The best thing your body has produced *warning-grim content not suitable for weak-stomached persons*

[NoEffingWay]

Once, when I was about 20 my toenail started to hurt, I looked at it and it didn't seem different, but I noticed that the toenail was a teensy bit in the skin. I got the nail scissors out and cut the nail. It was like peeling open a can of ready-roll pastries-there was a small pause and then a pop as a small river of brown pus rolled out over my toe. I spent a happy half hour or so cleaning under the nail, and then over the course of about 6 months it grew out. I was almost sad when I said goodbye to the last thickened nasty toenail.
It has never happened again despite my best efforts to the contrary

I had a fungal nail infection, the whole nail went soggy and as I cleaned it up a fountain of pus shot out.
Not me the next two, my dad had a huge boil on the back of his neck. Mum didn’t do spots, so I bravely offered. Dad was kind of pulling it apart and applying pressure. I said “oh there’s a bit of dressing stuck in it” nope was the core and the rest of it shot all over me. It stunk.
Our lovely dog wasn’t herself, lethargic and very poorly, but it was the 70s, Xmas holidays and no emergency vet. She picked up a bit and I bathed her in cool water as it was really hot. Drying her front there was a pop and a river of pus flowed out of a tiny hole, obviously a tic. She also got amazing blackheads, like long black matchsticks.

Ohh this has been a great read.

I had a really painful toenail once, I was in the bath and gently pulled the skin at the side away from the nail, yellow pus came pouring out.
I've had to have tablets to stop a bleed I had, went to the toilet and out dropped a blood clot the size of my hand. I had to show the nurses too as I needed to prove the tablets were working. I took a picture of the smaller clot as I couldn't believe it 😂

I've had a spot on my bikini line before, took weeks before squeezing it worked but the relief when it did!

I had a road accident and my glasses smashed into my face. Years later, I was taking a shower and I could feel something sharp sticking out my hip. I squeezed it and a piece of rounded glass popped out. The edges were just like glass you find on a beach and it still had the tint.

And ooh, the blackhead I liberated from ExP's arse cheek. On the surface, it just looked like a normal, slightly large blackhead. But he had cultivated a thing of beauty. It had grown diagonally lengthways which you couldn't tell from the top. So I squeezed it in normal blackhead eviction fashion which merely raised it slightly above his skin. And then it just sort of pumped itself out, sliding out from the side. It was at least 2cms long, brown all the way to the end, and so crystallised it left a permanent dent in his right buttock. If I ever have to identify his dead body, I need only look at his arse to know if it's him or not. It was so tough you could use it to carve pork.

I had quite a large mole removed from my back and that was quite grossly satisfying to see the "root" on it.
I always have to squeeze any sort of spot, or blackhead, and its almost disappointing when I use the x3 mirror and I haven't got any!

teen DD has had some epic spots but she very rarely lets me "assist" with them but its usually very satisfying if she does!

The hunk of my own umbilical cord that came out in the bath after giving birth to my eldest.

Another one from me. I had a sinus infection so bad that it felt like my sinuses were packed solid. For 3 days I couldn't move my head without intense pain and looking down was impossible. I had to breathe through my mouth and it was just too painful to blow my nose.
Eventually my head started to kind of crackle inside and I felt everything start to move. Painfully blew my nose and managed to shift a bit of yukky mucus. This carried on for another few days, with just tiny bits of mucus being blown out each time but my head still feeling packed solid.
And then, one beautiful morning, I felt the whole lot loosen and start to shift. I blew my nose and it felt like my brain was about to escape my skull. Out came the most wonderfully semi-solid string of green snot, straight into my waiting tissue. 2 more identical blows and the whole lot was gone, leaving clear airways and gloriously empty, cool sinuses.
I would actually go through it all again just for those last 3 nose blows!

@Saisong

I once grew a spot in that tight fold of skin in the ear above the ear canal. I had no idea it was there until I absentmindedly touched it with a finger and it cracked audibly and splurged gunk onto my finger. Thing was I was in a bookshop at the time with no easy access to tissue. I had to hot foot it to the nearest loos and spent a fascinating 10 minutes excavating it with a fingernail - there was soo much goo and blood. I can't believe it had got so big without me realising, it must have looked gross - unfortunately I couldn't see it because of the position in the ear fold. It did grow a satisfyingly crusty scab, which I enjoyed picking off several times (rather unnecessarily).

