The best thing your body has produced *warning-grim content not suitable for weak-stomached persons*

[NoEffingWay]

Once, when I was about 20 my toenail started to hurt, I looked at it and it didn't seem different, but I noticed that the toenail was a teensy bit in the skin. I got the nail scissors out and cut the nail. It was like peeling open a can of ready-roll pastries-there was a small pause and then a pop as a small river of brown pus rolled out over my toe. I spent a happy half hour or so cleaning under the nail, and then over the course of about 6 months it grew out. I was almost sad when I said goodbye to the last thickened nasty toenail.
It has never happened again despite my best efforts to the contrary

I need more sporn

Not actually my body but DH's, a beautiful pili multigemini. Link to the thread I kindly made!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sporner_corner/3471303-Look-what-DP-just-pulled-out-of-his-belly-button?msgid=84320003#84320003

After a childhood injury, I've had a bit of a funny fingernail all my life. A couple of years ago, the whole finger suddenly swelled hugely and became very red and painful - I could hardly bend it. I think there was likely a dormant infection from the time of the injury (possibly because the school nurse's idea of hygienic treatment was to sink the end of a paper clip through the nail, that she'd briefly blessed in a yellow flame 🤔).

Anyway, it got so bad I couldn't bear it any more. So while awaiting a GP appointment, I pierced the skin, just at the top of the nail bed, with a clean needle to see if I could relieve any pressure at all. And then I squeezed, fairly gently.

Oh. My. Gods. A volcano of smelly green pus erupted from my finger. It kept coming, and coming, and coming, and the stink was truly vile. I think it was basically a whole finger full of pus.

I regret to this day that I didn't film it, but I had no idea it would be so spectacular!

The nail still looks very ropey so you never know, with luck it might happen again sometime 😁

I had a breast reduction operation many years ago, and about five years after the surgery, I had a really hard little spot with a black head on the underside of my breast. I squeezed it and the black piece stood up proud from the skin. I grabbed it between my nails to pull out what I assumed was a blackhead and got a line of stitches, complete with knots- four of them! It's never happened again.

Puntasticusername the heated paperclip through the nail is trefinning! Massively satisfying for nurse and patients! I did to my husband after he hammered his thumb only after convincing him via Dr Google and he admits he should have let me do it earlier 😆

Yay, my fave thread is back! Keep them coming please

Nothing particularly exciting here.

I occasionally get a little lump along my c section scar that produces a lovely bit of puss. Hasn't happened for a while actually which is quite sad.

I also have a mole on my face and every so often I'll wake up to a thick hair growing from it- so satisfying to pluck but always worries me how long it gets before I actually notice it?!

DD once had a little infected bit along the side of her big toenail (because she bites them- oh to be so flexible!) We were soaking it daily in salt water and one day I couldn't resist a little stealth squeeze. Out shot a load of green puss, right across the room! She's now a fellow sporner, I'm very proud.

@GardenersDelight oh OK fair play, at least it's got a proper medical name! I was extremely sceptical at the time

I get a lot of nasty boils around my fanjo, I got one in my leg crease last night that delivered about a tablespoon full of grey-green gunk. It was brilliant and spurted a fair distance.

One of the best I had was a similar boil in my pubic hair that spurted 8ft up a wall that was 4ft away. It's grim as fuck but it's the disabled loo in my old office, I couldn't take the pain anymore and gave the boil a squeeze. The office is a listed building with high ceilings and I couldn't reach to wipe that last blob of goop off. I managed to clean the rest of the splatter from up the wall but as far as I know, my disgusting DNA is still there several years later!

An ex boyfriend when I was 20/21 had the most beautiful blackheads on his back. A cluster of about 20 that he had had for years. He let me get them and they were ginormous. Like little maggots with black hair. We were together about three years and they never came back.

My DH gets a spot once a decade. I'm considering divorce.

