Is it only positive comments we're looking for now or can we still have truthful ones regardless of the neg/pos?
I don't think it is a question of positive/negative. Lots of people are telling the OP some home truths but are going about it in a constructive way - and that includes posters with whom I strongly disagree on certain points - but there are also those whose sole contribution is to tell the OP she's a rotten person. I don't think that is adding anything to a discussion either of the OP's situation or even to a discussion about stepparenting in general; it definitely is counter to the ethos of MN as a place of support (which I am the first to agree doesn't have to equal validation).
I think that this kind of nastiness, and there is no other word for it, can have seriosu consequences, and may honestly provoke a seriously distraught and vulnerable poster into serious real-life harmful, even deadly, actions. I am worried about the OP, and I hate seeing people's glee at seizing on her posts and running her down.
There have been many posts here talking about the need to be understanding and kind to the DSC, and they are quite right. Can we not extend the same gentleness to someone making such an obvious cry for help?
Truthfulness does not have to be cruel. And in this case, being cruel to the OP will lead to far worse outcomes for her DSC.

You defend someone's right to call their stepchildren parasites?
Of course I do. Frankly, I have seen mothers say far far worse things about their OWN children on these boards. Just off the top of my head, I am reminded of this thread - [Link removed by MNHQ at the OP's request]

And teenagers can be parasitic. Only mums can say so and stepmums can't?

Evening all. Just popping head in to say we had a few reports about this thread - some clearly very emotional posts, but also lots of food for thought, so will leave as is.

Hope that Tappergirl finds some of the content useful to her.

and a read of well-thumbed MN talk_guidelines

Agreed Maryz

I could give you other examples, Mary...

I 'know' you from other threads about teens, and you have been very sensible in giving me advice about dealing with some really seriously bad behaviour by my DSS - but there were others on the same threads who were awful to me (either on the grounds that I was only the stepmum so it wasn't my place to get involved - despite the fact that I was in at least one instance a victim of physical violence by him - or on the grounds that he was clearly troubled and our only response should be love and understanding) - then I'd look at other threads from parents getting a completely different response - like this one [Link removed by MNHQ at the OP's request]

I love my stepson. But I understand why the OP feels so miserable and why she uses such strong language - especially when she feels so "unheard" at home. I do think she is working through a stage of grief for the life she has lost - anger - and I think she needs to work through it.

Sorry - cross-post, now you may tell me off for linking to another thread. I don't see why I should not link to it, though - there is absolutely no attack by me on the OP of that thread or any criticism intended - that was rather my point! Frustrated angry mums are entitled to post for help, and so are frustrated angry stepmums, and our language may be strong, but there is a double standard about that.

BrdGrl. I don't think you should link to other threads