The best thing your body has produced *warning-grim content not suitable for weak-stomached persons*

[NoEffingWay]

Once, when I was about 20 my toenail started to hurt, I looked at it and it didn't seem different, but I noticed that the toenail was a teensy bit in the skin. I got the nail scissors out and cut the nail. It was like peeling open a can of ready-roll pastries-there was a small pause and then a pop as a small river of brown pus rolled out over my toe. I spent a happy half hour or so cleaning under the nail, and then over the course of about 6 months it grew out. I was almost sad when I said goodbye to the last thickened nasty toenail.
It has never happened again despite my best efforts to the contrary

I've got one.

As a kid living with abusive mother, no boundaries. I got a spot in my ear and she got me with my head against the wall and said, I'm going to go for it. No joy. Got my sister to have a go, no joy. I did hate them doing what they liked to my body.

Anyway I went to live with my dad and time passed. Every now and then I'd have a dig at the spot, use nails, really dig in. I guess all I must have done was push the infection further in.

.....but I did make a scab from my sharp nails....and I noticed that, on fiddling with it and digging with my nails, it would swell up and be round and tight...

Anyway one morning before school, the alarm had gone but I'm still in bed and I decided to have a go. I picked off the scab, bit painful and must have thinned the skin. Suddenly theres a huge PFFFFfffff (in my ear canal, so heard closely) and all this pus burst out!!

I shot out of bed and this time pressed from under the skin and omg!!! I got two Q tips, dug out the pus and played with it till I almost missed the bus.

Never had anything like that again. And, glad my mother didn't get the pleasure. It was the sound of it going and the PFFFfff.

Also ....solidified ming.....what a phrase!

@Mamanyt Oh thank you I’m so pleased you replied - I didn’t (in my excitement) notice the thread was so old until after I asked and was sure you’d never see the question will immediately text her!

i can’t think of anything exciting to contribute to the thread at all, fairly ordinary spots and ingrowns compared to these beauties.

@banivani Of course, I answered! It would have been rude to ignore a polite response to a post of mine! I get emails whenever someone does.

LOL consider yourself lucky, then! The "ordinarier" you are, the better!

I had an old "healed" belly button piercing, I think I'd took the ring out about a year before. I got new trousers that were high waisted and rubbed on it terribly. It started to hurt one day so I investigated. When trying to sort of hold my belly button out wide so I could look into it a bit, the piercing hole just erupted a white hot shot of pus that cleared a good few feet in the bathroom. Was immense!

DH had a spot on the outside of his nose, and being the good little sporner wife that I am I offered to sort it for him. Took a while but it turned out to be an ingrown nose hair that I pulled all the way through his nostril to the outside. That was epic.

Teen DS had a really prominent, massive blackhead on his nose and I offered to get it for him and he refused. Then one day it started getting a white ring round it, a whitehead was forming under the blackhead. This continued for a couple of days and I pleaded to sort it and he wouldn't. Until it grew sort of like a donut looking spot on his nose, I was itching to get at it and eventually he let me. By this time it really was like a perfect little greeny/white donut had grown with the large blackhead in the middle and the whitehead had formed all around it. Well, I gave it a squeeze and the whitehead went first but the blackhead went a split second later in what I can only describe as a sporner crescendo. My best work.

I’ve grown some funky bruises and a dented boob after a car accident?! The underside of my boob went black! Ouch. The dent is apparently due to a massive blood clot that (in the words of the doctor) will take ‘months and months’ to get better 🙄

Not my personal sporn but a wonderful one today. People who are bedbound quite often can get umboliths, or belly button stones. Hair and lint and skin form into a big nasty ball that’s hard to get out.
Today I was washing a lady and I noticed something slightly off on her nipple, I had a wee look and realised she had an inverted nipple, and an inch long stone eased itself way out, with a sort of central hair surrounded by yellow grey skin mush. It was amazing. No idea what it would be called, a nippolith? Mammolith? Answers on a postcard please

I am not sorry to resurrect a zombie thread - am sure it will bring joy to some to be reminded.

also sharing the results of DS ear hoover - he’s been complaining of ear pain and difficulty hearing so got a mobile ear cleaning person to see him

I've been hoping someone would come back to this thread 😁

That's a thing of beauty. I bought my Dad an ear camera the Christmas before last and he has never tried it. I have a horrible feeling he gave it away - I wanted to have a play with it! I thought he would be interested as he has had ear wax issues in the past, but alas no...

This thread is heaven.

One that I recall very fondly:

I had become aware my tear ducts had started to get a bit tender, and were starting to appear slightly misshapen and puckered. A dull throbbing could be observed if I pointed my head towards the floor and as the days went on the got worse.

I was walking around Tesco and a sensation came about my right eye/nose area and suddenly an immense feeling of relief as the tear duct just had no pain or pressure about it anymore. Simultaneously, a worm of something firm slid onto the back of my tongue.

I slunk into the egg corner and discretely spat it on a tissue. It was a perfect cylinder of a putty coloured opaque white odourless substance the shape of whatever tube leads tears into the back of your nose/mouth.

Oh how I longed for the other side to do the same thing! I still had the dull ache and slightly puckered look on the other side.

But wait it out I must, I thought.