@theyips

I stabbed a pencil into my thigh when I was a child and could feel the lead under the skin for years and years. About 20 years later DH and I (under the influence - not alcohol) decided we needed to get it out. I had sterilised medical equipment so we cut it out with a scalpel and steri stripped me back together. It had fat growing around it which had to be scraped away to remove it and no longer bore any resemblance to the tip of a pencil, just a solid grey lumpy lump. Shudder to think of what we did but it was fascinating!

I have exactly the same thing near my knee. Stabbed myself with a pencil that was in the pocket of my coat. Over 30 years ago but I can still see where it is!

I've read this thread over the last couple of days- my first sporn thread and I think I'm addicted!!
My own contribution-
A few years ago I suffered with ovarian/fallopian cysts. I was advised to get my fallopian tube's removed before starting my ivf journey. At my age I felt I didn't have time to wait for nhs, so went private. A week or 2 after the op I had a post op consultation. It turns out they take photos during the op and he offered to let me see them- wow!!!
He explained that the tubes should be about 1cm wide. My right tube was a mess and about double this. (I get the impression the consultant liked the build up as much as I found it intriguing) he then showed me my left Fallopian tube- it was grey, huge and ugly- all I could think of when looking at it was a haggis!!!
I wish so much that I was able to get copies of these pics- they were fascinating!!!!

This thread is frigging amazing... I’ve been reading over the last few days...just wonderful please keep the stories coming.

Not that many interesting stories from me but once I got a blocked gland on my fanjo, I literally looked like I’d been stung by a million bees as one side was so big. There was no head that I could see but the pressure was so painful I could barely walk. Dr took one look and sent me straight to gynae triage. Was seen by a male staff member and couldn’t have cared less he was looking at my bits. The relief when he burst it was immense, sadly didn’t get to see that as I was lying down but I did have to continue to squeeze it whilst in bath to make sure everything was out afterwards and it produced a decent amount of pus so it must have been epic on the initial burst. Gutted I didn’t see or manage to burst myself.

Also had a blocked gland under armpit years ago...took great joy in squeezing it for the pus to ooze out, went to doctors to get it checked,got antibiotics and it never came back sadly. It has left a little indent and two small holes which I can push a needle rthrough so it gets a little bit of black head gunk in it which needs doing every so often, nowhere near as good as before.

I was also just reminded of a little hard lump on my elbow that produces nice squiggly white worms of stuff. Just gave it a squeeze and low and behold I got a worm. 🤣

@forensicfleabag

I've read this thread over the last couple of days- my first sporn thread and I think I'm addicted!! My own contribution- A few years ago I suffered with ovarian/fallopian cysts. I was advised to get my fallopian tube's removed before starting my ivf journey. At my age I felt I didn't have time to wait for nhs, so went private. A week or 2 after the op I had a post op consultation. It turns out they take photos during the op and he offered to let me see them- wow!!! He explained that the tubes should be about 1cm wide. My right tube was a mess and about double this. (I get the impression the consultant liked the build up as much as I found it intriguing) he then showed me my left Fallopian tube- it was grey, huge and ugly- all I could think of when looking at it was a haggis!!! I wish so much that I was able to get copies of these pics- they were fascinating!!!!

You probably could get copies of those pictures - send the private hospital a dSAR for all your medical records held by them stating that they’re to include X-rays, test results and medical photographs as well as physical notes.

@Rememberallball
I didn't realise!!! I think I've got to do this!!!

When I was a teenager I had a huge white solid lump, just under the skin on the side of my face near my ear. Everyone said to leave it alone and it would eventually go but I felt very self conscious about it. I eventually used a sterilised needle to make a hole and squeeze it out. It shot out really easily as a hard sphere but left a hole. It healed quickly but ever since it fills up every few weeks and needs emptying. Apparently a peel or dermabrasion will get rid of it.

