I am in the worst situation EVER!!!

[ShitYouNot]

I am in the worst situation I have EVER been in, in my life.

Dd 1 is 11 and dd (with current partner) is 5. I am Dad and dd1 stays every other weekend.

Dp parents are both 60 this year, and celebrating a special wedding anniversary. Dp and her family are extremely close and they have been fantastic with me and dd 1. Even though my own family have been awful to dp and dd 2 over the years. (Things r better now, ps dp was not the other woman before you ask) my family were just very unfair and for no reason. Dd1 has always, and will always be the favourite no question about it.

Yesterday dp's parents announced that they have booked and paid for a holiday for dp, dd 2 and I to celebrate their special year. Not just anywhere, but to disney world for this year!!! We have really struggled the last few years financially and haven't had a holiday at all, and I am overwhelmed that they have done this for us - dd 2 would love it. They are so excited.

Dd 1 has been to Disney world 4 times but I have never been. How the hell can I go to Disney without dd 1 too? I haven't even got the money to add her to the holiday.

We have discussed this with dps parents and they felt awful about the situation but they havent got the money to pay for dd1 either, but really wanted to share this experience with their daughter, granddaughter and myself before they get too old and knowing we will probably never be able to afford to take dd2.They are by no means flush, and I do appreciate their generosity, it must have taken them ages to save. But I am now in the most shitty position ever!

If I go, I would feel awful on dd1, if I don't go I will feel awful on dd2 and would feel ungrateful to dps parents.

I am in catch 22 and cannot sleep or think about anything else!! What the hell.

Do I not go and deprive dd2 the holiday of a lifetime (dp would not want to go without me but has been great in sharing my - to put it lightly, unease about this situation) and maybe never have the opportunity again, knowing that my dd 1 will go with my parents next year? Or do I go and upset and hurt dd 1 when the problem for me is not about who has been but rather the fact that I would have only had this wonderful experience with 1 of my dd's!!! I can't cope.

How the hell do I deal with this?!?!

Your dps parents have booked a holiday for you all except your dd.
Wow.
Can't believe people actually do this stuff.
Your dd is part of your family, yes?
Then tell your dps parents, thanks but no thanks. We come as a package family

Don't wish to be pedantic, Matilda, but the OP said dp, not dw, so they're not married and therefore his dd1 is not technically her step-daughter at all.

I don't know what he'll decide to do but if they as a family decide to decline the gift nothing will be taken from the child. They'll go on loads of holidays over the years. She's likely to hear about it later and it will be a good lesson in integrity for her.

I have 2 step children. I wouldn't ever expect my parents to pay for a holiday for them. They have grandparents of their own for that. As for this thread being creepy .....that's laughable.

Married or not, the OP and his DP have a child together so they are a family and his DD1 is part of that family. Shocking behaviour from the DP's parents IMO.

Oh you're right clam. But living together, surely, so still a family?

Dornishwine Wouldn't your incredulity be better reserved for the OP's OWN PARENTS, who have been taking one biological granddaughter to WDW for the last 4 years, leaving the other one behind?

But then we're back to two wrongs not making a right, and the OP making a statement that no matter what anyone else does he doesn't play the favouritism game.

"Shocking behaviour from the DP's parents IMO."^

Why? They want to take their daughter and grand-daughter on holiday. It's not a patch on the behaviour of the other grandparents who, as I've just reminded someone, are leaving out their actual grandchild. At least these people are usually friendly and welcoming to dd1, whereas the other crew don't appear to be towards dd2

...even if someone offers him a freebie.

Depends if you view it as a wrong. matilda, and I don't, particularly. I think it gives a worse message to the dd2 if her own dad won't come on holiday with her to see Disney princesses because of her half-sibling, who has seen it all 4 times before, whilst she was left out.

The whole situation is fucked up - and the op has allowed it to be so.

Really?....
"It's ok dd...it Doesn't matter how vile or horrid someone is, as long as they spend money on you and take you on holiday, it's ok"
"Sorry dd, you aren't seen as part of this family by dps parents, so we are going without you"
I think that's all kinds of fucked up.

I really can't understand families that do this.
Does the ops dps parents really think it's an ok thing to do?
Or is there more to it?
Are the ops dps parents playing a bit of "if you can play favourites so can we"??
How sad.

Matildasquared and dornishwine, just interested in your personal perspective here. Are you making your comments as a sm or a bio mum to someone else sc? Or indeed a dad, sd or gp? Curious.

Just go on the holiday op and have a lovely time. Dd1 is still going to get her holiday too. Then later on maybe the 4 of you can go somewhere cheaper.

If my parents "announced" that they'd planned a holiday for me and my family, I would find that weird enough. If they then said, "Oh oops, you have to leave the step-kid behind. But Disney!!" yeah of course that's fucked up!

Ah...
So our opinions only matter if we are sp or gp!?....
I know a couple of families who had set ups like this (gps hugely favouring one gc over another) and in each case it has had horrendous consequences, both for the relationship between parent and child, and also between siblings.
You have been letting your parents - and now your dps parents - give very mixed messages to your dc.
How do you think they process this? How do they feel?

I can't help feeling it's bizarre that you feel some kind of loss about not experiencing Disney for the first time with dd1. You have totally bought into the marketing. It's not the second coming of Christ, it's a man dressed up as a mouse.
If dd1 lives with her mum, it's totally okay for you to go out without her. Otherwise you will have to start inviting her along every time you go for a meal, buy clothes, etc etc. you are making a right old meal out of this, just start packing.

I have chosen to be with a man who has 3 kids already and have chosen to have a baby with him.

Should my parents be forced to include them in everything they want to do with my baby, their grandchild?

They are very accepting and including but they don't have much money so there is no way I'd expect them to pay for them to come on holiday if they wanted to take us. Especially as it's 3 extra people.

Why shouldn't the ops ils get to have 1 trip for their anniversary exactly how they want it?

And why should a child born into a family where they have half siblings loose out if theres not enough money for their siblings to go too, when the half siblings get things with other family members too?

Hey OP if you want to chose a freebie over family unity, go for it. A bonus is your girls get the lesson that two wrongs make a right and integrity can be bought.

Nerf excellent post!