My other one was following surgery where the scar was on my bikini line. They used one of those long sutures with a bead at each end. When they came to remove it they snipped one bead off and allegedly pulling on the other would remove the whole thing - but it didn't, somehow it was adhered inside the scar. The doctor pulled really hard while someone held each side of the scar taut. I was screaming! Eventually the suture snapped leaving at least 3 inches inside! I was discharged and told it would make its way out eventually. I was not letting nature takes its own course though because i could feel the cut end sharp under the skin. It took about a week of worrying it before it emerged and I could grab the end with tweezers - gentle pulling and the bright blue plastic cord wiggled out of the skin - I still remember the sensation fondly (and I still have the suture in a box somewhere).

I had one of those sutures. Unfortunately the idiot who was supposed to snip the beads and pull the suture out just snipped off the beads and told me it was a dissolving stitch. I believed her. When I went for my six week check I told the consultant I could still see the suture under my skin and it hadn’t dissolved! She had a look and went a tad pale, then asked if I remembered who had done the snipping. Hell yes, I shopped her and hoped the consultant wiped the floor with her. I had to have a couple of local anaesthetic injections and little scalpel cuts to get the damn thing out. I often wonder how many other women on that gynae ward she did the same to, she wasn’t a student btw, she was a staff nurse and acted like the ward sister.

I had what I now know to be a Bartholins cyst when I was in sixth form.
It was so hot and sore that I could barely walk. After a few days of agony I was in a cubicle in the girls bogs, assessing the situation. It was about the size of a quail's egg. I gave it a very gentle, tentative squeeze and the whole thing just totally erupted with an audible popping sound and a torrent of bloody pus ran down my leg.

That was in 1980.It's one of my most vivid and happy school memories. Just one I wasn't able to share until now

Lying in the bath one day, felt an odd sensation down below when out popped a long forgotten tampon. No idea how long it had been stuck up there.
Also get the odd spot in my ear that make a delicious pop noise when squi

Just thought of another one ! Not as glamorous as some of the PPs admittedly but I found a hair in my perfectly straight, blonde hair that was so black and thick, but best of all was so crinkled. It gave me so much satisfaction just running it through my fingers.
Always on the lookout for another of those bad boys.

• squeezed

I had a spot on the side of my nose as a teenager that was pretty much a double decker - the top bit of it burst when I gave it a squeeze but it still hurt like hell. So I took a deep breath and squeezed really hard and fuck me, I thought my nose had exploded. Turns out there was a whole reservoir going on underneath. It was more than 30 years ago and I still think about it

That and the ingrown hair in my leg that was about 6 inches long and came out in a perfect spiral as it had clearly been growing round and round and round in there...

After producing pus for about a week, a cyst broke down and produced a three inch lump of gristle (lipoma?) before healing over permanently.

This thread is evoking all sorts of emotions!
The one for me was a Bartholins cyst, my... God... If you have had one you definitely bloody know about it.
Cannot explain the instant relief when it popped.. What came out of it was almost alien like 🤮

I didn't know you could 'pop' whiteheads until after I was quite old, and through the worst of my horrendous teenage acne! I used to just scratch and scratch at the horrible itchiness of my face instead, so got all the bleeding and scars and none of the deep satisfaction! Gutted about that.

You're all proper minging

I can deal with my own bodily ejections but not anyone elses.

A few years ago I had some cysts removed from my head. They do it at my doctor's surgery. I had about three, and when I got there and the doctor had a look, he kind of paused and then said 'errr....I think you're going to need a second appointment'. One of them was actually three in one and massive, easily the size of a marble. It's actually grown back.

I started my periods when I was still in primary school, and for a long time I was too embarrassed to ask for more sanitary towels and bags and stuff, so I'd use towels for far too long. One night, we were on holiday somewhere, I was walking to the toilet and a blood clot slipped out of my knickers off my no doubt saturated towel, onto the floor. It was fucking massive, the size and approximate shape of a large frog. Luckily it was on a tiled floor so I could easily clean it up - I was simultaneously mortified and impressed that my body could produce such delights!

I have shockingly bad sinus issues and have a recurring MRSA infection. Had surgery and awaiting another one. Part of the problem is that the scabs/crusts that form inside my sinuses are so large that I really struggle to blow them out of my nose and so the infection gets worse. I rinse my sinuses twice a day but sometimes I just can't move it. So I have collected a special set of tools. A long pair of thin tweezers and a long wire ring. It's crazy hope far they can go into my head . I basically have to fish out the stinky crust flakes and the sense of relief is magical, almost better than an orgasm. On a good session I actually manage to get them out in one piece and they have still kept the shape of my sinuses.