A few years later I had a large red lump on my forehead for about a week. I squeezed it and a bit of white thin gunk came out but it was still swollen but nothing else came out when I squeezed harder. I used hot flannels and spot cream on it to try and sort it out. It went down and was flat but it still hurt. A week later I squeezed it again and a huge fairly solid ball of soft white/yellow lumpy cheese erupted with the tiniest amount of pressure followed by bloody slime. All the pain was gone. It healed overnight but left a permanent dent in my forehead and I can still feel the hole it left behind. There is a crease and scar line where the skin split when I squeezed. I've never had any more problems with it afterwards. I am still amazed by all the gunk that came out because it looked flat.

This thread is amazing, how have I missed it?? Years ago, I kept noticing a weird smell everywhere I went, like burning sugar. Couldn't work it out, it was so strange. Anyway I some days later I was blowing my nose in the living room and I felt like the snot wasn't coming out so I just kept going and going.. finally this incredibly sticky dark brown goo came out. It looked like solidified wood varnish or something in a blob about the size of a 50p. Spent some time poking it. Brilliant!

The cricket ball poo story is a secret that will die with me, I think, or maybe it's not yet the time..

I have hormonal cysts on the nape of my neck they grow to the size of £2 coins and the pus they produce is amazing

Had a cyst on my cheek with no head but it was boggy.. it was massive under the skin, I smiled at my mum in the street and it popped and I had a river of pus and blood cascading down my face in the middle of Mold market! Went on roaccutane after that!

I had the worst constipation and I had tummy ache, bum ache and felt so bloated. No medicine or copious amounts of water could shift it.

My husband made me a super strong curry, followed by rich chocolate cake. I felt so poorly eating it but I persevered.

That night I felt rumblings in my lower half. I ran to the loo and pooed out a bowling ball size poo. When it was coming out I could feel my bum opening, it was extremely painful. The poo was a hard as a rock.
It made a banging noise as it hit the loo. I don’t know how I managed to flush it.
I felt instant relief but for days it felt like I had had surgery down there.

I had tonsillitis when I 19 or so. My tonsils went down but my nose remained totally blocked, couldn't breathe through it. it felt like my entire head was full of concrete.

one afternoon about a week after the infection had gone down I was so fed up I went to the bathroom and decided to see what I could do. I held one of my nostrils closed and sucked as hard as I could through the other nostril for ages and ages. eventually I felt some thing give inside my head and my mouth was full....I spat into the sink and there was a huge pink, meaty, gristly lump.

I poked it with grim fascination for ages before washing it down the drain. oh the wonderful relief of being able to breathe again, even through only one nostril.

the next day I managed to dislodge what ever the hell it was from the other side too.

I still sometimes wonder if I've removed my own adenoids or something.

I've got loads. After my c-section, a nurse came to my house to remove the staples. I told her the pain was incredible and she said it was like that for everyone. Just as she said that, the scar burst and pints and pints and pints of hot, pinky water came shooting out. She couldn't handle it.

@YesIDoLoveCrisps

I had the worst constipation and I had tummy ache, bum ache and felt so bloated. No medicine or copious amounts of water could shift it. My husband made me a super strong curry, followed by rich chocolate cake. I felt so poorly eating it but I persevered. That night I felt rumblings in my lower half. I ran to the loo and pooed out a bowling ball size poo. When it was coming out I could feel my bum opening, it was extremely painful. The poo was a hard as a rock. It made a banging noise as it hit the loo. I don’t know how I managed to flush it. I felt instant relief but for days it felt like I had had surgery down there.

I didn't go for a week after my pilonidal abscess surgery. They'd dosed me up on tramadol for the days before and after the surgery.

When I did finally go it was like giving birth (I imagined at the time) I had to help gently ease it into the world using my fingers.

I was already unable to sit down after the surgery so this didn't help.

This remains my all time favourite thread, even though I have nothing to offer.

Another time, I felt terrible pain in my mid-section. I went to hospital for scans. They couldn't find anything. Three days later, I felt something burst. When I looked down about a cumul of green/grey liquid pus came pouring out of my bellybutton followed by a stream of blood. I put a cotton bud down there and pulled out three black hairs. It was the most minging thing that ever happened.

*about a cupful