The best thing your body has produced *warning-grim content not suitable for weak-stomached persons*

[NoEffingWay]

Once, when I was about 20 my toenail started to hurt, I looked at it and it didn't seem different, but I noticed that the toenail was a teensy bit in the skin. I got the nail scissors out and cut the nail. It was like peeling open a can of ready-roll pastries-there was a small pause and then a pop as a small river of brown pus rolled out over my toe. I spent a happy half hour or so cleaning under the nail, and then over the course of about 6 months it grew out. I was almost sad when I said goodbye to the last thickened nasty toenail.
It has never happened again despite my best efforts to the contrary

A poo that looked like an alien with arms and legs after 5 days of constipation after a c-section. I was so shocked at the shape of it I nearly fainted. I have no idea how it exited my body that shape.

A very large lump of hard black earwax when I was in my late teens. 50 years I have been searching to find that Holy Grail again.

I often get big chunks of ear wax due to ear surgery which has left a massive cavity. Very satisfying.

@fourquenelles @Daisy829 My ears used to produce these lumps of earwax which would appear from no-where probably because I never cleaned my ears.

These days, bc I clean my ears everyday with cotton buds (does anyone use cotton buds on babies?) I sadly no longer have black gold falling out of my ears

Placemarking with glee.

I don't get so much sporn fun now I'm menopausal, but my most memorable ones were an infected ingrown hair about 20 years ago that was agony. I stood in the bath and pierced it and loads dripped out. Another similar I sat on the bathroom floor and squeezed it and it shot about 30cm across the floor. Come to think of it I don't get mirror hitting facial ones any more.
I do have a preauricular sinus which is good as I can hear it.
The best are the painful ones that are a big relief when squeezed.
I'm not a true Spooner though as I only like my own. Not other people's

I hated the acne years at the time but I do miss getting a decent zit that would squeak as it popped all over the mirror, and would leave a hole in my face.

My teenage years were a riot I tell you.

I once had an enormous spot/boil on my bikini line. I couldn’t pop it as it was so painful and didn’t have a head. I finally had enough and squeezed it with all my strength whilst wincing in pain. As I looked down at it, it popped with a cracking noise and a massive splat of green pus landed on the lens of my glasses. I’ve always thought it was lucky I was wearing my glasses and not my contacts or I would have fired green pus at force into my eye!

This is the best and worst thread I've ever read...

Mine was when I had my ears syringed. Pure waxy goodness. I'd love to have it done again but sadly, the nurse doesn't do it anymore at my surgery.

DH had a skin infection that caused huge productive boils on his legs and arse. My god, they produced some gunk. One on the side of his knee was particularly memorable...he squeezed it, it gave an audible pop and it was like a mini volcano spewing thick yellow & bloody pus down his leg. Looked like pizza topping. Poor DH had to have a course of super strong antibiotics to shift that lot.

When I was a teen I had a spot right between my eyes. Beautiful.
I used greenstick to cover it, then some skin colour to finish.
It was almost invisible... 😂
Anyway, decided to give it a pop at lunch and out squeezed a wiggly worm of skin colour concealer, then green worm, followed by lovely slightly mushy gunk worm. Never bettered.

However, my DH gets amazing earwax and let's me clean his ears for him. SO satisfying!!

You should all write books on this stuff. I haven’t read a collection of such creative, beautifully worded, hilarity on Mumsnet since I joined. Quite a niche market admittedly but we prove there’s an audience. Ps Anyone else get that thing when they read this stuff & their mouth goes watery like before you vomit? It’s all just so good yet sooo wrong!

A couple of years ago I had a cyst on the nape of my neck about the size of a marble. I was always fiddling and squeezing at it because it was really irritating.

One day I took a sterilised needle to it but disappointingly nothing. That evening I eas fiddling and felt a pop - practically a handful of thick paste came out.

I then craned to see it in the mirror and gave it a good squeeze and the pus literally hit the ceiling.

Got 2 or 3 weeks of sporny pleasure out of that bad boy before it stopped filling back up.

I had a verucca that went septic when I was at primary school. My poor mother bathed and dressed it every day but it just grew to the size of a 10p piece on the instep part of my heel. I wore trainers to school as it was too painful for shoes. One hot day, walking home from school, it gave an audible pop and I had the best sense of relief as I felt hot liquid gush out and into my dressing.
Shot home to inspect dressing and found the most beautiful pile of neon yellow bloody gunk and a tiny, perfect little hole.

I had a very painful spot on the top of my leg near my hip. It wasn't even raised. One day I noticed a teeny head on it so I scratched it off and tried to pull my skin round. As I did that an arc of hot pus flew across the room. It never refilled and I have never had anything like it since.
I also had a huge lump behind my ear. It was there for years. One day I squeezed it and out came a blackhead so huge that it started black, then orange then white. Sadly it has never refilled.

And there was the time I thought I was having a heart attack but it was my first experience of trapped wind. The slow, steady relief as the fart slowly released was amazing.

The long cone shaped blackhead which I squeezed out of my thigh. I still have a small round scar. T’was amazing.

Also 10 cm in growing hair on chin. It was curled up and I thought it was a blackhead.

Sadly nothing else for years.

I have two favourites. One mine, one my DH’s.

DH: ingrown hair the likes of which you only ever see on Dr Pimple Popper. Proper huge blackhead that then produced a hair about 3 inches long. I genuinely said to him “I didn’t think I’d ever manage to witness one of those first hand” I was so pleased with it.

Mine: random hard lump under my skin on my thigh. Was somewhat near a scar from where they removed my varicose veins so probably associated? Who knows. Anyway kept fiddling and fiddling for MONTHS but nothing ever shifted it out from under the skin. Sat down on the loo one day and gave it the customary poke and out popped the most perfect, round, white, shiny lump of....? No idea what it was or why it happened and it never filled up or bled afterwards. Never recurred either. But that was a glorious day.

Ds used to have a preauricular sinus which filled with puss on a daily basis. It was great, but also gross as I always had to carry round wet wipes and loads of tissues just in case.

But he had it removed when he was at infants because of the puss. Better done when he was little, now the scar is barely noticeable.

I had a cyst on my scalp and having it removed by the Dr and stitched was awful. When it filled up again I read that if you scratch and bother the skin you can get it out yourself. So I did.
Eventually I got a scab on my scalp and was just bothering it when the scab came off and the cyst slowly rolled out of my scalp and into my hand.
It was so gross and so satisfying! That was 8 years ago and it hasn’t returned.

@Welshponyslave I have just gasped in wonder/envy

😂😂 I was in a car park at the time, waiting for my husband. I was so excited to show him the “Pearl” from my head!

My dd was 2 or 3 and had a huge verucca on the side of her foot. I'd been working away at it for a few weeks so it was beginning to change. One day, dd was sitting on the kitchen floor and stood up. As she did so, Rookie (as we called it) exploded, sending shards of verucca flying in all directions across the kitchen and leaving a crater in her foot. It was one of the most marvelous things I've ever seen!

The most amazing spherical blackhead. I had to properly dig it out of my face and I still have a little scar there. It was at least two millimetres across. Really difficult to get out on account of the shape, but sooooo worth it.

A tonsil stone that popped out of the tonsil into my mouth during a body combat class I discreetly spat it into a tissue until I had time to examine (and sniff) it later - it was fabulous.

Big shoulder boil, was just fiddling with it one evening and it erupted and painted the ceiling. Huge cyst on my upper back, was the gift that kept on giving too. I still think of both fondly