2 days later I was sitting at sports day in the blistering heat. My nose felt strangely blocked yet sneezey so I grabbed a tissue and absentmindedly blew my nose into it. The other worm of putty glory diverted it self into my nostril upon expulsion, and into my tissue with a satisfying pffft noise. My eye was clear and a just blinked, dazed and bewildered in the sunlight and thanked Mother Nature for choosing me.

Beautiful writing, @SquirrelHash

Fortuitous that this thread has popped up today! Last night I was at my sisters and just couldn't clear my sinuses no matter how much I blew my nose. Rinsed then thoroughly this morning and got out my Bogey hook and this massive one-piece , rock hard crust came out after putting up a really good fight.

the relief

@SquirrelHash you have a beautiful way with words!

@glasshole that's seriously impressive!

@glasshole

That is a bogey of beauty!!

My dh had to have his collar bone plated, when he came home from hospital the wound got infected and it looked like he had a golf ball under his skin, he pulled the skin down to look at the staples and it exploded, kitchen looked like a horror movie. Everytime it happened it filled back up, it was amazing. I was most disappointed when they gave him antibiotics

When I got covid, I ended up in hospital for a few days, on oxygen, which was given via nasal cannula. I didn't realise for days that the oxygen was drying out my nose and turning the snot to concrete, and when I did, I hoicked out two enormous, rock hard bogies. It was the only good bit of the whole experience.

I had a bowel res section a few months ago. The wound was glued and also had dissolvable stitches. I got out of the bath about a week ago and noticed I had 5 little reddy white dots either side of my scar. A bit of light squeezing resulted in over an inch of semi dissolved stitch and sludge coming out of each. They’re now sitting there like baggy open pores and I’m hoping they fill up with more muck so I can squeeze it out again in a few months.

I've read this entire thread over 2 days, I'm so glad to have found this horrid little corner of Mumsnet. I have found my tribe!

I haven't got anything too spectacular to report, only had normal sized boils and bogeys. however I did use to own a pony..and he got a lump on his chest. Called the vet out who said it was probably just a bruise but he'd try and draw a bit out to make sure. Could I just hold him still.

Holy fuck, the needle went in, and a fountain of dark yellow pus shot out straight up the sleeve of his white coat. Big hunky vet squealed like an 8 year old, the smell made my ears curl, and burned out my sinuses. I have a strong stomach, but it nearly made me heave.

It just kept coming, vet had to fetch a bucket to catch it. My dear old pony just stood there like a trooper, poor boy must've been in such pain. There was at least a pint of it in the bucket, and the same again on the floor.

Yard owner walks over to help, she was an ex vet nurse, and says 'there's a lot more in there' Vet doesn't think so, so she places her hand under the hole which has opened up and pushes upwards. And a new lot of pus bubbles out, and into the vets welly as he had put down the bucket. I'm nearly hysterical by this point.

Vet agrees with yard owner that it needs lancing, irrigating and packing. which is what he didn. Also a course of anitbiotics. It took a week before the pus dried up, with twice daily dressing changes where the packing was pulled out and it was re-dressed. A joy in itself.

Pony made a complete recovery and is now 32, and still doing light hacking and schooling and enduring small girls inflicting embarassing hairstyles on him.

Thank you Nellie - I roared when I got to the vet’s welly. 🤣 👌

It's not often I'm so grateful for a zombie thread being resurrected and I wasn't expecting much when I saw this bubble up my TIO list, but my goddess, you've all made it worth a look - and all round.

Intrigued about how this all works. My sinuses often make me miserable so I'm keen to know how I might sort myself out (and have a story for MN!)

Very nice!

What's a bogey hook?

DS had a lot of allergies as a baby abc they made him seriously snotty. Every morning his snot would have gone hard and completely filled his nose. I kept my right little fingernail just the right length and shape to dig it out for him - if I left it, he'd get nosebleeds and infections. Poor little sod. Very enjoyable though.

I bought a clear plastic ear spoon with integrated light for baby DD because her ear wax built up so much. Really satisfying. Often got a cubic cm from her.

I've just spent a rather cheerful evening catching up here. Ive never heard the word 'carbuncle' before but it is such a lovely onomatopoeia.

Anyway, I often rate my own manky sporny events when I can't sleep. My ultimate one is this:

Really itchy tip of my nose. Hot and shiny. Drove me frickin' insane. I put all sorts of creams on it. After a few days of sudocreme and lots of scratching, the shiny redness went. It did remain a sort of crimson colour for weeks.

Then the fiery itching started up again! I had a good look, and in frustration, squeezed. A small bit of white appeared! Great! I inspected it for quite some time, knowing it was gonna be productive. I wasn't wrong. I squeezed again and sploof- covered the mirror. The itching went but there was something else! A Tiny tip of black. Another squeeze and a sharp tip of hair was visible. I tweezed it out and pulled out a 3cm (I measured) nasal hair that had grown UP maybe got ingrown or something. Utterly revolting. That was a good un.

I also had a snowman spot when I was a teenager. It was glorious. It was hard and angry so I put tea tree on it. I swear tea tree it like a magnet for all the pus in your body. The next morning the monster was so big, it had it's own spot, and a spot on that - so three massive zits al piled up. That was a delight. Also on my nose as well curiously. Maybe I should chop my nose off.

I get nothing now I'm old a desiccated. Luckily my son is 12 and entering prime gunge age