I once enthusiastically ate a hotdog and somehow inhaled a mouthful up into my nose, from my throat. It stayed stuck there for a few days and was really uncomfortable, although my mum didnt believe me.
It shot out a few days later when blowing my nose and the relief and free airway again was enormous! And I had a wonderful piece of evidence to show my mum who was horrified and apologised profusely for not believing me, or helping me!

Mine is post c-section. It must have been day two or so that I waddled to the toilet to do a wee or something when I felt something large, warm and wet come out of my fanjo. I sat on the toilet to do my business when all of a sudden i heard a thud then a splash in the toilet bowl. I got up and there to my horror was the biggest blood clot I had ever seen. It looked like a bloody kidney, I was freaking out that post surgery I had excreted an organ. Called the midwife who fished it out of the toilet bowl and confirmed all was well. Still feel faint thinking about it and that was almost 3 years ago!

I went over the handle bars of my bike when I was 9 (because my parents bought me a bike for my birthday with only one brake - it was the 70s). As well as knocking my front teeth out, my face was grazed really badly over quite a large area. Eventually all the scabbing came off in one go, like a Phantom of the Opera mask made of scab! I wanted to keep it but it was so delicate it crumbled away.

I had a road accident and my glasses smashed into my face. Years later, I was taking a shower and I could feel something sharp sticking out my hip. I squeezed it and a piece of rounded glass popped out. The edges were just like glass you find on a beach and it still had the tint

My cousin had an horrific car accident when she was a teen and for years she would randomly start itching or get a little pain somewhere on her body and then voila, a small piece of glass from the accident would just pop out. It was incredibly weird and happened dozens of times.

@harrietschulenberg feel you on that! The pain I was moments away from asking for an ambulance to be called. Then the fart was like someone taking the big plug out of an air bed and jumping on it.

@fourquenelles

A very large lump of hard black earwax when I was in my late teens. 50 years I have been searching to find that Holy Grail again.

Something similar, I’d just led down to go to sleep when I felt something in my ear move, shitting myself I jumped up and literally punched myself in the ear. It was a massive black scab the moulded in the shape of my ear. I’d perforated my ear drum about 18 month before and the scab just decided to fall off. It was amazing I could actually hear properly.

Some of these are truly spectacular!

My meagre offerings are:

The labial/Bartholin cysts I used to get. I didn't know they were a thing that maybe you should get a doctor to look at. I have a reasonably high pain tolerance, so I'd squeeze them whenever they appeared. I'd hear a jet of liquid hitting the bowl of the toilet every time. Eventually they stopped filling, but would regularly be sore/infected, so I had what was left of the cyst walls removed a few years ago.

A spot I had on my pubis. It hurt like a mofo, but when that sucker finally burst.... launching a pearl of hard white gunk trailing green pus into the palm of my hand.... JFC I have never known relief like it. It was like the afterglow after having an earth shattering orgasm.

The spot I had on my butt. I was young. Maybe about 11 or 12. I didn't know it was there, but my parents had noticed it, and my dad is a huge squeezer. Definitely not my parents' finest moment here, but they bent me over my Dad's knee to get at it. Mum held me down since it was rather painful while it was being squeezed. When the spot finally went, it got Mum in the eye. Heh. Karma.

The severely blocked ears. My hearing was so impaired, I missed a nurse appointment (unrelated matter) because I couldn't hear her when she came out and called my name. I was sat less than 2m away from her. I knew she'd said something, but I couldn't recognise it as my name. A day or so later I felt something shift in my ears, so I went at them with some cotton wool tips. What came out was.... well... You know the scene in Shrek where he makes his own candle by pulling a solid lump of wax out of his ear? It was exactly like that. From both ears. Never had anything like it since.

Finally, the boil I had no idea I had on my back. I needed to scratch my back, so as you do, I scratched it. I felt liquid dripping down by my left shoulder blade, so scratched some more, and felt more dripping. I caught it some in my hand and bought it around for inspection. I was holding a handful of liquid white pus. Squeezed the area a few more times and got a few more handfuls of pus. I can only assume the slider of my bra strap had dug slightly into my skin causing a reaction. I must've dislodged it when I scratched my back, letting the pus flow. I had only been wearing that bra for a couple of hours that day as well. I had zero idea the boil was there. There was absolutely no pain before or after. Only pus.